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Great Writing - Home > Comedy > THEY THINK IT'S ALL OVER..........but the W.A.G.S save our pride
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Comedy
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| THEY THINK IT'S ALL OVER..........but the W.A.G.S save our pride | |
| By Bottleblondesurfer | ||||||||||||||||||||
| 10 July 2006 | ||||||||||||||||||||
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The W A G S do their best to save British pride by doing what they do best. I've tried to capture the spirit of football in the commentary. The Wives And Girlfiends have decamped to Spain in their quest for world domination The three football pundits are doing the commentary. Gary Linnekear- cheeky grin, hopelessly unfunny Terry Venebles- open neck shirt, deadly serious That Scots bloke- action-man hair, unintelligible clichés GARY- Well it seems that Nancy Dell’Olio has made few changes from the team that successfully cleaned out the Principles store and earned the WAGS a place in the semi-finals. TERRY- And, as you’d expect she’s playing Posh and Colleen up front with their spending power and Michael Owen has given Louise Bonscell a platinum card so she’ll take a floating position with them. GARY- All the new changes are in mid field, with Cherly Tweedy, Emma Hadfield and Carly Zucker coming on. SCOTS- Och aye, At the end of the day. It’s a game of two halves TERRY- How true and…. No, wait- the doors are opening and in they go. This one is going to take some stamina, It’s the first time they have taken on a department store and they’ll have to pace themselves. GARY- Yes they’re taking on the biggest store in Spain and those Spanish customers are going to be after the same bargains. TERRY- It’s Accessories first. This has caused problems in the past. They can get distracted by all the bright colours. GARY- Posh is away, as always. She’s spotted a Versace thong, there’s only one and the Spanish are after it, too. Emma as taken possession but she can’t get past. TERRY- O0oooh look at that! She flipped it to Carly. Carly to Posh and and back to Emma who lobs it to Colleen and she drops it neatly in the basket. What a result. GARY- Yes that Spanish girl thought she had that one safe but it’ll be Colleen who’ll be flossing her bum with it to-night! SCOTS- Och aye, At the end of the day it’s a bum of two halves TERRY- That should have Wayne swelling with pride I think, Gary. GARY- Yes and not just with pride, I fancy…heh heh TERRY-They’ve started another attack And …Oh no What a mistake. Louise has gone for the Sarongs. The others wont like that. GARY- No you don’t expect that from her. I mean they’re so last season. I think Posh gave hers to David. No-one wears them now TERRY- Nancy is furious..Oh she’s making a substitution. She’s off and Alex Curran is coming on now. I don’t blame Nancy. A Sarong for heavens sake Gary- Well, Sarong and yet it seemed so right. eh Terry TERRY- I was hoping you wouldn’t say that. SCOTS –At the end of the day….. GARY-Must stop you there. The Wags are now under pressure. They’re going after Pashminas; it’s looking good ….and Posh is off side. She’s definitely offside. TERRY- She’s wandered into the children’s section. Now she’s done this before, hasn’t she, Gary. GARY- Yes on more than one occasion, but to be fair to the girl it’s the only way she can find anything to fit her. TERRY – Oh dirty play from the locals They’re blocking the way to the shoes. But the girls were ready . They’ve veered off to Separates and then back to Shoes by the escalator. That pre-match training has paid off, here. GARY- This has left them a clear field in Separates and they’re stripping the racks. Little Emma is piling on the pressure. She’s grabbed 3 Donna Karen Jackets and races to the checkout. TERRY- But what’s this? The assistant is holding up a red card. It’s her Virgin credit card and yes she’s cutting it in half. Emma’s maxed it out. She wasn’t paying attention. So easily done. SCOTS- Och aye At the end of the day it’s a card of two halves GARY- Ooooh! this is just awful. She’ll have to miss shoes and lingerie and I doubt if her credit rating will improve in time for the Aquascutum Shop in Milan. And she’s walking off now. Unbelievable, eh Terry? TERRY- Why she kept using that one I’ll never know. GARY- I think Peter Crouch likes to collect the air-miles. Like he needs them! TERRY- Play is continuing. Posh has picked an Armani suit but it’s an 8 so it’s far too big. She handed it to Elen Rives who..but she’s been intercepted. That Spanish woman is taking it to check out GARY- Alex has postioned herself by the checkout and the woman has handed it to her,,well that was brilliant. She must have thought Alex was working there. TERRY- Well, all those gruelling hours on the sun- bed paid off, You have to admire the girl’s dedication and determination GARY- Yes she wanted that suit and she got it SCOTS- Well at the end of the day it’s a suit of two halves. GARY – And it’s half time, with gin slings all round and well deserved. TERRY- Well things are really looking up GARY – Definitely. We can’t hack it in the football but when it come to mindless hedonistic consumerism we can still show the world a thing or two SCOTS- Och-ay
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