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Shorts
Sun Black and the 7 aliens
By Free_Spirit
06 August 2006
I wrote this when I was 13  what do you think?? In a different version of Snow White & the & dwarves( as you've probably guessed)

htis should be in Childrens stories but they dont seem to get manu hits or reviews

Sun Black's evil stepfather had often threatened to banish her away to a distant galaxy and finally, in a rage, he had done it. As sun woke she gazed dazedly at her bizarre surroundings; the sandy floor beneath her was hot and red. Out of a tunnel right beside her came seven curious looking creatures. Before she had time to be afraid the fattest of the group smiled and said,
"Hello and welcome, I am Zoc and these are my fellows." He gestures towards the six other three-eyed potbellied beings.
"Why are you here?" growled and alien towards the back of the group.
"Well it’s a long story," Sun sighed “in short my stepfather wants me dead and has sent me away to this planet!"
" Oh dear, well you won't find that kind of thing here, come into house and make yourself at home."

Sun stayed with the aliens and kept their house tidy and cooked meals for them when they come home from a hard day’s work of Star maintenance.

Back at the palace Sun's stepfather was feeling pleased with himself. He had done away with his meddling stepdaughter and had just brought himself a grotesque lime green garment - which he adored - to celebrate. But as he chuckled to himself a messenger rushed in and said rather too fast that Sun Black was alive and well living happily with seven aliens.

In a rage he got up and; because he was an evil sorcerer too, turned himself into a young alien and rushed to the planet Sun Black was on. He arrived, took a few deep breaths, strode up to the house and knocked forcefully on the door.

“Hello, who are you? I haven’t seen you before” said Sun, as she answered the door. “I am the prince’s assistant,” lied the disguised stepfather. “I am here to invite you to the Grand Ball in two weeks. The prince says he would like it if you could come.” Sun was unsure about this, but said she would go if it was possible.

When the aliens came home, Sun asked “Please can I go to the Ball in two weeks, at the prince’s palace?” “Of course! But be careful” agreed Blusher.

The stepfather made sure that the Ball would be happening, and left, to return in two weeks. The two weeks dragged by, and on the day Sun was ready far before they were due to teleport up to the palace. Her evil stepfather arrived just as she had. “Now for the master plan” he whispered to himself as he strode through the great oak doors of the palace. He smiled as he saw Sun and beckoned her over. He brought out of his voluminous cloak a fuchsia-pink hat with long spiky antennae. “Here” he said slyly, “this hat will go well with your lovely dress”. “Thank you very much” Sun said suspiciously. “Let me help you get it on” offered the nasty stepfather. As the hat touched her head, the stepfather changed back to his real form, and rammed the hat onto Sun’s ebony locks. The antennae went into her head, and killed her. The prince, who had witnessed the whole thing, rushed forward and, dazzled by her stunning looks, kissed Sun on the lips. The stepfather had disappeared. Sun raised her head and smiled.

At the wedding, the aliens were page boys, and the king and queen were both there. They flew off to Neptune in their spaceship, with ‘Just Married’ painted on the back, the stars shining all around them.  



Reviews

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 6th August 2006
If you want to put people off reading then telling them you were 13 when you wrote it is a pretty good plan. 
You've put just about everything in there bar the proverbial kitchen sink and actually it's not bad for 13. 
cheers 
Mrs B

Written by Gill21 (566 comments posted) 9th August 2006
An entertaining little story. I do not know how old you are now, but maybe you could have polished it up before you posted it? Take out the main concept and write it again as you would now as there is definately something to develop here. Perhaps as a comedy piece? 
There are things about it that make it a little akward to read, for example at one point you got your tenses mixed up (as you do at 13). 
 
Happy writing :)

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