"Sign here please Guv". The lanky courier man handed the delivery docket to Fred at the door of the Leg Of Lamb public house. Fred scrawled his semi-illiterate signature on the chit, and closed the door, heading upstairs with microwave oven - sized box the DHL driver had brought. He didn't have a great deal of time, it was nearing 4:40pm, and he had to open up the pub at 5:30. He placed it on his bed, rubbing his hands with excitement. He had ordered himself a few treats from the Internet and had been eagerly awaiting their arrival. Using a pair of scissors, he cut the thick tape that sealed it, and opened the lid. His eyes lit up like fairy lights as he gazed upon his gifts to himself.

Terry's alarm clock sounded. Though it was Sunday, his night shift started here. Having his two nights off a week, Terry would maintain his sleep pattern over the weekend. Bed at 8am, up at 4:30pm. The cold shower helped waken him. He hated Sunday nights. His wife Lucy was downstairs doing him a fry up, as she usually did, as this was basically breakfast time for Terry. How Terry loved his wife Lucy, despite her pug-like face and pronounced limp. 

He approached her from behind and gave her a kiss on the cheek, as she stood flipping over his rashers of bacon and turning his sausages. Little did he know that his wife was counting down the hours until he had gone to work, so she could be with Harry Rivers. She felt little guilt, her obsession with Harry overpowered any sense of that. Terry flicked on the telly, and sat at the table. Slyly, Lucy took a small bottle from her apron pocket, allowed two drops to fall into Terry's freshly made cup of coffee, before stirring it thoroughly, and popping the bottle back in her pocket.

"Good evening to you's all!" Father Gerard of Connolly yelled as he entered the pub. His old mate Fred was behind the bar, as was Tanya washing glasses. Alan Short  was sat at the bar and raised his glass to acknowledge the Reverend's pleasantry. "Alright Gerry?" Fred replied, walking over to assume his usual position at the end of the bar. This was the end where Father Gerard liked to sit. He had always sat there, as firstly it was close to the toilet, secondly he and Fred could talk privately, and thirdly it offered an excellent view of the barmaid's legs and tit's, especially when she had to lean down to get a packet of pork scratchings. Fred had cunningly arranged the set up behind his bar, in a fashion that forced considerable bending and stretching by the staff, so as to provide maximum pervability for Father Gerard and himself.

"I got the....erm.....'delivery' today Gerry" Fred discreetly mumbled to the holy Father.

"Oi see's, Oi see's" he replied. "T'would be a dandy idea to keep dat ting under wraps just now Fred, so it would. Let me tink it over a wee whoile, and we'll talk about it again, so we will, to be sure." he continued, his hand stroking his chin as he smiled simultaneously both at Fred's news, and at the fantastic view of Tanya's knockers he was afforded as she reached down to grab a packet of salt 'n' vinegar Walkers for Alan Short.

Within the hour, the pub was slowly greeting the same faces as it so often did on an evening. Harry Rivers was sat having a pint, looking at his watch repeatedly, and looking very irritated. Mrs. Day was sat having a glass of sherry with Doris, whilst Ernie played cribbage with Greg Short. Greg had brought a pound of liver down for Ernie, as it was his favourite, and would often have an early morning fry-up before setting off on his milk round. Alan was watching, and his father explained the rules to his son as the game went on. Greg felt happy to be having a beer with his lad.

"Well bugger me!" Mrs. Day muttered to Doris, as the young couple walked in the pub, Chris opening the door for Brook, like a gentleman.

"Oooooh, fancy! Who'd have thought?" Doris responded, their eyes watching as the two strolled toward a quiet table, over in the corner.

"Eeeeeeh" said Mrs. Day. 

"Ooooooh" Doris added, followed by some collective tutting by the pair of them.

Chris greeted the two old biddies as they walked past, joking to Doris not to get too pissed so she wouldn't be late in the morning to open up his Post Office. Whilst Brook got comfy, Chris asked what she would like to drink, then headed over to bar to get the drinks in.

"A pint and a half of Carling please luv" he smiled to Tanya, who looked unimpressed to see her sister with this man Mann.

"What you doing with our Brook? I didn't know she did boyfriends" Tanya sarcastically commented, with just a hint of jealousy and she poured the drinks.

"Don't think you'll get anywhere with her you know, Miss prim & proper she is. Notice she wants half a lager. If you asked me, I'd take a long slow screw against the wall" Tanya sluttishly grinned. Chris just smiled, paid Tanya and headed back to Brook, who was sitting, looking radiant in a white top and black skirt. Her hair was tied up, but had a few straggly bits hanging down the side of the face, just how Chris liked it.

They spent the evening chatting, joking and reiterating to each other what they had been doing in the few years they hadn't seen each other. Sensitively, Chris chose not to mention the young Thai girl he spent over a year with whilst abroad, and likewise Brook kept her brief membership of the Druids & Wizards Society to herself. Tanya constantly glanced over, her temper building with every chuckle Brook let out, and every subtle, yet subconsciously intimate touch of Brooks arm Chris made.

Fred called last orders at 11:00pm, and the two stood up to leave. The pub was by now empty, with the exception of Father Gerard, who was pissed as a fart by now, and had moved from the Guinness on to the whisky. Chris held Brook's coat for her to put on, and the two left. Tanya watched through the window, as her sister and her escort strolled away from the pub and into the night. A rage was building inside her.

"Oi'll tell you someting .. (hic) young lady (hic)" Father Gerard warbled, "Oi would love to get inside your knickers (hic) so Oi would" he added grinning and leering at Tanya's shapely body.

"Oh aye? Well I've got a big enough c*nt in there as it is, without you aswell, so f*ck off!" the razor tongued, fiery barmaid hissed. How she wished she knew what her sister's evening had in store.