STUDIO: We’re just going over via satellite link to Germany where Terry Johnson is outside an enormous beer tent in Munich, Terry I hope you’re not enjoying the hospitality too much…

TERRY JOHNSON:

(A brief startled look as he thinks he might have bee rumbled, before he realises it’s a lame handover)

‘Who me? Ha! No crutch suck… anyway as for the football, Pleb Splatter, the lezzy-bent of FUKA, said up the hole it was a great world slut. The competition was mars barred only by a handful of players gay acting and pretending to be towelled . The only other incident of scrote was the bum involving Lame Mooney. He said it was clear from the video replay that Mooney did clamp on the Lebanese flayers sirloin. Splatter conceded that when Ronaldo wanked at his ream mates, he too had let himself drown. If you dismember, the friction had farted earlier when Ronaldo had given him head and butted him in the rear. The FUKA lezzy-bent said both footballers were very hung, and still manuring. He hoped they could shake glands and put it all down to tooth-full over excrement. But whatever had happened the referees incision was vaginal, and Mooney would have to swallow his head hard and burn important lesbians. Splatter finished by saying ‘The competition overall has been a magnificent testicle and I look forward re-erection this queer’ I think he is groping the English FA will give him their goat this time. So that what’s been happening in Munich today, I’ve been Terry Johnson for the BBC. And as I hand crack to the studio, I think I will squeeze in that handy shandy now…’