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By Free_Spirit
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09 July 2006 |
I just wanted to write something i supose and this popped into my head!
She stood there shaking tears running down her cheeks trying her best not to scream. It had been an accident. She hadnt meant to do it. Yet there was the knife in her hand and the wet figure on the floor infront of her. She knealt down beside the limp body and whisperd "sorry". Just then she heard a key turn in the lock "Im back" She heard her brother say... *** She sat on the floor and wept.. She wanted to die as the poor vicim had She wanted to be murdered. |
wow!
Written by chocolate_puddle_duck (6 comments posted) 9th July 2006 | | this is just amazing i dont know how you do it! good suspence and a great beginning is this going to continue on i'd just love to know more! | Well...
Written by givitsum (651 comments posted) 12th August 2006 | Hi Free_spirit.
Well you certainly included the crime, but I didn't find it exactly thrilling, sorry. Will keep an eye for fresh posts though.
Rgds
Givitsum |
Written by pualdo (10 comments posted) 26th June 2007 | | Maybe flesh the story out a bit more. |
Written by obsidian_amethyst (31 comments posted) 27th March 2008 | Okay, firstly I think this is a bit short - maybe you could lenghten it a bit more so that we learn more about the victim and murderer.
Spellings - suppose, knelt, whispered.
Apostrophes in appropriate places.
I like the beginning but I think there needs to be more. |
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