The weather is hot, very hot here in Casablanca. I am packing my suit case and
looking forward to return to my home in London. Not because I enjoy London's
wintery grey skies and the grey tombs of concrete streets closing  in on me as
I head to work at the office. I miss my cosy bed and the sound of the alarm clock at
five am summoning me to wake up and get to work on time. Oh yes, the office
person I am. I work behind my walnut desk entering data that I never question.

I feel my soul is being devoured to nothingness and as evening presents itself there comes a glimpse of hope that tomorrow is only a night away. My footsteps hurriedly runs towards the sardined packed bus. Blank faces of people meet my eyes and my mind ponders as I look to switch the light on.


So here I am in Casablanca packing my suitcase and breathing in the exotic aromas
of an ancient land surrounded by tall palm trees that almost reach the vibrant hues
of blues in the sky. The music flows through the white washed walls and my body is
invaded with colors of rose healthy cheeks and a tanned body.

The Hotel Sauniere is surrounded by marbled columns and the inviting sculptures of
the French Renainsance and Morrocan garden seem in marital bliss. Whilst packing
my suitcase a sense of surrealism and anxiety overcomes me. Looking at the ocean from my hotel window I admire the lilac ocean waves that cools the beige sand.
I hear the laughter of people passing by. And I ask myself have I yet tasted the escargot served in with a hot sauce? hum, I am thinking to myself I could this evening have the couscous with coriander lamb and spices? Oh, and I almost forgot Madame et Monsieur Pierot have invited me to their chalet. I heard the belly dancers from Marakesh are performing a most exotic and artistic dance tonight at the hotel Music room. My eyes suddenly brighten and my lips curl to an subconscious smile, I breathe deeply and the light switches on like lights on a Christmas tree. My brain is filled by an electrical warmth travelling through the core of my existence; I laugh and say loudly Jean Pierre would be there.

I unpack my suitcase.

Marie

Reviews

Written by MikeMorris (23 comments posted) 11th July 2006

Hi Marie,  I am a very new member of the group and there are very many better qualified people than I who can review your work. However, I liked it,I liked it a lot.Is it that the theme is a visitor to Casablanca is deciding whether to leave or stay? Contrasting the life there with the life they lead in London? I found the sentence "...as evening presents itself there comes a glimpse of hope that tomorrow is only a night away. ", very strikingly put. The sense that there are many things as yet untried and sensations as yet unfelt is very strong towards the end of the piece. Who, the reader wishes to know, is Jean Pierre/ And where will meeting him lead? I personally would like to see the piece made just a little longer, to tempt us further into the story.  I hope someone with more experience than I have will provide you with more constructive advice. But please don't throw the belly dancers into the bin! At least not until you have told us about their exotic dance!  With every best wish,   Mike

Wrong place Written by Bottleblondesurfer (681 comments posted) 21st July 2006

I BBS

function x () { return; } function ac_smilie(thesmile) { document.akocommentform.comment.value += " "+thesmile+" "; document.akocommentform.comment.focus(); } function validate(){ if (document.akocommentform.comment.value==''){ alert("Please insert at least a comment."); } else { document.akocommentform.action = 'index.php'; document.akocommentform.submit(); } }function DoPrompt(action) { var revisedMessage; var currentMessage = document.akocommentform.comment.value; if (action == "url") { var thisURL = prompt("Enter the URL for the link you want to add.", "http://"); var thisTitle = prompt("Enter the web site title", "Page Title"); var urlBBCode = "[URL="+thisURL+"]"+thisTitle+"[/URL]"; revisedMessage = currentMessage+urlBBCode; document.akocommentform.comment.value=revisedMessage; document.akocommentform.comment.focus(); return; } if (action == "email") { var thisEmail = prompt("Enter the email address you want to add.", ""); var emailBBCode = "[EMAIL]"+thisEmail+"[/EMAIL]"; revisedMessage = currentMessage+emailBBCode; document.akocommentform.comment.value=revisedMessage; document.akocommentform.comment.focus(); return; } if (action == "bold") { var thisBold = prompt("Enter the text that you want to make bold.", ""); var boldBBCode = "[B]"+thisBold+"[/B]"; revisedMessage = currentMessage+boldBBCode; document.akocommentform.comment.value=revisedMessage; document.akocommentform.comment.focus(); return; } if (action == "italic") { var thisItal = prompt("Enter the text that you want to make italic.", ""); var italBBCode = "[I]"+thisItal+"[/I]"; revisedMessage = currentMessage+italBBCode; document.akocommentform.comment.value=revisedMessage; document.akocommentform.comment.focus(); return; } if (action == "underline") { var thisUndl = prompt("Enter the text that you want to be undelined.", ""); var undlBBCode = "[U]"+thisUndl+"[/U]"; revisedMessage = currentMessage+undlBBCode; document.akocommentform.comment.value=revisedMessage; document.akocommentform.comment.focus(); return; } if (action == "image") { var thisImage = prompt("Enter the URL for the image you want to display.", "http://"); var imageBBCode = "[IMG]"+thisImage+"[/IMG]"; revisedMessage = currentMessage+imageBBCode; document.akocommentform.comment.value=revisedMessage; document.akocommentform.comment.focus(); return; } if (action == "quote") { var quoteBBCode = "[QUOTE] [/QUOTE]"; revisedMessage = currentMessage+quoteBBCode; document.akocommentform.comment.value=revisedMessage; document.akocommentform.comment.focus(); return; } if (action == "code") { var codeBBCode = "[CODE] [/CODE]"; revisedMessage = currentMessage+codeBBCode; document.akocommentform.comment.value=revisedMessage; document.akocommentform.comment.focus(); return; } if (action == "listopen") { var liststartBBCode = "[LIST]"; revisedMessage = currentMessage+liststartBBCode; document.akocommentform.comment.value=revisedMessage; document.akocommentform.comment.focus(); return; } if (action == "listclose") { var listendBBCode = "[/LIST]"; revisedMessage = currentMessage+listendBBCode; document.akocommentform.comment.value=revisedMessage; document.akocommentform.comment.focus(); return; } if (action == "listitem") { var thisItem = prompt("Enter the new list item. Note that each list group must be preceeded by a List Close and must be ended with List Close.", ""); var itemBBCode = "[*]"+thisItem; revisedMessage = currentMessage+itemBBCode; document.akocommentform.comment.value=revisedMessage; document.akocommentform.comment.focus(); return; }}

Write a review
Name:	Marie
Title:
BBCode:
Comment:
Here are some key points to look out for and comment on when you are critiquing... TITLE - is it eye-catching, relevant to story? BEGINNING - Does it hook you, lead into the story, relevance VOICE/VIEWPOINT - Does it come across well, show personality, is it right for the story, well handled? CHARACTERS & DIALOGUE - Do personalities show up; are they stereotypes; are they right for the story? USE OF ENGLISH/STYLE - Does it read well? Imaginitive use of language/imagery/layout, does it show 'sparkle'? Are there spelling errors/typos/jarring grammatical errors? DRAMA - Is there good use of action, enough tension/conflict? EMOTION - Are we swayed by the narrator and identify our emotions with the narrator? STORYLINE/PLOT - Is it evident? Is there a beginning,middle,end? Interesting/ original? THEME - What's the underlying meaning of the story? Was it evident? Understandable? ENDING - Are loose ends tied up? Are you let down? Was it expected/original?

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

Next item

This site is copyright 2005 - 2006 Great Wr