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Extended Work
The Not So Perfect Life- Chapter 2
By CorletteLoveheart
07 July 2006
Hey thanks for reviewing and sorry it took so long but here's chapter 2! hope you like it!

 Love Corlette

Aofie's heart raced as the phone rang out. Slowly she reached out her hand and picked it up.

"Hello?" ahe asked in her usual raspy voice.

"Hello. You are now recieving a call from the Alcoholics institution. If you would not like to take this call please hang up now."

 It was her mother. Aofie didn't want to talk to her but she knew her grandmother would. So she handed over the phone.

Aofie simply mouthed 'it's her!' to her grandmother though and then ran off.
As she sat in her room she thought. What was her mother calling for? and better yet why was she calling her? She knew her mother would want to talk to her but it was too soon. She needed  more time to think.

Meanwhile, on the phone to her mother Aofie's grandmother was talking. and frankly she was getting pretty sick and tired of Aofie avoiding her mother. Not just that but avoiding the whole situation of what was going on in her life. She never talked and she thought that Aofie would need to in times to come. She knew that Aofie had been raped as well. She had all the symptoms of being raped. bruises, being jumpy, minor things like that. Aofie insisted that she hadden't though when she confronted her about it. Aofie's grandmother then thought, she could send her to a councillor or she could send her away on a kids in catastrophies camp she saw for a few weeks. Aofie would get good treatment and would get her own personal advisor to help her talk about all her problems everyday. and she would get a good place to stay. they weren't staying in the wildlife. they were staying in apartments in the city, but it would be in a meadow during the day. they would practice letting go of emotions and things like that. and it was a mixed camp so hopefully she would make some friends too. just before she was going to hang up the phone she looked at the brouchure. She had had it in her drawer for a while but she knew that Aofie wouldn't see it. As Aofie's grandmother hung up the phone she thought to herself that she would only put her in the camp if worse came to worse...

Aofie sat in her bedroom with the scissors in her hand. she looked from her wrist to the scissors in hand, and thought

I don't have to do this. This is only for kids who want attention. I am a perfectly healthy sixteen year old. I don't want to cut but I feel so bad, is it a mental thing or an attention seeking device used? I don't want to cut... do I?

Aofie really had no idea what to do. So she decided to put the scissors under her bed for another day. She had come so close that time. Usually she picked them up and put them back, but not today. She had felt the cold blade of the scissors with her finger tips and placed the steel on her wrist. Aofie didn't want to cut. she was to smart for that. No she wouldn't cut! She silently vowed to herself that no matter how bad things got, she wouldn't ever cut.

Aofie's grandmother had been watching the security camera that she had installed in Aofie's room when she moved in so she could keep an eye on her. She had been watching every move Aofie made since she put the scissors back under the bed. It was then that Aofies grandmother decided that she needed to do somthing and decided the camp was the best for her. She just hoped Aofie would take it well...

Reviews

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 7th July 2006
You have touched on a subject that is alien to me, self harming so watching Aofie struggling with it was intriguing. I can well understand the grandmothers dilemma, having both of her relations daughter and grand-daughter in institutions,and the decision must be awful for her. 
I would like to see a bit more dialogue in the story it is a great short cut to character rather than just telling us. 
But all in all another powerful bit of work 
BBS
I really liked this
Written by amy456 (25 comments posted) 7th July 2006
The best bit was the bit in italics, where she's thinking about whether to cut. However, I also agree with the comment about the dialogue. Still, this is an improvement on the first piece. I'm really enjoying it. I don't know if you've already written the whole thing, but it would be good to see her in the crisis camp. Hope this helped!
It's Good
Written by Nikola-Jay (1 comments posted) 7th July 2006
I really liked this. 
The part where she was strugling with whether to cut herself or not was very well done!  
I agree with amy on the crisis camp. it would be good to see.  
at the moment, it feels like you're only scratching the top of what this story could be. 
It would be good if you actually added a bit of dialouge, so you could get to know the characters a bit more.  
The part in the ittalics is good, it starts to go deeper. 
Its better then the first one. 
Keep writing!! :grin
thnks! :)
Written by CorletteLoveheart (15 comments posted) 8th July 2006
thankyou so much for reviewing! also if you want me to do anything just tell me... romance more struggling with the self harm and stuff like that... i'd be happy to take some advice and i want to know what you guys would like to see from Aofie... also amy and nikola yes i am having her in the crisis camp... thats good... i planned to do that lol... :) ok thankyou so much for your reviews!  
 
Love Corlette

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