Another shorty...
Alice gazed at the child on the swing, its red plastic seat cutting a lazy arc
through the still evening air.
She couldn`t remember now how old she`d been that crisp,
sunny morning as she`d skipped happily towards the swings, her mother`s voice
urging her to wait....
As she watched the child she felt again the firm, reassuring hands, pushing
her..back and forth..higher and higher. She recalled the squeals of delight, cold air
rushing past her tingling cheeks...higher and still higher..
She moved closer to the swing, her head inclined, her black-rimmed eyes fixed
on the happy, shrieking child...Back and forth..higher and higher...
They`d said it was nobody`s fault. A weak link in one of the chains they`d said.
Could have happened at any time..to anyone...
She bit her lip, feeling the warm blood trickle down the patchwork of mottled pink
skin, her brain shutting out the limp, broken body, the shattered, useless legs...
She began to laugh, quiet, contained laughter, her lidless eyes still fixed on the
slow, rhythmic movement of the swinging child..
Somewhere high above, a skylark drifted on an unseen breeze, its song
momentarily drowned by a chilling scream as the swing, its highest point now
reached, begins its inexorable downward flight, and the waiting wheelchair now
standing directly in its path....
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Should've known! Written by Gill21 (566 comments posted) 1st August 2006 |
Had to read it twice as i got a bit confused with it going back and forth (probably my fault i'm terrible for skim reading) however i thought this was great. The first sentence pulled me straight in and maybe thats because of my love of swings (!) but i really wanted to know why Alice was gazing so wistfully at the child. The great imagery put me right in Alice's shoes. A sad and moving tale. You are very skilled at writing such precise and full 'shorty's'. From reading your other peices i should have known it wasn't going to end happily. Should have been prepared for what came! Gill |
Master of the Shorty Written by mishmish (389 comments posted) 1st August 2006 |
That's what you've become, Woody... I expected something sad, but the way you wove together the present and the past with such stunning imagery pulled me in and I wanted to read to find out the eventual denouement. Wonderful...your talent leaves me speechless...so i'll shut up! Best wishes mishmish x |
HI Woody Written by jean.day (2208 comments posted) 1st August 2006 |
It is well written, but I find it hard to read things that are so tragic. I am following another story on the site about a little girl in a wheelchair who likes to go on the swings. I hope she has a better outcome. |
Moving tale of misery Written by TwistedTales (502 comments posted) 2nd August 2006 |
Hi, Liked it. Only the formatting bothers me a little. Kind of makes it hard to follow. It was indeed very sad. Great descriptions. The mention of the wheelchair made me understand the gravity of her misery. Greeaatt Jobbb. TT. |
Small is beautiful... Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 2nd August 2006 |
Hi Woody, Another little bit of thoughtfulness. Rather more lyrical than I have come to expect. Nothing wrong with that. I do prefer a more extended read but in this format I have to say you probobly have it just about right. Well done! Thank you for the message. I promise I will reply when I have a moment. There is something of a log jam in my message box at present. But yes; I will try and find something to post when I can get these wretched editors off my back! Slan! |
To one and all... Written by woody44 (766 comments posted) 2nd August 2006 |
| thanks all again..Pm`d as usual. |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3174 comments posted) 2nd August 2006 |
I must admit to being a bit confused. Is the child going to hit Alice who is in the chair. or is it a flashback (it must be me; the synapses must be misfiring) As GC said it has a more lyrical feel to it but that just goes to show your diverstiy. How about something for the comedy forum next ,we could use it cheers BBS |
doh! Written by woody44 (766 comments posted) 2nd August 2006 |
| I`ve dropped you a PM Mrs B |
lyrical Written by Leo (573 comments posted) 2nd August 2006 |
thats exactly the right word for it... well done mrs B to meit also contained 2 or 3 levels of meaning. top drawer, as ever woody leo |
Hi Woody Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 2nd August 2006 |
It's all been said. For me the ending is figurative, and the story has only one character, the child and the victim being the same person. I'm glad that I'd not read this when I posted "After The fall", because if I had I'd have probably not posted. Thanks for your review, Brian. |
Brian and Leo.. Written by woody44 (766 comments posted) 2nd August 2006 |
| PM`d you both. |
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