POLL DOLL THE STAR.

Today was the big one-the Command Performance and topping the bill was our very own Poll Doll. It was now 30 minutes to her spot and the make up girl had just left. Poll looked at Uncle Brian and commented, "It never fails to amaze me how back of house can be so shabby"

Uncle Brian kept his own counsel. Polly continued "Look at this dressing room, top of the bill I had better at Scunthorpe Baths! "

Poll was tensed up, she kept looking at herself in the full length mirror. Her costume was basically a leopard skin leotard topped by a parrot headdress. It was both beautiful, and absurd. "They'll all be there wont they? Mum, and all our family, they'll have good seats? I wish granny and granddad could see me they'd be so proud"

Uncle Brian looked at the clockand pointed to the door, they both left the dressing room and made their way to the stage where they stood in the wings. It was now 10 minutes to her spot. The pair of them scanned the audience looking for potential allies. Those she would make eye contact with and would soon have them on her side.

However the synthetic boy/girl band mime dancing to their latest hit, were lead-ballooning. The Compere indicated to Poll that they were going to be pulled. She was ready for she could ad-lib her act for as long as was needed. So whilst the Compere called the proceedings to a halt; Poll and Uncle Brian were going through their routine.

Uncle Brian-How you feeling?

Poll Doll-I'm feeling good!

Uncle Brian-How you looking?

Poll Doll-I'm looking great!

Uncle Brian-What you gonna do out there?

Poll Doll-I'm gonna knock 'em dead!

Uncle Brian-Get out there and break a wing

Poll Doll-I sure will!

The curtain was just going up again, and the MC strolled out "And now topping the bill the Amazing Poll Doll! Part Amazonian Temptress and part parrot! The audience went wild it was a cacophony of parrot noises and catchphrases. Some of the adults and all of the children stood up. They pulled their elbows in to their body and flapped them forward and back as though they were wings. They shuffled about and wobbled their head from side to side just like Poll Doll did.

However when the 6ft tall gaunt if gaudy beanpole came on to stage, she walked sombrely to the mike. She was in tears. The audience cooed a big "aaaaah". "Bless her, love her, it's all too much for her" and many other epithets left their lips and mingled into a considerate and caring babble. Poll Doll motioned for silence and then addressed the audience.

"Tonight was to have been the greatest moment in my career and it will be if you would share with me a minutes silence in the memory of my late and wonderful Uncle Brian. He was always there for me and he died two hours ago backstage in my "wings"."

The house and stage lights went down and the emergency lighting came on. However Poll was caught in the softest of spotlights. She started to smile because unknown to the audience she could feel Uncle Brian. He was saying "Make sure I get a full minute, don't you go short changing me"

The house and stage lights came back up; Brian's final words were "Now Knock em dead". Polly threw her head back and flapped her wings so violently that people swore that she lifted clear off the ground. Several people muttered that she was on a wire. But she wasn't, for with his last wave of astral power Uncle Brian had lifted her into the air.

Her performance was brilliant; she started by giving her biggest caw ever. Her first line was new-"I've considered plastic surgery, but no I'm sure my nose is big enough. And as for implants, I'm certain that I would just keep pecking at them till they burst! She continued with a combination of old favourites and new material. At just the right moment she brought the act to an end.

Then there was the finale and the presentation. She was rather upset that the Crown Prince was absent but his Father made up for it. She then discretely made her way back to her dressing room. Having entered it she closed then locked the door and was astonished when a bright red parrot flew at her and settled onto her shoulder. "Well Poll Doll" said the Parrot, "Who's a clever girl?

Polly spluttered "How did you get in here?"

The familiar voice of the Crown Prince softly whispered "I brought him in and tried to teach him to say:"Prinny loves Poll Doll". But the bugger said to me, ""I'm not saying that rubbish" and he wouldn't"

"Where did you get him from" asked a puzzled Poll Doll.

An equally perplexed Prinny replied "He just turned up a few moments ago, settled on my shoulder and said "give me to Poll Doll after the show". I thought it was one your PR tricks. So I came down here, used the pass key to get in and then waited for you, as I always do. The Parrot and I have had a long chat and he's suggested that I ask you to marry me. Will you?"

"Oh yes" said Poll Doll "I'm sick of being your mistress!"

The Parrot flapped his wings and made as if he was going to attack Poll Doll.

She looked at him and laughed "Sorry Uncle Brian but I didn't always tell you everything."