"I am in my bed, sleeping, and then it comes. A tornado, a dark one, a shiny one, approaches me and a ghastly looking man drags me into it. I go around and around in circles and feel like I am being dragged to a far away land. I wake up in a sweat, but I am still on my bed”.

“I just have to run a few steps and give myself a little push and lo! I am in the skies. Flying. Flying amidst the clouds, through the green trees, above the tall buildings. But sometimes I can’t fly that high and am back on ground abruptly. Flying is something that I have always wanted to do”.

“I am plummeting to the ground at break neck speed from the top of a towering building. I am unable to do anything and there is nothing left for me, but to die. But surprisingly each time I land on my feet and alive”.

“I am in a fight and want to scream at the top of my voice. But no words come out. It comes out more as a whimper and I feel helpless. No one hears my voice”.

“I see myself beating someone brutally because I hate him”.

“I am making love to a girl, but when I wake up in the morning, that girl would change into a man. But I am straight”.

“Sometimes I am out to dry my clothes in the balcony and the towel I have wrapped around me falls off and everybody sees me naked”.

“I am in a political party and we win the elections. I turn around and shoot profanities at the opposition”.

“Sometimes I see my mother being pushed around and being driven out of the house”.

“Those are some dreams you got there Mr.Sath”, said Dr. Atwood, the hypnotherapist cheerfully.

“But where do I get such weird dreams from Doctor?” asked a totally confused and scared Sath.

“Dreams are a way to analyze your psyche. Dreams sometimes could be such profound eye openers you know”, said Dr.Atwood assuringly.

“Help me figure this out Doctor. This is driving me crazy”, pleaded Sath.

“Don’t worry Mr.Sath. We will figure this out together. I would need your co-operation in whatever I tell you do. Will you work with me here?”

“Sure thing Doctor. Anything you say”.

“Good. Now just relax your body and free yourself from all the other thoughts. Just keep looking at this object I am holding in my hand. Synchronize your eye movements with it. If it goes left, you go left. If it goes right, you do the same. Understood?

“Yes doctor”.

“Now relax. Relax. Breathe deeply. You’re body is loose now. Your eyes are feeling heavier. You want to sleep. You can’t keep your eyes open anymore. You feel sleepy. Go to sleep. On the click of my finger, you will fall asleep”.

Saying this, Dr.Atwood snapped his fingers and Sath went into a deep sleep.

“Now tell me about your life, your childhood”.

“I have always felt that my parents loved my brother more than me. I always feared that someday I would be away from them, and then it finally happened. I stayed away from them for most part of my life, and still do. When I needed them the most, they weren’t there”.

Dr. Atwood encouraged him to continue.

“They made me stay with my aunt. I loved her. I loved her very much. I always used to hug her tight in my sleep. We were so happy. Then, then…”

“Then what? What happened Sath?”

“Then she got married and she left me. She left me with my granny. She left without even thinking about me. She was too happy to be living that stupid husband of hers. I hate them both”.

Dr. Atwood noticed his face contorting in anger and hatred and pain.

“Then what happened Sath”?

“I used to go this school nearby to my home. On the slightest of mistake I made, my teachers used to give me a beating ”.

Suddenly Sath started screaming. “Aah, it’s hurting. Please don’t hit me, please don’t. Dad…aah…mom...aah…aunty...aah…please save me…”

“Did they come Sath”?

“NO. NOBODY CAME. I CRIED EVERY NIGHT. MY BODY ACHED EVERY DAY. BUT NO ONE CAME. My grandparents were too old. They always dismissed my complaints with a casual shrug. My parents kept promising me that they would come and take me with them. That hope took me through a week of beating at my school. But…but they never came. My aunt was always busy with her life, her husband. I wanted to just run away and never come back. But I was too small and didn’t have the courage. I HATED that school”.

“Then”?   

"I had lost hope. I was always sad and dejected. My granny noticed that and sent me to stay with my Aunt and Uncle for a few days. That was perhaps the happiest day of my life. I was thrilled. I started living with them. But my uncle…”

Dr. Atwood noticed frustration and confusion on Sath’s face. “What did he do Sath. You can tell me.”

