Well, now that I think of it, I did have that one interesting adventure.
It was a Monday, I remember because of a conversation I had with my
friend Sarah, we were talking about how much we liked when we had Red
schedule on Mondays becasue that meant we had 3rd period together three
times that week. See, my school runs on a block schedule, there are Red
days and Blue days. On Red days you have 1st, 3rd, 5th, and 7th periods,
while on Blue days you have, 1st, 2nd, 4th, and 6th periods. The days
alternate, Red, Blue, Red, Blue, like that, so if a Monday is a Red day,
you have three red days that week and vice versa. My third period class
is great. Sarah is in there with me, and we always have a blast. We have
Spanish. Our Spanish teacher, Mr. Moore, he's a real great guy, I mean
real great. You can tell he really likes teaching, and really likes the
Spanish language and culture and all. It's pretty funny, he's a goofy
looking white guy from West Virgina. Anyway, we always have fun in that
class. Like this one time, Mr. Moore, he gets up on his desk, and went to
jump off, but he hits his head on the ceiling on account of he's so tall
and all. I also get a chance to be pretty funny in that class. I can be
pretty funny when I want, I like it. When everyone is listening to what I
say and laughing at it. It's great, I think I want to be a stand-up
comedian.

Anyway, as I was saying, it was a Monday. It was a Monday in November, I
remember it was November because I remember having a conversation with my
friend Tim about the school talent show that was coming up. See, my
school runs a talent show every November. It can be pretty cool
sometimes. Like this one time, this one kid, Kyle Luce, he was a really
funny kid, for serious. He could make just about anyone laugh. Everyone
loved him, even the teachers. He's kinda my idol, he graduated last year,
and I've been trying to fill his role as king class clown ever since.
Anyway, this kid Kyle, he did a ventriloquist act. It was great, like,
really great. Anyway, what he did was, he had the dummy tell jokes. Oh
yeah, this dummy he had, it was so great, for serious. It had this
outfit, lime green suspenders and a purple shirt, it was so terrible, I
loved it. It also had this bright pink hair, kinda like those Troll
dolls. Man, remember those Troll dolls? My sisters had tons of those,
anyway. This dummy of his, he had it tell jokes. Only, you could see
Kyle's mouth moving the whole time. It was terrific. Kyle was talking
while moving his mouth in an exaggerated way, and sometimes he would
purposely stop moving the dummy's mouth while it was supposed to be
talking just to let you know he wasn't any good at ventriloquism, and we
were just supposed to be enjoying his jokes. And let me tell you, we did.
Everyone did. He didn't win though, I think it's because those old judges
thought he was making a mockery of the competition, that's the thing with
old people, they're so uptight about everything, they just need to chill
sometimes, y'know?

I think it was the second Monday of November, because of this
conversation I had with my teacher that day about the Bills game. He was
talking about how good his team, the Buffalo Bills, he was talking about
how good they did. My teacher, he's a trip, he loves those Bills, even
though they're god aweful most seasons. They're most famous exploit is
making it to the Superbowl four season in a row, only to lose every
single one. That must have felt aweful. Anyway, my teacher is a real cool
guy, he talks to his students like he's your friend most of the time, and
takes a real interest in their extracurricular activities and stuff.
Like, he's always talking to this one kid about the robotics team at our
school. And, my teacher, he's really more interested in sports and stuff
but he's nice enough to talk to this kid and actually be interested.
That's something that makes a teacher cool, when he'll talk to a kid
about the robotics team and all. But yeah, it could have been the third
Monday of November, because I think the Bills won games both those weeks.
I can't really remember now, though. My memory isn't so great sometimes,
like, I'll forget if I've already brushed my teeth or not when I'm
getting ready for bed sometimes. That leads to me brushing my teeth 2 or
3 times some nights, but hey, at least they're sure to be clean. On the
other hand though, I have a great memory, for serious. I can remember
anything I learn in school. Like, I still know that you spell it
pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis and I learned that in the
2nd grade! I'm real good at tests because of that. Not because I can
spell that silly made up word, but because I can remember things like
that.

Like I was saying, it was either the second or third Monday in November,
but that doesn't really matter much. It's more important that it was a
Red day. I was sitting in 7th period, which is my English class. What a
great class that is, my teacher is pretty lenient with us talking and
all, so we can have a pretty good time in there. A good number of my
friends are in that class, my friend Mike, he sits in front of me, and
our teacher, Ms. Tormay, she gets pretty mad at us for talking so much in
that class, but really you can tell she doesn't mind it so much, since
she keeps us sitting next to each other everytime she changes the seating
chart. Anyway, this girl I call Chiquita, Jessica, Justin, Mike and I
were having a conversation about weird foods we've eaten. We talked about
some crazy stuff. Justin said something crazy about not liking French
Toast Crunch, because it left butter on the roof of his mouth, we're
still not sure what the hell that meant. I told them about how I crumbled
up pieces of bacon into my Cheerios, they all thought that that was nuts.
It went on like that for the whole class. We were supposed to be reading
this book, about this crazy rich kid who lived in NYC in the late '40s,
but I gotta say, it wasn't that interesting. It was nothing but that kid
going off on weird subjects, like his suitcases. Boy that old rich kid,
he sure has a thing for suitcases, I swear to god. It wasn't a bad story
though, I mean, you kinda gotta feel for the kid. I know what it's like
to do bad in school because you don't want to put forth the effort, and
because you can't stand the people at your school. In 6th grade for
instance, I failed English and had to take summer school all because I
didn't do this project. It was an auto-biography we had to write the
second half of the year. It was worth like 26 test grades, which
translated into about a billion zeros since I never turned it in. But,
what could I do? I mean, I was only 12 years old. What the hell could I
possibly say about my life? I mean, I'm not exactly great at telling
stories, I can never think of anything to say. So I didn't do it. What I
did do was, I helped other people with their auto-biographies. I can be a
real helpful guy, like in 7th grade, in Mrs. Coopers science class, when
I helped these two girls with their projects instead of doing mine, that
was a fun week. But yeah, not only did I not think I could write an
auto-biography, I hated most of the people in my 6th grade English class.
They were those annoying preppy kids every middle school had back then.
Always thinking they're jokes are hillarious when people laugh, even
though the other kids are only laughing 'cause the joke-teller is
popular. And everyone wanted to be popular in middle school. Hell, even I
did in 6th grade, I'll admit it, even if I'm not to proud of the fact,
looking back on it. But, what I'm saying is, that rich kid was telling
the truth, school is rough sometimes.

