This is a story I wrote years ago. I have not been a civilian firefighter but was one in the Navy. This is a short, short story.
I was once a firefighter in Pensacola Florida and this is my story.
On December 24th at 10:30 pm we got a call to go to a fire right outside of the Naval base. It was a house fire and no one had gotten out yet. As I jumped on the truck I thought of my family. I have twin girls who are 6 months old and a beautiful wife. They were safe at home asleep in their beds.
It only took 2 minutes to get to the home. Flames were coming out of the top floor windows. The neighbors were screaming that no one had come out yet. I put my mask on and stepped to the door, which had been chopped open. I took a deep breath and stepped into hell.
As I went up the stairs I saw family pictures lined up all the way up along the wall. They have a little girl was my first thought. As I got to the top of the stairs the flames were almost too much for me. But I was determined for this family to live to see Christmas.
I found the parents quickly they had tried to make it to what I believed was their daughters room. They didn’t make it.
I pushed the door open and saw the little girl she was burned badly but seemed to be still alive. As I picked her up her eyes opened and she had the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. I headed for the stairs and she asked for her parents. She knew by the look on my face that they were gone. I don’t know how but she knew.
Time slowed and it seemed the front door was miles away. As I headed down the stairs I kept talking to her trying to keep her with me. Her eyes went to the family pictures and I saw them tear up. I started screaming about how I found her alive and she needed medical attention. When I hit the door I looked down at her and she looked at me and whispered good-bye. And her eyes closed. Forever.
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Lots here
Written by Leo (573 comments posted) 3rd July 2006 |
This is very powerful subject matter.
If it had been a much longer piece i'm sure people would still have read it.
There is a lot in there to write about.
Good stuff. |
Written by Clifftown (642 comments posted) 3rd July 2006 |
This is written in a very frank, simplistic style which to me made it seem very real. I think it's worth expanding!
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Very moving
Written by Leigh (237 comments posted) 4th July 2006 |
This is such a powerful, true to life piece. After the parents were found dead, I found myself wondering what would become of the little girl - it is almost a 'relief' (if that can be the right word) that at least she gets to join her parents and isn't left orphaned.
I don't particularly think it need expanding - you tell all that needs to be told in a few punchy words. |
Painful but so Powerful
Written by mishmish (389 comments posted) 4th July 2006 |
This is a very powerful, very moving and very real piece of writing. In reality, it isn't always a happy ending. I know this only too well (see my Windows of Wrath to see what I mean).
I absolutely loved this piece. So packed was it with gems of writing, I got to the end wanting more. My heart was literally thudding, with anticipation and eventual sadness at the denouement.
The little snippets such as:
She knew by the look on my face that they were gone. I don’t know how but she knew
came together to underline her fate. She knew because she was only partly alive, she was more dead than alive, more connected to her parents than she was to her actual reality.
You chose simple words, straightforward storytelling but really made it come alive.
Really fantastic...well done!
best wishes
mishmish |
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