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Great Writing Site gets a face lift.
By Bottleblondesurfer
31 July 2006
 
Nascent the, G.W moderator, is worried about the state of the site and so she has decided to bring BRN Builders to get an estimate on some improvement work.


 
 
Nascent – O.K BRN,you can see by the reviews  that we need to some remedial work on the forums

 
BRN-( sharp intake of breath) I think it’s way past remedial if you want to improve interest. I mean just look at the poetry forum; it’s sagging, most of the metaphors just aren’t strong enough. You can’t support an allegory with metaphors like that.

 
Nascent – That sounds like a long job is there anything you can do meantime.

 
BRN- We might have something in the van. I’ll ask siddie. (shouts out)

Hey siddie, any metaphors back there.

 
Siddie- Not one, I told you. I said we’d need them but do you listen.

 
BRN-  Sorry about him. I think the medication is wearing off.

 
SIDDIE- We’ve got a few of those Universal Similes, they’ll hold for a while.

 
Nascent -I’ve heard about those, aren’t they a bit simplistic. patterjack would spot those immediately.

 
BRN –Well you’re real problem is lack of rhyming. The punters like it. I could get siddie to knock you out  a few, couldn’t guarantee the content with him though

 
Nascent- I like the sound of that and what about scansion, can you still get iambic pentameter?

 
BRN- No call for it now, it’s all metric.

 
Nascent- While you’re here did you look at the Short Stories.

 
BRN I couldn’t get in to look properly, it’s too cluttered.

 
Nascent- Is that why the reviews have dropped off. Can’t you do something? Iv’e got a torch, have a look.

 
BRN- Short stories you say. A bit short,  some of them, even for short stories. And if you look closely some aren’t stories at all but just introductions….see there?

 
Nascent- Oh yes you’re right. And I did notice  a problem with some of them being a bit derivative, is there anything you can do about that.

 
BRN- That is a tricky one. There’s only one way to deal with that. You need some originality. I had a supplier in Saffon Walden but he’s dried up.

 
Nascent-  I’m getting desperate. Couldn’t you knock out a few to keep me going.

 
BRN- Hey siddie, we need some originality urgently.

 
SIDDIE- We’ve got some left  but I don’t want to split the a pack. She’ll have to have all eight stories. It’s not cheap mind.

 
Nascent- Sorry!! Originality coming in packs; isn’t that a bit ironic?

 
BRN Yes it’s a special offer, the irony comes free. It’s a popular package. I’ve shifted no-end to writers dock.

 
 Nascent- I couldn’t just have the irony for now?

 
 
 BRN Too much work for Siddie, he hates handling irony.

 
Nascent- If I take it will you keep the comedy forum topped up. It’s so empty and untended. Look I’ll even take some more of siddie’s stuff.

 
BRN- OK it’s a deal

 
Nascent- Tell him to tone it down a bit though, the Flaming neighbours have been complaining.

 
BRN- The trouble is a couple of applications of scatological work from siddie won’t cure it  what you need is a good spoof or parody to stop the whole thing collapsing.

 
Nascent- Don’t I know it!  We haven’t had one for ages. And the cracks are showing


BRN- Tell you what;,for a price I’ll get BBS to shore things up with a quick spoof. I’m sure I could persuade her

 
Nascent Yeah, maybe a joke about the site itself that would be funny.

 
BRN I don’t   think she’s up to that, You need something stronger like Givit gypsum but I can’t get any.

 
Nascent- That’s a pity you’ll have to ask her then

 
BRN –O.K but just don’t expect it to be any good.

 
 
 

Reviews
Well, well, well,
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 31st July 2006
What an original and clever piece. 
 
I'm preparing a separate quote for POTW. There's a lot of work to be done, the current fitting seems to have rusted in place and will be difficult to remove. 
 
Brian.
Not so well well well.
Written by cynicsid (177 comments posted) 31st July 2006
How comes Boy wonder and Nascent gets 30 odd lines and I get just 3. 
 