Anyway, it was 7th period, and I was talking with my little English class
group about weird foods. And Chiqui had this great idea for a really good
lunch. I told her she was my hero, and that I would be trying it when I
got home from school. I do that a lot, tell people they're "my hero." I
don't know why, I mean, sometimes I really mean it, I really do. Other
times I just say it because I'm so used to saying it. I hate that about
myself, how I say certain things over and over again, for serious. Like,
I say "dude" all the time. It drives me nuts. I use it basically as an
introduction to all my sentences. "Dude, you should check out this video
I saw online, it's hillarious." Or, "Dude, did you get 5pi/13 for the
answer to number 13a?" It can be pretty annoying and dorky I bet. Anyway,
I told Chiquita that I would be trying her idea after I got home from
school, because I was really hungry on account of I don't eat lunch at
school. People think I'm nuts, but the school food is so gross, plus I
don't like eating in public, I can be pretty insecure sometimes, for
serious. So what I do at lunch is, I sit on this bench outside the
cafeteria. I've sat there every day at lunch since I started going to my
high school. We call it "The Wikey Bench" now. Well, my friend, Kenny, he
tries to call it "The Kenny Bench" on account of both our names are
Kenny, and he sits there with me, but I don't like that as much. It's
like he's trying to steal a share of the founding of the Wikey bench,
it's kinda annoying. Kenny's cool though, he's real quiet, and somtimes
it seems like he's not listening to you, not really, but he's nice to
talk to. I have to respect someone who can listen to me for long periods
of time without interrupting me, 'cause sometimes I get the urge to tell
myself to shut up, seriously. Anyway, I eat lunch when I get home from
school, I usually eat a lot, like two bagel sandwiches and a banana, or
several bowls of cereal if we have some good stuff. I like breakfast
foods, bagels and cereals rock. Sometimes though, it's hard to make it
through school all day without eating anything. This one time in 6th period
Algebra II in 10th grade, I was so hungry I was getting dizzy. I guess it
didn't help that I didn't eat breakfast that morning. Anyway, I was so
hungry, that Mr. McClure, my teacher, he asked me what the answer to
some problem was, and I answered "Two Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers and
a large Frosty." I swear to god. He laughed so hard, he's a real joker,
that Mr. McClure, a lot of the times, his jokes are pretty old school and
corny, on account of he's like 50, but you gotta respect a teacher who
can make some good jokes every once in a while. He's also a real
good teacher, there's somethign special about his voice or something.
I slept in his class all day every day, but I still managed to make an
89 my lowest test score all year in that class. My friend said I'm just
good at math, but I'm not so sure.

Anyway, I was waiting for school to end, because I wanted to try this
awesome idea for something to eat for lunch that Chiqui had come up with,
and since I was so hungry, I changed the conversation topic from food to
something else for self-preservation purposes. Heh, I say funny things
like that sometimes, things like "self-preservation purposes." It gets a
lot of blank stares from most people, but some of my quicker friends get
it. Also, there's this freshmen girl in my spanish class, she always
laughs when I say things like "for self-preservation purposes." I like
that, when only one person laughs at a joke I made, 'cause I know that it
was funny, and hard to catch, two things I love. I make a big deal out of
my jokes sometimes, I can be a bit of an arrogant jerk. Like, this one
day, in Chemistry, I made a joke and everyone laughed except for this one
kid, so what I did was, I got up, and walked behind and pretended to be
having a hard time catching something that was behind his head, then I
went back and sat down, and explained the joke to him. This time only a
few people laughed, well, mostly only I laughed. I lost it, I can be so
full of myself sometimes, I was rolling around on the table laughing. My
friend Kayla gave me a weird look and then slapped me. It was so funny,
for serious.

Anyway, school finally ended. It's true what they say, about a watched
pot never boiling, not that I watch pots all that much when I'm boiling
water or anything, but if I'm getting impatient about something, time
seems to crawl forward, it can be real disconcerting some times.
Disconcerting, I'm not even sure I know what that word means, I do that,
sometimes. I'll use a word I read in a book, or saw in a movie, and not
be all that sure of what it means, it can be embarassing sometimes, when
later I look up the word and realized I used it wrong. Or, sometimes,
another thing I do, is mix words up, I'll use a different word than what
I meant. Like one time, I said "Immaculate Reception" only, it was during
a conversation that had nothing to do with the Pittsburgh Steelers, no
one caught it, but I was giving myself hell in my mind.

Anyway, school finally ended, and I got home, and put Chiqui's idea into
motion. I ate a Peanut Butter sandwich with banana slices on it.