This was written about the breakdown of a relationship. I tried to turn the romantic idea of not needing words on its head: these two people aren't saying anything to each other, not because they're so happy words aren't required, but because they don't have anything left to say.
Critique welcomed :)
It's easier not to talk.
I can read the definitions
of your fingernails,
the quotes in your eyelashes.
The sentences that line
your tongue, like coffee.
The words in
your movements,
in the crease along
your forehead,
and the way that
you don't meet my eye.
They are loud,
and clear.
Silence that is black and white.
I remember when you
would embrace my body
with your words,
writing them
carefully
along my arms,
across my eyelids
and in between my toes.
I would laugh a little then,
and not say anything.
I couldn't recite those lines
on my back, like a script.
Before you speak, I'd like it if
you'd give me one last piece
of silence.
A pencil, a pen from a café
the eyeliner that you said I never needed.
Write love on the small ridge
between my lips and nose.
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Written by Clifftown (619 comments posted) 27th July 2006 |
This really intrigued me, and it reads very well. I'm not sure it needs the line "It's easier not to talk" at the beginning as to me this spells out what the poem is trying to say from the start, rather than letting the reader work it out. Perhaps this was your intention though! I'm not a big fan of poetry (as the quality of this review more than likely indicates) - but I liked this.
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Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 29th July 2006 |
thank you very much Clifftown- comment appreciated. It's true that the first statement is a bit obvious, but I see it as a kind of introductory statement- without it, the poem goes straight into "I can read the definitions..."- the pace is faster, and perhaps it is a little more confusing. There is, after all, always more for the reader to find out... |
enjoyed this Written by ellyb39 (79 comments posted) 31st July 2006 |
Hello Gutterkitty, really liked the first few images, particuarly 'quotes in your eyelashes' , but agree with clifftown about the first line. thanks! |
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 31st July 2006 |
thanks EB! I'll guess I'll have to rethink that first line... |
When you say nothing... Written by mishmish (389 comments posted) 1st August 2006 |
the silence speaks volumes! Your poem captures this perfectly. The fact that everything is spent, no words need to be said, actions/body language define the words not heard. What a wonderful poem! I loved the verse: The words in Your movements, In the crease along Your forehead And the way that You don't meet my eye. They are loud, and clear. Silence that is black and white. The last line, there can be no confusion, no contradiction over what the silence means...that's it, it's over the truth is black and white. I can carry on reading in to this poem and enjoying every moment. Thank you for sharing... Best wishes mishmish x |
♪ "You say it best .... " Written by Bagheera (680 comments posted) 1st August 2006 |
♪ .... when you say nothing at all" ♪ (??Meat Loaf??) You've started this ditty running through my head, where it will continue to spool from end to end until I find it in my tape/CD library and exorcise the demon by playing it in full! Very sensitive, eloquent silences tackling a very difficult subject - personally I would never DARE to try!! |
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 2nd August 2006 |
Thank you mishmish and Bagheera I'm glad I struck a chord. Oh dear...there really wasn't a pun intended there...Anyway, thanks for your comments! I had an image of a woman lying on a bed, covered in black writing, and that's basically where this sprung from. Any opinions about the first line, by any chance...? |
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