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Poetry
the derelict house
By chocolate_puddle_duck
08 July 2006
funnily enough i felt just like this once, and i made it up so i though i would share it with the rest of the world and see what they think.

There is a derelict house,

people come in and graffiti all over it,

they go iside and smash up all the windows,

they go further and burst all the water pipes,

they go upstairs and into the main room and smash it up

until there is nothing left but a pile of rubble.

The house represents me,

and the graffiti is in my mind, messing it up,

all of the smashed windows represent my mouth making me say what i just dont mean,

the burst water pipes are my eyes and they just wont stop crying
 
the main room, is my heart and its being torn and ripped and i just cant stand it anymore.

Reviews

Written by steve_turner (21 comments posted) 8th July 2006
this is a lot like dream interpretation. i found this to be interesting, but a tad lazy. sorta like you did it while you waited for your turn at game-boy. 
 
are you feeling misunderstood? :?
Good images
Written by Leo (573 comments posted) 8th July 2006
Liked the premise. 
 
Keep on keeping on.
...
Written by chocolate_puddle_duck (6 comments posted) 9th July 2006
yes i agree it was a tad lazy i was in my room and had nothing to do when i wrote it, and if i remember correctly i was upset because i felt unwanted it was about a year ago now.

Written by BenMathew (3 comments posted) 9th July 2006
good use of imagery....but I think the message is imposed to severely. Also dont repeat phrases- try using different words for the phrase "smashed windows" or " burst pipes"

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