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Poetry


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To Gill21

By BrianRobertNeal

30 July 2006

Immediate response to PM from Gill.

Poem needs some polishing.

Careless landing,

An awkward fall,

In that moment,

End to it all,

As bird of flight.

Child of the light,

By broken wing,

Prisoned til night

Reviews

Written by anna_svit-kona (42 comments posted) 30th July 2006

. . .

! ! !
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 30th July 2006

Each comma is to indcate a short pause.

Long pause indicated by full stop, period or point whichever you prefer.

Then as before, last point forgotten.

Otherwise Hello and Welcome to To GW.

could be longer
Written by writerpoet (7 comments posted) 1st August 2006

this poem needs a bit of polishing and could be longer. but shows promise

Ta WP
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 1st August 2006

Hello and welcome to GW.

Gill had written a tale involving an MC who appeared to have become chair-bound and thus excluded from the world of her friends.

The Poem was a response to her tale, me seeing her MC as an injued "fledgling."

Brian

Written by anna_svit-kona (42 comments posted) 2nd August 2006

I just was implying by my "..." that I was not sure what to think of it.
I do think it has a nice flow of words though.

Hi ASK
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 2nd August 2006

I had thought that you were questioning the use of commas. Which is a valid point.

Thank you for your comments on this and my short story.

I write very little serious poetry and my last two were in response to other writers' work.

You might like to look at "In Memorium".

Brian.

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