Great Writing - Home > Short S. > Casablanca.....
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 2075 guests online and 7 members online
Shorts
Casablanca.....
By Marie
07 July 2006
Hi Everyone,
I have writen some very small piece of work. I thought I'd better start somewhere before
I become a shadow wishing I had done this and that.
I know the piece needs work, it's quite obvious. But my problem is when I do try I end
up throwing it away because nothing seems to work, or could it be that I do not have
any patience.
Any way I shall let you judge that brave little piece of story that normally would have journeyed the adventures of a dusty bin.
cheers
Marie


The weather is hot, very hot here in Casablanca. I am packing my suit case and
looking forward to return to my home in London. Not because I enjoy London's
wintery grey skies and the grey tombs of concrete streets closing  in on me as
I head to work at the office. I miss my cosy bed and the sound of the alarm clock at
five am summoning me to wake up and get to work on time. Oh yes, the office
person I am. I work behind my walnut desk entering data that I never question.

I feel my soul is being devoured to nothingness and as evening presents itself there comes a glimpse of hope that tomorrow is only a night away. My footsteps hurriedly runs towards the sardined packed bus. Blank faces of people meet my eyes and my mind ponders as I look to switch the light on.


So here I am in Casablanca packing my suitcase and breathing in the exotic aromas
of an ancient land surrounded by tall palm trees that almost reach the vibrant hues
of blues in the sky. The music flows through the white washed walls and my body is
invaded with colors of rose healthy cheeks and a tanned body.

The Hotel Sauniere is surrounded by marbled columns and the inviting sculptures of
the French Renainsance and Morrocan garden seem in marital bliss. Whilst packing
my suitcase a sense of surrealism and anxiety overcomes me. Looking at the ocean from my hotel window I admire the lilac ocean waves that cools the beige sand.
I hear the laughter of people passing by. And I ask myself have I yet tasted the escargot served in with a hot sauce? hum, I am thinking to myself I could this evening have the couscous with coriander lamb and spices? Oh, and I almost forgot Madame et Monsieur Pierot have invited me to their chalet. I heard the belly dancers from Marakesh are performing a most exotic and artistic dance tonight at the hotel Music room. My eyes suddenly brighten and my lips curl to an subconscious smile, I breathe deeply and the light switches on like lights on a Christmas tree. My brain is filled by an electrical warmth travelling through the core of my existence; I laugh and say loudly Jean Pierre would be there.

I unpack my suitcase.

Marie

Reviews

Written by MikeMorris (106 comments posted) 11th July 2006
Hi Marie, 
I am a very new member of the group and there are very many better qualified people than I who can review your work. However, I liked it,I liked it a lot.Is it that the theme is a visitor to Casablanca is deciding whether to leave or stay? Contrasting the life there with the life they lead in London? I found the sentence "...as evening presents itself there comes a glimpse of hope that tomorrow is only a night away. ", very strikingly put. The sense that there are many things as yet untried and sensations as yet unfelt is very strong towards the end of the piece. Who, the reader wishes to know, is Jean Pierre/ And where will meeting him lead? I personally would like to see the piece made just a little longer, to tempt us further into the story. 
I hope someone with more experience than I have will provide you with more constructive advice. But please don't throw the belly dancers into the bin! At least not until you have told us about their exotic dance! 
With every best wish,  
Mike
Wrong place
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3291 comments posted) 21st July 2006
It read like the introduction to a longer work. You have set the scene vividly and introduced us to the some characters and hinted at other things to come. That's how it came across to me 
BTW You should post this in short stories (or Extended if it just the start) You will get a wider audience there. I only came across this by accident. 
cheers 
BBS

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item