A short, short I wrote some time ago.
The man drew the last dregs of ale from the pump, red-rimmed eyes scanning
the dirty glasses and overflowing ashtrays piled along the bar.
"Your mistress weren`t one for tidying up was she Blackie?" he spat, his gaze
settling on a mangy dog sprawled across the tap-room hearth the remnants of a half-
eaten meal scattered about its feet.
"Not bloody interested, that was her trouble!" The man sniffed loudly,stubby
fingers jabbing the grimy bar. "She never wanted us to have a pub, did you know that
Blackie? Alluz thought it beneath her, serving folk behind a bar."
The dog, wary eyes fixed on its master, tore at a piece of meat, its lips drawn
back tight against its foaming gums.
"Never stopped friggin` complainin," the man continued, gobs of glistening sweat
running down his unshaven cheeks. "Place is always empty, she used to say. Christ!
It were her that drove the buggers away, slouching about the place like a beached
bloody whale, stupid fat..."
He turned from the bar, hands clenched, white knuckles protruding through
calloused flesh. "Come on ya ugly bugger," he snapped, throwing open the tap-room
door. "Time fa` ya` evenin` walk."
The dog, an icy blast ruffling its matted coat, quickly grabbed the last of his food
and followed his master through the door. They were half-way across the rutted car
park when the dog began to choke, his mistress`s collar-bone firmly wedged in its
throat....
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Hello Woody Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 31st July 2006 |
Oh no, the posting phantom has struck again. The piece needs a tidy up as it's difficult to read. Collar Bones are quite big, so for credibility try a smaller bone, a Scaphoid would be a good one for a dog to choke on. I didn't know you were a Licensed Victualler. My condolences on your tragic loss, Brian
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Written by woody44 (777 comments posted) 31st July 2006 |
It`s probably one of those dog`s you could put a saddle on...point taken though. thanks for comments.
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very tasty... Written by Leo (573 comments posted) 31st July 2006 |
i think i'll go out and buy a dog today... you've given me an idea.... eery little tale, top stuff woody! Leo |
Written by Gill21 (566 comments posted) 31st July 2006 |
| Highly disturbing (!) but a good idea. It read well and the ending was most definately a surprise. |
Some dog some neck Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 31st July 2006 |
I was expecting something else with that title. Jesus, that must be one big dog. You conjured up at atmoshpere of Dickensian squalor in just a few paragraphs with some perfectly judged dialogue and an ending that makes you want to lock your dog in the garage. A real shock ending. Was it based on The Marketside in Sneinton? Great work and vivid dialogue cheers BBS |
And the lot fell upon Mathias.. Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 31st July 2006 |
Well done Woody. Of course I have to say that you will as like not be getting the Nobel Prize for this. Nor are you a literary genius probably responsible for the works of Shakespeare. But I always enjoy reading whatever you write at your best or most indifferent. And you can spell and seem to have a reasonable command of English prosestyle. On second thoughts, yes. Perhaps you are a genius. Best of luck in Edinburgh. Slan! |
Written by brook_rivers (486 comments posted) 31st July 2006 |
agree totally with Gill!!! But the end was a complete surprise which is a compliemtn to your writing! Brilliant keep up the good work best wishes Brook |
Helluva Twist... Written by mishmish (389 comments posted) 31st July 2006 |
...but from the moment he says: "Not bloody interested, that was her trouble!" I had the feeling that 'The Last Supper' was going to take on a different connation. Didn't see that the dog would be eating her, thought he might be serving her up in pies...with a nice glass of ale!Umm...too macabre!! Great story, wonderful wordsmithing, as always from you Woody. Well done... best wishes mishmish |
Too much to digest Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 1st August 2006 |
Hi, The very fact that the main character killed his wife just coz she was cribbing is kinda hard to digest. Maybe a more solid reason would have convinced me. Chow, TT |
Not so... Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 1st August 2006 |
In defence of Woody I rather suspect some of us lead very sheltered lives. I note from the Saffron Walden Reporter that a pensioner arrainged for battering his wife of forty three years within an inch of her life, gave the reason for his incitement as her habit of ' perpetually misplacing his slippers in the refridgerator '. Cold comfort to say truth is always stranger than fiction. Ciao! indeed. |
PM`d... Written by woody44 (777 comments posted) 1st August 2006 |
Many thanks. I have PM`d everyone who has commented so far. happy writing woody |
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