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By chocolate_puddle_duck
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30 July 2006 |
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She sat there on the cold stoned floor. just waiting, paciently, plaiting her long black hair. At last she sighed relief as the front door opened and there stood here husband and she smiled weakly at him.
"come, sit down and have a glass of wine"she said plesently and she got up off the floor. He did as she wished and sat down at the table, and she gave him the glass smiling even more strongly than ever, and he took a sip. only a few moments later the look of revenge went off of lady parsons face.
she spoke " now now my dear, must not go to sleep at the table, so she took one of his arms and escored her husband up the bed. she put the covers up close to his chin and went back down stairs, and as she went she wispered, "goodbye my love". finally he was dead after all the hurt he had caused he could hurt no more because everynight she waited paciently plaiting her long black hair and when he arrived she would give him a glass of wine but when he had had the wine he got violent and would hit her but she had taken revenge no more could he hurt her because now he was dead. |
Few pointers Written by Gill21 (566 comments posted) 31st July 2006 | Really good story, a fantastic idea and works well in such a short piece too. The language needs a little work, for example ; 'the look of revenge went off of lady parsons face.' would be better wriiten as something like - 'the look of revenge earlier etched on lady parsons face, now succumbed to that of calm.' or something to this effect. also 'smiling even more strongly than ever' doesn't make sense. Maybe you just over looked this but a simple 'smiling more strongly than ever' is better. Just take a minute and look over the language and grammer, check your spelling, and see if it makes sense. Read it aloud to yourself and that should help. Otherwise, an imaginative peice of writing that had me gripped. Gillx |
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