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Great Writing - Home > Poetry > Life Is What You Make It?
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Poetry
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| Life Is What You Make It? | |
| By NuttyWithIt | ||||||||||||||||||
| 28 June 2006 | ||||||||||||||||||
Sorry peeps, but I'm on a downer!! Had to share!!Life is what you make it and I want to make it good, |
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| Reviews |
Written by tartqueen (21 comments posted) 28th June 2006 |
| Love the sentiment and thought the poem was great apart from the last line which was maybe a bit too long. Perhaps 'And don't say it's down to me' would be better. But apart from that minor quibble thought it was very good. |
| Rythm Written by NuttyWithIt (38 comments posted) 28th June 2006 |
| the last two lines are supposed to revert back to the first two lines with the middle part in a different tempo. I should have seperated this to make it clearer. |
| Triffic Written by Leo (573 comments posted) 28th June 2006 |
| a little bit worried about the open season on the un-named men...poor souls but a cracker! |
| No Leo!! Written by NuttyWithIt (38 comments posted) 29th June 2006 |
| Believe me they don't deserve any sympathy, Leo!! And I did put it in the PAST tense, for now!! |
| ..... peeps over the parapet ...... Written by Bagheera (683 comments posted) 29th June 2006 |
 ....... being extremely careful. 'cos he's a MALE of the species ........  I think I can understand the sentiments, but can't condone the threats of violence against all men@ some of us aren't too bad, you know ..... The only suggestion I'd make for possible "tweaking" also concerns the rhythm of the last couplet, but my suggestion is not to CUT the rhythm of the final line: Instead of "Life is nothing like I wanted it to be, And don't you dare say all of it is purely down to me!!" I'd try to ADD to the penultimate line, thusly: "Life is nothing like I always wanted it to be, And don't you dare say all of it is purely down to me!!" or another word of two syllables instead of "always" would still 'regularise' [is that a word??] the rhythm. [Replaces tin hat, hides in the trenches again] |
| TAKE NOTE!!! Written by NuttyWithIt (38 comments posted) 30th June 2006 |
| Right, second line and last line have 14 syllables, first has 13 and second to last has 11. So do need another 2 syllable word to lengthen it to 13 but it read better that way!! And I said, 'Too many men I COULD'VE killed'!!! Where is everyone getting the impression I want to kill ALL men!! I just meant that in life a woman may feel like killing one or two of her ex's, but in MY life there would be a much bigger number of ex's on the list!! This is because I seem to have had more than my fair share of bad boyfriends!! Anfd it isn't ALWAYS my fault!! I have great respect for men in general, especially at the moment when I need to find one who can put up some shelves for my girl's bedrooms!! lol So please don't be afraid. I will make it much more obvious when men need to be scared, and then....be VERY scared!!! lol |
| Great Poem Written by mishmish (389 comments posted) 1st July 2006 |
| I know you wrote this when you were on a downer, but is showed great humour and I really enjoyed reading it. I did feel (like others) that the last line was a little bit too long, but I thought it still worked. Well done best wishes mishmish |
| And the last comment? Written by Josie (2823 comments posted) 5th July 2006 |
| Good up until the last 2 lines. You could have got a better rhythm if you had said: Life is nothing like I wanted - But I carry on undaunted. Only a suggestion. Yes, life certainly has its twists and turns, but it's never too late to start again, and your experience should give you a better start next time, ha ha. |
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