As a child I was shy and timid. I envied the girls who had confidence and popularity.

As a teenager I was jealous of the girls who could wear the latest fashions, with their flat stomachs and straight hips. I thought I was fat, but I know now that I wasn't.

In my early twenties I worked on the lorries, doing multi-drop. I was a woman in a man's world and proud of it.

In my late twenties I was carefree and lustful. Trying hard to live out my dream to have a baby.

By my early thirties I had 3 failed marriages and couldn't get pregnant. The wrath of my failures was turned against my Mother, but I could never hurt her, so I harmed myself.

Now I am nearing the end of my thirties, and have two beautiful, yet energetic, little girls. I have no man in my life and I fill my days eating chocolate and cake. I cannot excercise because of ill health; and as I get fatter and fatter I eat more and more comfort foods.

By the end of this year I will be forty. I want to be thin, rich and good-looking again. I want to have any man I choose and I want to be loved. I want to be able to do all the things that other mothers' do with their children and I want my girls to be the best behaved, sweetest kids ever.

Yet we never get what we want in life. I am a good person, I have good friends, my girls are my life. I don't need more than that. Greed is saved only for my dreams.