"He used to hit me with his belt. He used to push me on the ground and kick me, but my aunt would never know a thing. Then in the night, he used to touch me. He touched me in wrong places. But every time he tried to do that, I just got up on some pretext and went and slept on the couch and wake up with a terrible neck and back pain in the morning. I never let him. That’s what made him angrier and more violent.".

Sath’s tears didn’t seem to cease. He was choked and overwhelmed with emotion. It was clear to Dr.Atwood that this was possibly the first time he was talking about these things to someone.

“Keep going Sath. Tell me more”.

“There were so many things I wanted to talk about. But there was no one who would hear me out. I used to talk to God, but he never talked to me. He never hugged me and said that things will be fine. But he was the only one I could say things too. But I was always used to talk in my head. I was afraid that if I spoke aloud to him, my Uncle would hear me and kick me out. I wanted to scream at him for hitting me; I wanted to tell my aunt. But I was afraid that she would not believe me or simply tell me to leave. I wanted to kill him, but it was just something that wasn’t possible. So there I was, alone, unloved and uncared for ”.

“Yes Sath. Then?”

“Every time I got the courage to tell my mom, my uncle would snatch the phone away from me and the same routine of brutal beatings and punishments would continue”.

“Go on”.

“Once I had just come out after my bath. My aunt had gone to work. Only my uncle was there. He tried to do that with me again”.

“Do what Sath?”

“He tried to…to…touch me. I ran out of the house naked and when I tried to come in, he wouldn’t open the door. I heard him laugh. Then after I agreed to allow him do whatever he wanted to, that’s when he let me in. That…that…dirty BASTARD. He molested me. Then I don’t know how or why, my parents just came one day and took me home with them. I was sad to leave my aunt, but at the same time thankful to my parents for rescuing me from that hellhole. Then every night after that I was the oppressor in my dreams and my uncle was the victim. I used beat him up every night. I laughed at him and at his helplessness. For the first time I felt like he can’t come near me anymore”.

An unmistakable smile curved Sath’s lips upwards.

“Keep going Sath”.

“But I wasn’t happy with my Parents either. They used to fight every day, every night. The moment my father stepped in, he started screaming profanities at my mother. He used to beat her. I saw my Uncle in him and used to crouch under the table in fear. I saw the same monster in him. I wasn’t happy. Not at all. I felt suffocated. That’s when I decided that I wanted to stay alone. And that’s when I decided to get away from them on the pretext of pursuing my studies and then later, job. But I still keep getting those dreams. Those dreadful dreams”.

Dr. Atwood saw Sath getting worked up again.

“Relax. Calm down. Now when I snap my fingers, you will wake up”. The moment Dr. Atwood did that Sath woke up. Surprisingly he felt lighter. As if the heavy trunk of pain, anger and frustration that he was carrying had been lifted off his chest.  

“Why do I feel relived Doctor? What magic did you do? And what about my dreams. Do we have an answer? Enquired Sath.

“Nothing Mr.Sath. I did nothing. And yes, we do have an answer. See Mr.Sath, there is still a lot of pain lodged in your heart somewhere. You have had a difficult childhood. And all these years of silence, of not being able to express your feelings have taken their toll on you. All you need to do is have a candid conversation with your parents about every thing you have against them. You need to ask them for answers. Then you need to speak to your aunt. How you felt when she left you, when she ignored you or the times when you felt unloved. Then finally, you need to confront your Uncle. Ask him why he did what he did. I know it is not at all pleasant, but you need to vent out your feelings. You need to let in your parents and your aunt about what your Uncle did to you all these years. And Mr. Sath you need to know that you are an extremely nice person. Whatever happened to you is not your fault. So stop feeling guilty or angry. Just forgive those people and let go. Stand for yourself and stop being a doormat for people to clean their dirt on you. It’s a slow process Mr.Sath, but I am sure you will get through this. I want to see you tomorrow at the same time, o.k. Mr. Sath.

Sath just let the warm, salty liquid to go wherever it wanted to…nose, mouth, chin, neck. He didn’t bother to wipe it off. He felt really strange after hearing all that from the doctor. Some how he felt as if someone had covered his naked body, but at the same time, felt so naked, that he didn’t feel naked at all. He thanked him and promised to return for his next session.

He made up his mind to show HIMSELF and his real feelings to those who had hurt him and headed straight to the airport to book his ticket home. He knew it was high time.