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Meus Solitarius Con Curens |
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By rilLie
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28 July 2006 |
Written for a Filipino Proj. to write an epic. Lengthened and trasnlated to English, but still... same story... By the way... the title means: "Care for My Broken Heart" in Latin. My eyes... they could see things I wish not to see... I couldn't see them, but I know they were now red from strain, and wide from the shock of what I now see. Lachrimus, my comrade, was now shrieking, so unlike himself, but when, exactly, do you really see your best mate being magically tortured by the enemy? Not that much, do you? Tears were now gliding down my blood-red cheeks. His blood would forever be tainted on my skin, the memory forevermore in my mind. He was twitching, oh so, painfully as I watched. I cried out his name. A strong feeling of guilt was in my stomach. I was the one who wanted to stroll around in the forest. I was the one who persuaded him to come with me. But really, they were the ones to be blamed. We were a peaceful race, until they came. Now, even our governors have become violent. For us soldiers, we will forever be under a curse. A curse upon which states that we would kill every foreign soldier and/or mercenary in reach. I shrieked. It was the most I could do. The enemy had cornered us in the woods. I wanted to help him. But, I couldn't. They immobilized me. I couldn't move. They had just left my eyes in control so that I could see him, writhing and screaming at my feet. I started shaking violently against my bonds. I wanted, maybe even without a wand, to make them suffer. To make them feel the pain that I see that my friend is suffering. I wanted to wipe those filthy faces of the arrogance they had carried all these years, before the war, and even now. As three of them were watching, apparently greatly entertained and one was pointing his wand at Lachrimus, laughing madly. I couldn't help that feeling of rage. He was my friend, my closest comrade. Now, he was lost. Lachrimus. And that was the last I remembered. |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3434 comments posted) 28th July 2006 | Nothing like a latin title to put people off reading it. If You have to translate it I can't see the point of using it the first place. That said it was a curiosity provoking introduction, leaving the reader wanting to orientate himself and make sense of it Iwould seriously advice you not to bring in wands. I think we've all had enough of those with the dreaded Harry Potter cheers BBS | Hi Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 28th July 2006 | 1. First and foremost, pls take care of the formatting. 2. The description of the pain and suffering was very realistic. 3. The frustration of not being able to help the comrade was too put across very nicely. 4. All in all good work, but u cld have elaborated it a bit more. Chow, TT
| Written by Fledermaus (3448 comments posted) 28th January 2008 | An old piece, but then, why should one only read new ones? I certainly must disagree with BBS on the title. Rui had posted works with titles in pinyin and JohnnyD with titles in French, and usually they triggered my curiosity rather than putting me off. I do agree with her on the wands though: This would have been a lot more mysterious had you not mentioned them. A good piece. The emotion came across well. | Written by Fledermaus (3448 comments posted) 28th January 2008 | An old piece, but then, why should one only read new ones? I certainly must disagree with BBS on the title. Rui had posted works with titles in pinyin and JohnnyD with titles in French, and usually they triggered my curiosity rather than putting me off. I do agree with her on the wands though: This would have been a lot more mysterious had you not mentioned them. A good piece. The emotion came across well. |
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