CAPTAIN CACTUS AND THE PIG

CHAPTER ONE

            Captain Cactus looked through her telescope at the blue sky, and the blue sea, from the deck of her blue boat.  All she could see was blue, blue, and blue.  Being a pirate was really boring lately.  There hadn’t been a decent ship to plunder for ages, or any wrecks to loot either.  The Jolly Roger lay folded up in a drawer in her cabin.

            Slowly, slowly a speck on the horizon became clearer.  An island.  There were three islands in this part of the ocean; they were known as the Big Island, the Small Island, and the Little Island.  No one had ever lived there, and so no one had bothered to give them proper names.

            “Let’s put in there for the night, Chicory” the Captain said.  “The Big Island.”

“Aye, aye, Cap’n” said the girl at the wheel.

            There were just two of them on board the ‘Purple Hamster’.  Captain Jasmine Cactus was tall, and wore her black hair in a long plait.  She wore a red tunic over black britches and short black boots.  Chicory Spear, the ship’s girl, was the opposite.  Short, with frizzy ginger hair tied in bunches, and she wore a checked shirt over short trousers.  Her feet were usually bare.  They sailed the seas looting any ships they could find, and in between times running errands for anyone who would pay them.

            That evening, after a supper of bread, fried onions, and greens found on the island (Cactus and Chicory were vegetarians and loved onions), Captain Cactus settled back with a book, while Chicory washed the dishes.       

            “You know, Chic”, said Cactus, “the old Hamster’s looking shabby.  She needs sprucing up.”  She waved her book in the air.  It was called ‘How to Be a Good Pirate –Tips for Success’.  “This book says, ‘to succeed in piracy you need to have a smart vessel’.  This ship is blue!  It should be purple.”

            “Well, you know why that is, don’t you?” said Chicory looking up from her work. Cactus raised an eyebrow.

            “It’s ‘cos you got that blue paint cheap and made me paint all night, by moonlight!” Chicory explained ruefully.

“I lit the lamps!” protested the Captain.  “And why did I make you do that?  Because you swapped the ship’s cat for onions!”

“Oh no I didn’t” said Chicory.

“Oh yes you did”, answered Cactus.

“OK, so I did”, agreed the ship’s girl with a shrug, “but only because you spent our ration money on a brand new headscarf.  It’s horrible too!”

“Well, how are we going to keep the rats down now?”

“You could wear that scarf”, muttered Chicory.  “Anyway, where are we going to get the money for new paint?

“Something will turn up” said Cactus. “You take first watch, Chicory.  Goodnight.”  And the Captain went below to her bunk.

On the other side of the Big Island, another group of pirates was tying up for the night and turning their minds to supper.  The crew of the ‘Sea Slug’, Captain William Greenbelly and his crew, Albert and Ross, had put in to Big Island after a long and very boring day, in which nothing much had happened.  Greenbelly was a round man with long black hair, on top of which he wore a hat with a green feather.  He also wore a green waistcoat, which didn’t quite cover his stomach.  Albert was bald, and had an eye patch and Ross had short, blond hair, and wore a necklace made of shark’s teeth.

            “Where are all the ships?” thundered Captain Greenbelly.  “We haven’t seen a single sail for days!”  He took off his boots and threw one at his crewmen.  “Albert, Ross!  What’s for supper?”

“Fried fish and onions, Boss2 answered Albert, dodging the boot.

“I hate onions!” yelled Greenbelly.  “Go find me some meat”, and he threw the other boot, narrowly missing Ross’ head.

“What sort of meat, Boss?”

“Rabbit, squirrel, I don’t know!  Oh!  I’ll do it myself” said the Captain, starting down the gang plank.

“ But Boss, what about your belly” called Albert and Ross together.

As soon as Captain Greenbelly reached dry land he doubled over, clutching his stomach.

            “I don’t feel well” he groaned, and he clambered back onto the boat.

            A few minutes later Albert and Ross come charging out of the trees, shouting loudly.

            “We’ve found a pig, Boss!”

“Catch it, catch it, you idiots” screeched Greenbelly.  “I want bacon for supper.”

The pig raced around in circles, hopping over fallen branches and tripping up the two bungling pirates, until it finally grew tired of this game and raced back in to the trees.  Albert and Ross picked themselves up and followed him.  Half an hour later they returned without the pig.

            “We lost it, Boss.”

            “Lost it?” shouted Captain Greenbelly, battering them with his hat. “There’ll be no grog for you tonight and you can both scrub the decks during the dog-watch!”

            A few hours later, Captain Cactus was awakened by the ship’s girl shaking her arm.

            “Wake up, Cap’n” whispered Chicory, urgently.  “There’s something moving around on deck!”

            “What is it, Chicory” asked Cactus, struggling into her britches and shirt.

            “I don’t know I haven’t looked yet!” answered Chicory.  “Listen!”

There was a lot of banging and thumping going on above, and another very strange noise, a bit like a squeaky anchor chain.

            “Grab the net, Chic”, Cactus said as they crept stealthily up on to the deck.  “We’ll surprise him from behind and catch him in the net”.