We found Action Man at a summer gala. My 4 year old daughter spotted him on a second hand toy stall buried under a pile of last year's Happy Meal toys. He had no boots or helmet or rifle but he still had the remains of his battle-scarred khaki uniform and she hauled him out of his hiding place with a cry of triumph - a 4 year girl's equivalent of 'For you Tommy ze war is over.' She didn’t actually want Action Man, of course, what she wanted was a Ken for her Barbie.

Ken, for those who do not know, is Barbie's pretty-boy boyfriend - a kept man with a vacuous grin and an unhealthy interest in designer leisure-wear. Whereas Action Man is a tough guy - a man's man, you know he's tough because he has a scar on his face and a rigid six-pack stomach. Indeed his whole demeanour is that of a ruthless professional killer. He would probably despise Ken to such an extent that he wouldn't even bother to waste a bullet on him, he would simply drive over him in his jeep, impervious to his screams. I tried to explain this to my daughter, insisting that Action Man is not Ken and never will be, and how he might gladly murder Ken just for being Ken, but to no avail. She wanted a Ken and Ken is now the role that fate has decreed Action Man must play.

He is now established as Barbie's closest companion, his khaki combat gear has been exchanged for colourful beach wear and he now inhabits a world of cuddly toys, pink fairy princesses and pastel ponies. It's not a bad life for an old soldier I suppose - his days are full and varied and he gets to see Barbie naked quite a lot. But when all the tea parties, picnics and fashion shows are over for the day and my daughter is asleep I sometimes find Action Man sitting alone in the pink Barbie car, gazing expressionlessly at the wall. He still looks as mean and determined as ever despite being dressed in borrowed Lycra shorts and a too-tight beach shirt but is this the life he would want for himself? Is he happy to 'settle down' to this life of domesticity or does he miss his action days? Does he hanker to be thrown out of bedroom windows in a homemade parachute or to lay low in camouflaged hideout in the garden, picking off hapless Krauts? He surely must miss his armoured, all-terrain, 4WD amphibious personnel carrier with missile firing capability. And for those of you who were wondering, I have already ruled out the possibility that he is gay and thus perfectly content to wear lycra and drive a pink convertible. He is not – he is Action Man. What an airhead like Barbie sees in the battle hardened and emotionally damaged veteran I don't know and I don't believe he does either. But then that's women for you. And maybe that's why he stares thoughtfully at the wall such a lot. I reckon he'll be OK.

Perhaps most men end up as Ken to some extent (a few harbour a yearning to be Barbie too for that matter but lets not go there). Though I guess they prefer to think of themselves as more of a retired Action Man than an actual Ken. A Russell Crowe rather than a Richard Madeley. And they're generally pretty content with that. Although that never stops them dreaming about having an all-terrain, missile-firing car.