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| Poll Doll-The In-Laws 2 | |
| By BrianRobertNeal | ||||||
| 15 July 2006 | ||||||
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This was written prior to any of the other pieces now itied together by the Poll Doll name. It explains how Cuttle-Fish ends up as the crown prince. WHICH HOUSE RULES? "Father, I have finally decided and I am renouncing my right of succession to the throne" The soon to be ex-crown prince continued, "I am sick of the constant prurient interest of the media. I make no bones about the fact that I enjoy women and their charms. I like a drink and good companionship. So at 6pm tonight I am giving a press conference and I felt that you should at least know what I am intending to say." King Thomas the Tank stormed out of the room. But secretly he was quite delighted, for his eldest son had been a constant source of worry and embarrassment. He was so unlike the now heir to the throne. The second son was in fact no different from his older brother he was just more discrete. Furthermore the women that he attracted were drawn by his boyish charm, his measured diffidence and his prowess in bed: and not the prospect of one day becoming Queen. The media found him drab and boring and so left him alone. The King contacted the media; "I shall be making an announcement from the balcony of the Palace at 12 noon. I shall not be dressing for the occasion and I shall speak for no more than ten minutes." The King contacted both his second and youngest sons and instructed them to be at the palace by 11am. They were not to speak to the Crown Prince. However the King should not have worried as his eldest had disappeared for a romantic tryst with one of his many female admirers. The media were perplexed. The royal household press officials were contacted but they had no idea what the King was going to no say or why he had totally ignored them. All the usual sources of leaks and gossip were equally in the dark. Rumours spread rapidly, the King is going to abdicate was the most popular of the conjecturing. To make things more difficult the King shut himself away in his Model Railway Room from which he did not emerge until 11.50am. Though he had not ordered it, the Royal Staff had set up a microphone and P/A system. So at Noon the King walked out onto the balcony. He was astonished at the size of the crowd outside the palace. They had had less than two hours to hear the news and then get to the gates. However the cheers surprised him, and a chant though indistinct seemed to say "don’t go, don’t go." He burst into tears and the crowd were moved by this very human king.. The new heir apparent went to the microphone and politely asked the crowd if they would allow his father to make the announcement. The King was not following a script but ad-libbed. He said, " firstly thank you for coming and I apologise for my show of emotion but I was totally unaware of the warmth that you feel towards me." There was a ripple of modest applause. He waited until it had died down and continued, "It is with heavy heart that I have to tell you that my eldest son, the Crown Prince, has renounced his claim to the throne. I therefore am announcing that that the heir apparent is now my second son. Who unlike his brother is willing to take up the unattractive proposition of one day becoming King." The Monarch stood back and ushered the new Crown Prince to the microphone. The crowd were quiet but they at least were not booing. The gangling 20 something smiled and admitted, "I’m not very good at these things, I’m sure I’ll mess it up but if I can in time earn the love and affection that you felt towards my darling late grand mother and feel towards my wonderful father then my time as King will for me be a source of pleasure and satisfaction. Three cheers for the King, hip hip." The crowd became deafening. The three men stood at the front of the balcony and waved. The King hugged each of his sons and then stepped back into the palace. The Princes smiled and waved. After 15 minutes when the crowd started to melt away they stepped back into the palace. The courtiers were stood in serried ranks, but no-one would open the confrontation. The King suddenly clapped his hands and said, " I don’t pay you to stand around gawping, be off about your duties." He then apprised his two sons of his morning meeting with their brother. He laughed, "for the first time I will have shocked and hopefully surprised him." He looked at his youngest and stated "I look to you to support the new crown prince because he does not have your strength and is a bit too quiet and shy for his own good." The King then went back to playing trains. When the brothers were sure that their father was well out of the way they both burst out laughing: for they knew what their brother was up to. The three of them had been planning this for months. One said to the other, "If father has shocked our brother, our brother will certainly shock poor father". The now Ex-Crown Prince suggested to his amour that perhaps some spicy DVDs might assist a second wind. She switched the bed-room television on and they both froze. It was the news and there was the King, they watched stunned as they heard the announcement. The young woman burst into tears and said "Thank god we can finally marry." You see the press knew all about the others but not about the stable girl who would never be an acceptable Queen. He shouted, "Yes, yes, yes yes, yes and it won’t have to be in that ghastly Abbey. I fancy a registrar’s office. " The girl laughed, "How about the Hard Rock Café?", The thirty year old added "We could hold the reception in MacDonald’s." Then unaccountably the girl burst once again into tears, "I am not worth it, think of what you have thrown away." He held her very tight and said, "There’s only thing that will get you out of this mood." They both shouted “Rolly-Pie”. Each went to their edge of the bed and then rolled towards the other. There was a brief grapple and the girl ended up on top. He looked up at her, "You’re coming to my announcement and afterwards if you would be so kind you will accept my now very humble offer of marriage." The beauty of the Royal Estate was that there were many buildings not shown on the official maps and several covert entrances/exits. A shabby barn housed a very cunningly disguised comfortable cottage and garage. At three o’clock the young woman was told to make herself look beautiful. So she threw off her dressing gown and said, "Will this do? " This drew the response, "For me yes but not the gawping