Sometimes you bump into a person with a certain 'outlook', and it gets you thinking..
Sharon sat on the bus, and stared around at all the ugly people. She found herself faintly repulsed by the incredible number of people that she came across who didn’t seem to take any pride in their appearance. She of course did. Her immaculately sculpted hair yielded only to her beautiful blemish free face with all it’s delicately applied make up. Her outfit was in pristine condition, without a crease. She was slender and elegant. Sugary or sweet things never crossed her lips. They were the sort of things weak people ate to offset feelings of inadequacy. And she definitely didn’t feel inadequate. Her parents had always told her she was their special little girl, better than everybody else put together.
Just then she looked at the lady sitting across the way. What sort of dress was that? And you couldn’t clutch all those bags of bargain basement shopping produce with any dignity. But what struck Sharon most about the woman was the huge proboscis that the lady had for a nose. Out of all proportion to her face. There must be something that she can do about that, Sharon thought. Cosmetic surgery. Rhinoplasty. Surgeons could remove some of the excess bone in her face and reduce the amount of cartilage. For less than three thousand she could acquire something resembling a human nose. It was so easy. She had read about people having it done in all her celebrity magazines.
Tonight she had supposedly been meeting up with Cindy Merryweather. A girl she had gone to school with. She had recently fielded a number of e-mails from her after accidentally bumping into her in the precinct. We must catch up. Smiles and platitudes had been exchanged and then, reluctantly a date had been agreed. But she hadn’t wanted to go. The pub would be smoky, and that would be no good for her skin. Cindy wasn’t exactly what you’d call ‘glamorous’. Having two children had clearly taken its toll. She was tired looking, dowdy and lets face it; fat. She clearly hadn’t the discipline to resist temptation. Probably cleared all the left over food off of her children’s plates. It was a bad habit that a certain type of woman got into. She’d read about it in an article somewhere. And the clincher, as if there was a need for one, was the fact that the nail salon had a special offer on tonight. Half price gel nail extensions. Oh well, she would send an e-mail to Cindy on Monday morning, making some outrageous excuse for standing her up. That was if she could be bothered.
That reminded her, she must remember to set her alarm early for the following day, as she needed to get up and go to the gym before work. She needed to work on those abs and grab a sun bed. She hadn’t had one for a week and her tan was fading. People would notice and comment. She didn’t want to look like those poor people who couldn’t afford to holiday in the sun.
Just then she became aware of somebody staring at her. An elderly lady had just got onto the bus. She was clutching the back of the seat in front of her. Arthritis or some other such condition had twisted her neck and back into a grotesque corkscrew. Something that would probably tighten with the years until she was dead. She looked so ugly. Her skin was that horrible powdery grey colour. She was pale and ill looking. The gossamer thin dermis was creased like a screwed up piece of tissue paper. Sharon reminded herself to have an extra glass of water before bed, with a slice of lemon. She didn’t want to end up with skin like that. The lady stared at her. Pensioners were always doing that. Using their status as community elders to obtain seats on trains and jump places in queues. Well it wasn’t going to work with her. And besides, standing up increased the chance of varicose veins developing. This old hag probably had them in abundance already. Creeping down the back of her skinny little legs like dying tentacles reaching out for the sanctity of dead earth. Anyway there were only another few stops, and there was bound to be a martyr somewhere on the lower deck, willing to yield to the emotional blackmail. There always was.
In order to pass the time, Sharon took out her diary and scanned thorough the pages for next week. That was it- she knew there was something. She was booked up for teeth whitening. That would be great. It would really bring out the colour in her face.
After a while, she looked up. The old lady had gone, and her stop was coming up. She descended the step and moved back away from the bus as it pulled off. She didn’t want to get her clothes covered in diesel exhaust fumes. Do you know how much they cost? No, that just wouldn’t do. She looked across the road at the pink neon sign that announced to the world that this was ‘Nadia’s health and beauty centre’. Sharon was looking forward to having her nails done. It would make her feel even better about herself. As she crossed the road she made the final adjustments to her appearance. She didn’t want to arrive looking anything less than her best. Had she not been looking in her compact mirror as she crossed the road, she might have seen the motorcycle coming…
The local newspaper the following week carried the headline: ‘Local woman’s brush with death’. Underneath the headline it read; ‘ What started as a dream trip to the beauty salon for local girl Sharon Halliwell almost ended in death. She was cut down brutally as she crossed the road by a stolen motorcycle. The bike was driven by unemployed local man Derek Manning, who has been remanded in custody. The impact caused horrific injuries and massive blood loss. Had it not been for the selfless efforts of members of the public Sharon would not be alive today. Bystanders rushed to her aid and gave her the kiss of life on the roadside. She was then taken by air ambulance to the Royal Whitechapel hospital where she underwent extensive surgery. A spokesman for the hospital said ‘Miss Halliwell was very lucky indeed. Her life was saved by the skill and dedication of the medical team. Whilst it’s regrettable that she has lost her sight, she can, with love and support, expect to live a full and healthy life…
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Wonderful...
