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For Children
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| Rocking Horse Droppings | |
| By Bagheera | ||||
| 26 April 2005 | ||||
Nothing less than World Dominance is acceptable ...................... My "Cunning Plan" to take over the boards continues with this offering in the Childrens' Work section. Still can't get the formatting I want for a play. This is Act 1 (only) of a 2 Act rock musical (and yes, I have scribbled down the melodies I want to use .....) Act 1
The Park, the Tunnel Ged: Gonna be a scorcher today, then! Kev: Yeah, anyone bring any drinks? Pete: Nah, brought some spends instead: get some ice cream or something at the shop later, can't we? Yosser: 'S alright for some ..... Ged: Go 'ead, you're loaded: you jus' don' like spendin' it, Yosser! Jo: He's right, Ged: there's near enough two months school holidays - anyone goin' anywhere good ? (exaggerated ‘pose') ... me Dad says we might go to Majorca for a week Kev: Oh, get you! Lady Muck on the Costa Fortune..... Song It's holiday time and I'm - feeling fine
I'll be off to Costa Fortune with a cheap airline Gonna have some fun in the Spanish sun While Dad and Mum drink all the cheapo rum Then I'll want to stay out on the beach all day And in the evening boogie half the night away (Pete's song - interrupting)
Booo - ring, just booo -ring I won't want to sleep, it won't bother me Can't think of anything more boring than this Gonna get as much fun as I can for two whole weeks Booo - ring, just booo - ring This Costa Fortune lark just takes the ...... Discord clash interrupts song Kev: Ey, youse lot! Come ‘ere a minute! Kev: is at LH rear of stage - tunnel entrance Look what I found - seems in pretty good nick, too! (drags out rocking horse) Ged: Our kid used t' have one o' them, till she was about 3 or so ... don't think I've seen one since hers fell apart, though. What y' doing now , Kev? Kev: Just - y' know, lookin' ... see if there's anything else in here .... Pete: What? Like... rocking horse droppings, maybe? (mocking laughter all round) Now that would be something pretty rare! (pause) Have you tried looking up it's a... Jo: (inspecting closely) Don't laugh, but .... The seam's come unstitched (puts hand inside) ......... and you'll never guess what's inside Old Rocky here .... (shows) (sings) "We're in the money ....We're in the money ..." All children gather round, hands & pockets soon stuffed with notes. Dancing, singing, happy reactions Yosser: Okay, listen. We count it, then we decide what we have to do next ... Ged: Yeah, we can't spend it all at once can we? Pete: Wouldn't mind trying, though! (gets mock-beaten by others) Okay, okay, you know I didn't mean it! But: what did you mean, Yosser? Jo: What he means, Lame-brain, is: it's not our money - but it must belong to someone .... Kev: Finders keepers Jo: So that makes it mine, Kev and I don't think you meant that anyway! Kev: It was me found the rocking horse! Jo: ... yeah, and it was me thought to stick my hand up its jaxy and found the cash! ... Yosser: Which is why I say, we count it first and then decide what's right to do next! Now come 'ead, there's loads o' the stuff to be counted .... Children sit, divide notes, start counting. Spot on Yosser, CFoS, sitting cross-legged with his share of notes to count. Sings (rap style) Rest of group provide ‘mouth music' background boom cha-cha; boom cha challagalala or similar "rap effects" - scope for rhythmic movement/dance too (*but do not ‘upstage' Y) Yosser: Hey, you: you know that we're cool -
found a loada wonga, ain't nobody's fool 'Tain't yours, 'tain't mine, no way we can keep it Gotta do the Right Thing: now can you dig that ............. ? Pete: Suckeeeeeeeeeeee - eeeeeeerr
(continues with new verse. Yosser sits in silence) You say we gotta do what's Right To Do:
Well who decided that - is it just down to you? Now Kev found the rocking horse and Jo found the dough: Seems to me fair if we put it to a vote I don't mean we should keep it all, 'cause somebody has lost it But surely just a little bit could "stick around" .... ............. in the lining of our pockets ? Jo: moves to front & centre No way !
Pete! of all the half-baked (*) half-assed (*) half-witted things You've ever half-said or half-done: How can we - sort of - half-be ..... half-honest??? ... Seems to me, you're not half dumb!! Don't you think your Mam will notice if you go home all flush with dough? And you can't tell your Da that you had a good day at the bookies you know Black,white - left,right - short,long - right,wrong Some things go together; others don't belong You can't be just "half honest", you can't be "half a thief" And whether this is lost or stolen, we all know - we gotta tell the police Ged, Kev stand, move to join Pete and Yosser flanking (but behind) Jo as the verse ends. Chorus: Do the Right Thing, do the Right Thing
It's not always easy, that's the song that we sing Nothing comes from nothing and I'm sure it never could It's not always easy when you choose to be good Do the right Thing, do the Right Thing It's not always easy, that's the song that we sing Now we've finished counting: There's more than fifteen thousand So we'll take it to the Cop Shop ..... (big, BIG slowdown here) And we'll Do the Right Thing, do the Right Thing It's not always easy, that's the song that we sing repeat as necessary as they leave stage Rear, Right Main spot dims, new spot trained on tunnel entrance (Rear, Left) as last child leaves stage Enter Baz, from concealment in tunnel Act 1, scene ii
Baz: Bloody 'ell, thought he was gonna find me, then! (leers at audience) ... yer prob'ly hoped he would, din'cha?!, Nah, no snot-nosed kid's gonna cop Baz that easy: 'cos I'm ace, me. Even the coppers haven't pulled me for anything and made it stick yet: they've been trying for long enough (camps up ‘evilgrin' routine, Panto villain-style) TC's gonna go ballistic, though, when I tell him what happened to the loot (pats pockets) Where's my mobile? Don't tell me I dropped it after we split up, I know I had it earlier.... Gorra tell him them kids have gone off to the filth with the cash (turns to audience) ....... Aaahh, shurrup youse lot! (windup) I said, SHURRUP!! (aside) Anyone'd think it was easy being a bad guy! If youse lot knew what my boss was like, you'd soon stop yer giggling! Nasty? Tell you, he makes Dirty Den AND Phil Mitchell look like pussycats - who d'you think gave Phil Redmond the idea for hanging someone out the window in Brookie? I'll be lucky if that's all he does to me! (snarl, sneer) Yeah, alright, have your fun, then: I'd better go and see if I can find that mobile, I must have dropped it somewhere... (exit, Right, Rear)
Curtain
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