millions." So at five she was finally ready. They, though still within the barn left the cottage and got into a Mini-Cooper. The girl giggled "I love this bit it’s just like Thunderbirds." At a press of a button the Barn Door Folded away. Then when they exited, it closed behind them. He drove the car at a seemingly solid wall which also parted just wide enough to allow the Mini through. It then closed behind the car. They waited till the traffic on the public road beyond the wall showed a respite and then they shot out across the verge and onto the road. When they had joined the main London Road, the ex-crown prince called a coded number and requested a Police escort. As if by magic the Mini gained motor cycle outriders and a protective van at its front and rear. The announcement was to be made at the Guild Hall. A decision made by security at the very last moment. On arrival the young man sprang out of the car and pushed the security man who was about to open the passenger door out of the way. He then opened it and helped the Stable Girl out. They walked arm in arm into the media melee. His answer to every question was, "Wait until he got onto the dais. Then I will in time answer most if not all of your questions. The girl tried to pull away but he gripped her very tightly. The pair mounted the Dais, stood in front of the microphone and looked out at the crowd. He asked for a chair and when it was brought he sat the girl down on it. He started; "I believe that my father has given away my little secret. But I have three little surprises for him namely:- 1) I am to marry the most beautiful woman in the world if she will have me. 2) In roughly 6 months time, please god, we will have an equally beautiful or handsome child. So father you are to be a granddad. 3) And finally I am going into politics." The media had cheered the first announcement for the public love marriages. Their response to the second was a little less enthusiastic. Most felt that what could have been a marvellous expose had been scandalously thrown away. Fancy telling us she was pregnant! The man has no shame! However the final announcement left them speechless. But what was to come next almost caused a riot. The ex-prince, now commoner, stared defiantly at the crowd and started his main oration. "Since a child I have seen my family and those I love vilified and abused by the media. But worse still my father and his father have had to put up with some of the most odious people on this god’s earth. I don’t just mean the monstrous murderers posing as legitimate heads of third world or East European States. No some of the most unpleasant have been our prime ministers." "The current PM epitomises everything that is rank and dishonest. I challenge him to take the Chiltern Hundreds and stand against me in open election. He has said that if this kingdom were given the choice they would vote for him over any living member of the Royal Family. Well I am believed to be the most popular of an unpopular mob, so PM, put your money where your mouth is." He then stood the young woman up; dropped to one knee and asked her if she would marry him. He took her ring finger and slipped onto it a very modest single stoned band. He arose kissed her and turned to the crowd. He defiantly stated, "She may only be a stable girl, but at least she, unlike me, has got a job and prospects." Those images and words quickly circled the world. The couple then left and were escorted to the youngest brother’s modest mansion. They quickly entered and strolled into the drawing room. Thomas the Tank ran towards them and hugged the girl and then his son. He told them, "All my life I have had to do everybody’s bidding. I despaired when I thought that my children would share the same fate." He looked at the girl and said, "You are the spitting image of your mother. She was as beautiful then, as you are now. I could only look at and want her from a distance. I think it is wonderful that her blood and mine will be in my first grandchild. God bless the three of you." The media shot off to number 10 where the PM was entertaining one of the less revolting heads of an ex-colonial state. Though a tyrant he had never admitted to eating any of his clergy. All the many persons killed by his regime had received summary Justice in the Courts. Some had even been allowed to argue their defence. This was usually a ruse to confuse the accused and any person named by them in the trial would soon find themselves arrested, tried and shot. Clever dissidents named seemingly loyal members of the Tyrant's own party and probably accounted for more governmental deaths than did the official opposition and their terrorists. Sometimes in life there are just no good guys. The next day the media were full of it. Nobody knew who they should target. However the consensus was the PM. He stolidly refused to comment at all but the matter could not be avoided at question time. The leader of the opposition got up and asked, "If the PM were to take the Chiltern Hundreds and be defeated, would he resign, or become ennobled and lead the commons from the House of Lords or would a loyal safe seated back bencher sacrifice their seat to allow the PM back into the Commons?" The PM answered succinctly. "I have no intention of resigning and going for re-election. I think that I would be merely playing a very silly boy’s childish game." The leader of the opposition asked the PM, "Was the PM aware that a Poll conducted in his Constituency showed that 70% of people questioned said that they would vote for, as you call him, the very silly young boy!" "He added, my party would not take advantage of the situation and would not field a candidate." The leader of the smaller opposition party informed the PM that , "My party would also not field a candidate." The PM quickly answered, "so there could possibly be 3 candidates, me and two representing the raving monster loony party." However later that evening an emergency cabinet meeting was held. It was agreed that the TV expose of the visiting Tyrant had hit the Government’s Popularity very hard. Thus it was that the PM was forced by the Cabinet to take the Chiltern Hundreds. The election could be in a month’s time. Its razzmatazz hopefully would hide the latest round of disastrous crime, trade and employment figures. Furthermore a month is a long time in Politics and surely the electorate would forget that the money the tax payer had paid to wipe out the Tyrant’s Nation’s debt had in fact been spent on buying British Armaments. To be continued.
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