Great Writing - Home > Village > The plot thickens ............
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1698 guests online and 5 members online
Space for Sale
The plot thickens ............
By Bagheera
03 August 2006
Coscience forces me to take time out and elaborate on a scene I set up a while back ...... are you sitting comfortably? Maybe, but not for long!

"Le Sergéant Bagheera?"

"Oui, d'accord."

Fine beads of sweat appeared without warning on Bartolini's brow.
Desperately he glanced through the window fronting the lavishly
(and expensively) refurbished shop. It seemed that the village had
adopted the Gallic tradition of an afternoon siesta: not so much as a
sparrow disturbed the tranquil scene on the village square.

He appeared to make a decision: crossing the floor swiftly, he lowered
the blinds and locked the door, remembering to turn the sign so that
it now read "Fermé" to any passerby or casual customer.

From force of habit, and to give his nervous fingers something to do,
he began a slow, thorough grooming of his so-far-unidentified
customer's hair. Though long and thick, he could see that it had been
well cared for, clean and grease-free.

"Right, mate: there's nobody within earshot, so it's mitts off,
an' we can stop poncin' abaht wiv diss Froggie non-suns!"

Any villagers catching a glimpse of Bartolini in this shocking
retrogression to his Bert persona would have recognised the face
they had known for so many years, but definitely not the accent.
Pure Cockney, and definitely not someone to trust very far ....

He leaned closer to his customer, making sure he put just a
fraction too much pressure on his unguarded throat with the back of
his steel comb ....

"Never try anything like that again: not with me, anyway!"

Without quite knowing how or why (or indeed when, or any one of
a number of pertinent questions), Bert found himself in the chair.
Instantly he realised that there was a period he couldn't account for
and no memory of how he had finished up exchanging places with his
visitor.

Millimetres from his face, two eyes surrounded by an impenetrable
mass of curls glared at him from behind a row of steel teeth: he
realised that he was now being threatened (promised?) with precisely
the same treatment he had scant seconds before intended to mete out.

Bert tried to move, and discovered that his arms and hands were
trapped  under the nylon cape normally draped over a customer's
clothe. On this occasion, hopwever, he had been as neatly trussed
as an oven-ready Christmas turkey.

He glared at his opponent, helpless but far from tonguetied.

"You'd better have a damn' good explanation!" he growled.

"You're not exactly in a position to demand anything, are you?
Oh, and by the way, it's pointless trying to wriggle out of that
Small Package: it will only get tighter the more you struggle!"

For a second a suspicion of a smile crossed the assailant's face.
He straightened himself, took a step backwards and assumed a false
French accent as he said:

"Listen very carefulleeeeeeeee ...... I vill say ziss onleeee vonce."

Switching again to a deadly serious tone of voice, he continued:

"This is the message you will deliver to your tame pussycat Sergéant,
and you will make sure he understands that it comes from Le Chien ..."

Reviews
well worth the wait!!!
Written by brook_rivers (484 comments posted) 16th August 2006
well you had me waiting a long time for this bags but it was worth it! Very different to anything else we have seen in the village. You had me enthralled from start to end. A humorous piece aswell as mysterious and sinister!  
 
Loved the first line and  
 
'making sure he put just a  
fraction too much pressure on his unguarded throat with the back of 
his steel comb .... ' 
 
the french accent was classic comedy too!!! You have left it on a cliff hanger! Can't wait to find out who the 'dog' is ! 
 
great writing 
 
brook  
 
:) :)

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item