Written by mishmish (389 comments posted) 3rd August 2006 |
...irony!
You captured beautifully, Sharon's abhorrent, selfish character, obsessed with beauty and glamour.
The ending was well served, not death, just a life where survival was the order of the day.
With all her looks gone, and her capability to look (I like that twist!!!) she really had to live a full life, and not be a 'Posh' wannabe!
As always Leo, you've crafted something of sheer delight!
Well done...
best wishes
mishmish x
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well crafted
Written by woody44 (774 comments posted) 3rd August 2006 |
Right from the first sentence you knew you weren`t going to like this girl, and as the story progressed you were hoping something `unfortunate`.would befall her. When it did the story left the reader to make his/her mind up if it would change her as a person...Very well crafted Leo and a classic example of `show don`t tell`.
happy writing
woody |
Great work
Written by Clifftown (619 comments posted) 3rd August 2006 |
| Great piece of writing. The first paragraph summed up everything about Sharon's character and compelled me to read on. Fantastic twist at the end as well, it would have been all too easy to just kill her off! |
haha
Written by Gill21 (566 comments posted) 3rd August 2006 |
is all i have to say (is that nasty?). Of course i don't mean that it's only fiction, but from a metaphorical standpoint 'Sharon' was and needed to be brought down a peg or two and back into the real world. Just like your last story, we all know a 'Sharon'.
I didn't dislike her at all actually. There are plenty perfectly nice women out there who live their life on the basis that if you are not beautiful then it's just not worth it. It doesn't make them bad people. I knew someone like that at Uni and the reason why she was this way was because her home life was in such disarray, she felt her appearance was the only thing she could control. She was a little annoying, but i didn't dislike her in any way.
I well written, very enjoyable story with a perfect twist (i did expect her to be killed off). A message that shows what's on the outside really doesn't always count!
Well done.  |
moral ending?
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3331 comments posted) 3rd August 2006 |
I read this with mixed emotions, as a woman I find girls like Sharon intensely irritating and you did paint a really vivid picture of her but when it came I felt very sorry for her.. The mean venal attitude is all in her head it's not like anyone really suffers from her attitude. I did enjoy reading it, as I always do with your work, but I'm not sure what moral I should draw from it beyond the one that always pops up in soaps that the punishment should always exeed the crime. I'd have been happy with her going face down in some dog poo.
But as ever a deftly written piece of work
cheers
BBS |
Hi Leo
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 3rd August 2006 |
I all been said except "‘Miss Halliwell " have you any plans for the other four?
Brian |
Hi
Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 3rd August 2006 |
A punishment little tooo hard for me i guess. As BBS said u cld have gone a little easy on her. I didn't realise she would suffer this much at the end of the story. But was a good read.
Regards,
TT |
thanks folks..
Written by Leo (573 comments posted) 3rd August 2006 |
was i too harsh??? maybe? maybe not... my philosophy has always been to use a sledgehammer to crack a walnut.. you can never eat the f**king nuts, but what fun!
Thankyou once again for your kind feedback, best regards to all. |
Insufficient
Written by givitsum (651 comments posted) 10th August 2006 |
Hi mate.
I'd have preferred it if she'd died, then got anally abused by the morgue attendants. Just a thought.
All the best
Givitsum |
Brilliant!
Written by milo_pie2002 (7 comments posted) 12th August 2006 |
| HA! I loved it! Excellently executed. I could really see the character of Sharon--one of those women you love to hate. And I especially liked the ending; I love it when people get there come-up-pence. Well done! |
Written by Phil (6683 comments posted) 25th October 2006 |
Just found this on that blue thingy at the sid eof the main screen. Enjoyed it.
A balanced 'punishment' I thought - for fiction. I wouldn't wish it on her in real life. You could have gone the whole hog and had Givitsum's ending after all.
You really built the character up very well.
Not seen you around the forums for a while. Hope all is well.
All the best,
Phil. |
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