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Poetry
To My Mother
By laya08
07 June 2006

From the womb I was brought
To the young lady I became
You’ve always been in my shadow
The shadow of my fame

My mother  
The blood
The blood indeed
You are the flesh
The human flesh I need
 
You have taught me repect, honor and disipline
You have shown me the way
The way of a pure woman

The founder of my smiles
The lady with confusion of my styles
I’ve grown in your eyes
But with much , and much of surpise

So I thank you for the years
My laughter , My tears
I am really blessed
Blessed in your part
To dearest mother
From your daughters own loving heart.

Reviews
Hi Laya08
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 7th June 2006
Welcome to GW. 
 
If I like something then I bother with it and then usually end up upsetting the author. So here we go. 
 
"To the young lady I’ve now became" 
 
Would read better if 
 
To the young lady that I became  
 
otherwise became has to be become and you lose your rhyme. 
 
I stumbled over this  
 
"To (the?) founder of my smiles" 
 
I don't understand the next line 
 
"To lady with confusion of my styles" 
 
or this one 
 
"Blessed in your apart" 
 
I love heart on sleeve poems, intense, personal and therefore real. I think it a shame that it has a few blemishes but believe that they could easily be corrected. 
 
Do I sound condescending in this I don't mean to be, I've learnt from things I've been told about my work and I have much to learn, 
 
Brian. 
I only wish
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 7th June 2006
That my sons felt vaguely like that about me. A lovely and earnest poem, 
 
Brian

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