Cross Siddie!
Siddie, Siddie!
Written by Bagheera (683 comments posted) 31st July 2006
;) .... that's because there's nothing to criticise in your output!! :grin

Written by brook_rivers (484 comments posted) 31st July 2006
a clever concept and a good read however I still think that this is the best creative writing web site online at the moment and despite a drop in activity during the beautiful summer months there is still a great sense of community on the site and a wealth of great writing, 
 
best wishes 
 
brook x
and thanks
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3352 comments posted) 31st July 2006
I really appreciate your comments BRN,glad you took to it and I'm sure siddie will get over it (either that or I'm going to be the subject of one of his little rhymes) 
And thanks Brook but you dont have to tell me how good teh site is. I've read nearly everything on it..Ta anyway 
BBS
right back at ya mrs b!!
Written by brook_rivers (484 comments posted) 31st July 2006
As i said in the PM just emphasing the fact of how much i enjoy the site and i believe that everybody who participates in the site from nascent behind the scenes, to the guys who purely come on the site to read the work make it what it is - a great place to be!! Long may it continue! 
 
Brook
Siesta time...
Written by woody44 (775 comments posted) 1st August 2006
Some nice little tongue-in-cheek points here Mrs B. I suppose activity will drop off in the summer months and I`m sure things will pick up again when the leaves begin to fall. Finally, are scansion and iambic pentameter some sort of skin disease? Probably brought on by the searing summer heat no doubt. If it gets really troublesome I can recommend a nice herbal remedy....  
 
happy writing 
woody

Written by anna_svit-kona (42 comments posted) 2nd August 2006
I think it was rather amusing BBS 
 
Keep Writing!~ 
Anna
Brilliant!
Written by mishmish (389 comments posted) 2nd August 2006
Hi BBS 
 
This is absolutely terrific, and it cheered me up after the sad stories on 'Short Stories' 
 
Really good word play 'originality coming in packs!!' - Love it!! 
 
I do agree though although there's been a little drop off, this is the best writing site I've seen on the web. I love the community spirit...and the quality of the works posted. Quite frankly it makes my day!!! 
 
I'll come off my soap box now... 
 
Wonderful writing...and at the right time! 
 
best wishes 
 
mishmish x
Cod from the Chip Shop...
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 2nd August 2006
Hello Mrs B. 
 
I must have missed this. 
 
They do say that self immolation is good for the soul, though I doubt this was what was meant. 
 
I must say you are spot on correct about the lack of anything remotely resembling originality. Some of the efforts hereabouts have all the allure of last week's cold potatoes. I can understand the upsurge in detritus on the Short Story Site as a product of the school/college holidays. Here seems rather more difficult to explain. Save to say that humour is an ephemeral thing and is everywhere in the hands of the few. The humourists I admire are genuine creators instantly recognisible for always producing something different. It's a dam hard trick to pull off and, as you indicate, it is precisely what is missing here. There is nothing more galling than stale or clapped out repetitative patter.  
 
Perhaps the quickest way to liven things up is to get hold of some poor bastard and give him/her the mother and father of a bollocking for damage to comedy. But on the other hand this is an amateur site and amateurs are notorious for having thin skinned egos. So perhaps not. Anyway as Anthony Burgess once remarked, 'When there are big fish to fry it is foolish to waste oil on a sprat'. 
 
Slan!
It's me as well
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3352 comments posted) 3rd August 2006
Thanks for all your comments,guys, but I just want to point out that the critiicism of the site was affectionate and and the joke was as much against myself-a point that only GC picked up on. I wouldn' have done it otherwise but I do appreciate your feedback 
cheers 
BBS
HI BBS
Written by jean.day (2279 comments posted) 3rd August 2006
I have to get in on this item too. I enjoyed reading it and have to admit that if anybody knows the state of the site it will be you. You are such a faithful reviewer. Thanks for all your time and comments.
Very Observant
Written by givitsum (651 comments posted) 4th August 2006
Greetings. Been on holiday again, so only just read your latest offering Betty.  
 
Well done, as others have said. I think this type of thing is your forte. Glad you enjoyed writing it as you obviously did. Compliments to you ma'am. 
 
Givitsum

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