Memories of Kosova.
Pristine Hospital moans with land mine legs
broken branches bearing no cross,
the dispossed dream of
devastation whilst
weary nurses weep
giving birth to the days end
fatigue feeding the acceptence
that sobbing shadows whisper
time is devouring the relief
they know nothing of peace.
only the dead know peace
exhume their pale corpse's
breathe life back into them
listen
as decayed lips speak
through mouths filled with dirt
only then
will the finger bones of my brothers grasp
the black wind and shake the dove
from the shoulders of the sky,
with empty shoes and
veins bleeding a white rain
only then will
the dead bring peace
only the dead know peace.
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Written by jsyingling (31 comments posted) 9th July 2006 |
Very impressive and intense piece of poetry. I love the alliteration and places, as well as the ending. The linebreaks add to the intensity and help slow down the poem in an extremely effective manner. My favorite lines (favorite because of the emotional impact) are "thorugh mouths filled with dirt" and the last two. I'm a little confused about the big space in the middle of the poem. I don't see any content subject change or any different direction the poem takes, so don't understand its purpose. Other than that, a really effective memoir. Is it from personal experience? j. |
thanks Written by maipenrai (783 comments posted) 9th July 2006 |
Hi and thank you for your comments and for coming back on this. yes it is an personal experience,i work in Aid and sspent a year in Kosova helping to set up a EMS Ambulence Service. Again Thanks Bernie |
Powerful Written by Leo (573 comments posted) 10th July 2006 |
You create a piece of writing that hits hard on the way in and says with the reader. thank you |
thanks Written by maipenrai (783 comments posted) 10th July 2006 |
Thanks Les for your comments and for taking the time. Bernie |
Written by MikeMorris (106 comments posted) 10th July 2006 |
I'll be honest and admit I found the first stanza difficult. I think the second stanza has great skill and impact and could stand on its own. A very powerful piece, many thanks. Mike |
thanks Written by maipenrai (783 comments posted) 10th July 2006 |
thanks Mike for your comments and for taking the time/ for interest,there are a couple of pieces i put on here last year that maybe of interest to you. Children,Sweets and Suicide Bombers,25 july 05 Robert 5 june 05 |
Chilling Written by mishmish (389 comments posted) 31st July 2006 |
The reality of the experience surges forth in this brilliant poem. The reader knows you've been there, seen this. The pain is in every word, every image. The lines... only then will the finger bones of my brothers grasp the black wind and shake the dove from the shoulders of the sky, scream out at me, saying 'how many have to die, before peace is finally declared'. This is a shattering poem, one that touches your soul. You are really quite a writer! With best wishes mishmish |
thanks Written by maipenrai (783 comments posted) 1st August 2006 |
mishmash for your very kind comments Bernie |
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