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Poetry
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To be a man
By Leo
28 June 2006
Right, first up i am not a poet, so please be kind and overlook any structural errors!

It was just i got round to thinking what it is to be a man, and collected my thoughts on the page....

It's loosely based on men i've seen, known and met...

When I grow up, I want to be a man

I want to be big and strong

To be able to protect my family

And look good in my trunks, as I walk along the beach

 
When I grow up, I want to be a man

I want to earn lots of money

To be able to buy what I want

And sneer over my shoulder, as I overtake the Joneses

 
When I grow up, I want to be a man

I want to enjoy every day of my life

Drink fifteen pints on a Friday night

And have thick fat fry ups in the café on Saturday morning

 
When I grow up, I want to be a man

I want to be right all the time

To never admit defeat, or accept blame

And not yield to anyone, the master of my own private universe

 
When I grow up, I want to be a man

I want to be master of my own destiny

To be left unmolested by my wife and kids

And spend every night in the pub, talking rubbish with mates

 
When I grow up, I want to be a man

I want to be worshipped and indulged

To have dirty filthy sex like in those blue movies

And not worry about consent, contraception or commitment

 
I want life on my terms

To bend the truth so it suits me

And beat people to a pulp if they show disrespect

When I grow up, I want to be a man

 
 
 
 

Reviews
Nice try Leo...
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 28th June 2006
Loved it Leo. But then I also loved John Cooper Clarke. And I suspect so did you....A few more verses in your honour! 
 
The Pope is a Paedo. The Queen is a twat. 
 
FUCK HIM AND FUCK HER; AND FUCK THIS AND FUCK THAT! 
 
Is that Mother Theresa having a blow?  
 
No it's John Cooper Clarke back, saying, 'Hello ' 
 
 
You're having a bite on a bench in the park, 
 
When out from the bushes bursts JOHN COOPER CLARKE!!  
 
He rapes you and robs you. You're left to die slow. 
 
It's just John Cooper Clarke's way of saying ' Hello '. 
 
 
A Blue Peter Badge for doing Hard Drugs? 
 
He's jacked up more often then ten Ronnie Woods! 
 
Twiddle your nob [ on your radio ] 
 
And get John Cooper Clarke back, saying ' Hello '! 
 
Slan! 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
thanx GC
Written by Leo (573 comments posted) 30th June 2006
your kind words carefully chosen and gently spoken as ever! 
 
best regards 
 
leo
It's easy to be a man!
Written by tartqueen (21 comments posted) 30th June 2006
Just have erections; 
And never ask for directions.
in a 'nuts'hell...
Written by Leo (573 comments posted) 30th June 2006
Spoke with great authority... 
 
Are you telling me the 'new' man doesn't exist then?
The Ascent of Man
Written by mishmish (389 comments posted) 1st July 2006
Hi Leo 
 
Done it again, haven't you....'I'm not a poet'...Oh I think you are. I really, really loved this, the dark humour, hit right on the button. 
 
Fantastic!! 
 
best wishes 
 
mishmish
great
Written by B.D. (82 comments posted) 21st July 2006
What does it mean to be a "poet" anyway?? Lots of people write poems so are the considered a poet? If so, then by this poem you ARE a poet. :P Ok so I give up but it's a very well-written poem that I enjoyed and about that poet thing: I enjoyed your poem MUCH more than mr. gerardconnolly's!!! (No offense intended to anyone!) 
~B.~
Nice...
Written by kevg (45 comments posted) 26th August 2006
Great job, a very enjoyable read, I'm glad you kept the mode of poetry straightforward and simple, I guess it compliments the message of the poem. There's a good social commentary throughout. 
 
'When I grow up, I want to be a man 
I want to be worshipped and indulged 
To have dirty filthy sex like in those blue movies 
And not worry about consent, contraception or commitment' 
 
My favourite stanza by far, I love the alliterative effect in the last line.  
 
Overall a quality read, one that most 'men' could relate to in someway or another.  
 
KevG  
 

Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 15th December 2006
Just found this, and it had me laughing. I too enjoyed the line about 'consent, contraception ... commitment.'  
 
No wonder so many grown up men are violent. What an awful let-down it must be when they find out what a con coming of age is. I used to think that being an adult meant that I wouldn't have to do so many chores anymore. And now look at me.

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