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Poetry
Eclipse
By gutterkitty
24 June 2006
He's closing the blinds.
A moon pulled across the room
like a cloak,
the air is thick
with silence.

My mouth, a shadow
no kind of door
and only the bed to separate us;
I wish there was more.
The walls stare at me, hungry for words
their mouths are closed
the cloak, rough on lips
like love or truth
banishing the breath
that ties us together.

Once, you lassoed the moon for me
and served it with red wine
the taste, I can't remember.
The walls are under my tongue
in my ears, beneath my fingernails.
Once, you captured the moon for me
now you close the blinds. And all I remember
as you turn your back to me,
is wine, soft on the lips,
like lies.

Reviews

Written by Rattle_Spear (93 comments posted) 24th June 2006
Cute 
Hope you're still friends... 
:grin
Very good
Written by tartqueen (21 comments posted) 26th June 2006
I like this. It captures the breakdown of a relationship very well, especially the silence. The metaphor in the last line is great. It gives it a really good sense of closure.
thank you rattlespear and tartqueen
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 27th June 2006
I was trying to capture what it feels like when you know that something is ending. Fortunately this work is (for the most part) fictional :)
Strong
Written by mishmish (389 comments posted) 1st July 2006
I liked the focus on the moon to create the darkness that end of relationship brought. Normally, moons are associated with giving everything to those you love: 'I'll give you the moon!' But you turned that on its head, very effectively. 
 
Good poem...well done 
 
best wishes 
 
mishmish

Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 2nd July 2006
thank you mishmish! I hoped to use the moon in two ways in this poem- as a symbol of love and romance, and as a symbol of darkness and night. I'm happy that you picked up on this :)

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