Just a story that has been in my head for awhile now.
I have been the assistant of Stagger West for 2 years now, That’s right THE Stagger West lead singer of The Homicidal Bunny Killers. I still have no clue why they picked out that name. Anyways I am the guy that gets his coffee and gets blamed when Mexican authorities find drugs in his bags. I spent 2 weeks in a Mexican jail because of that one. Stagger is a huge egomaniac and frankly I am tiring of it. It is time for Stagger to learn a lesson.
One of my many tasks is to make sure that Stagger stays out of trouble with the law and the press. After his nightly parties Stagger usually passes out with some girl and I have to clean up the mess. From drug paraphernalia to condoms to a sheep I have gotten rid of it all. No more of that.
After a rather wild party at a hotel Stagger did as always he took a girl and disappeared in his room. The party broke up and I made a phone call. Through Stagger’s door I could hear him “partying like an animal” as he liked to call it. I slowly opened the door. The next thing Stagger knew the press was rushing into the room. They got pictures of it all. Stagger standing with his pants down and a shocked look on his face is my favorite picture. It did not take long for the police to get involved there was plenty to bust him for. The drugs and the underage hooker were the real shockers. He was hauled off to jail protesting his innocence.
I was there in the court during Stagger’s sentencing and so was all of the western world’s media evidently. I was hoping for some real hard time with some real tough characters but all he got was community service. The judge wanted Stagger to do some anti-drug commercials, I actually laughed out loud when the judge said that.
The next day I woke Stagger up and we headed for the set. Evidently Stagger had really partied it up the night before cause he was still drunk and high. I had to literally drag Stagger out of the limo when we got there. He was a mess. The plan was for Stagger to sit on a stool and say the spiel and that’s it. Only one problem Stagger could not sit up. He kept falling out of the chair. Finally the director called for a couch and we propped him up on that. After 75 takes the director threw his arms up. He would work with what he had. I dragged Stagger back to the limo and I told him I was quitting. He mumbled something as the limo started to drive away. Finally I was free.
A few weeks later while packing my stuff in my apartment I caught the commercial. There was Stagger propped up on the couch.
“Hi kids this is Stagger say no todrghhkzzzzzzz.”
That’s right kids listen to Stagger and say no to todrghhkzzzzzzz.
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