I was really sad this morning. Well I am sad most of the mornings these days. I wake up with puddles of salty liquid staining my cheeks. Two days back when I was out to get milk, I kept thinking about her and it became so unbearable I screamed in the shop itself, "What the F**k you think you are doing b***h? Do you think this is funny? Do you think I am that bloody dumb? The shopkeeper just stared at me. When I got a grip of myself, I apologized and came home, without buying the packet of milk that I had gone for. I went without coffee the entire day.

Yesterday we had all gone clubbing. I tried to divert myself by looking at other girls. But you know how difficult that is. Invariably I kept stealing glances at her. She was talking to this other guy. I swear I could have torn his heart out with my bare hands, but alcohol made it all a little easier to take the blows. It made me feel that I almost don't care. I started dancing with other girls in the group. After a while she joined the dance floor. Man! She is some mover. I am telling you, the moment she comes in front of me, I become like this ever-faithful dog. "No matter how much my master tortures me, I will be loyal to her all my life", like Sacher Masoch's "Venus In Furs." Tch-tch, what crap. No bloody self-respect. Rubbed against her skin a lot while I was dancing. It felt goooooood. She was sweating after all that dancing, but I swear only a Goddess can still look as beautiful as she did. Suddenly she kept her arms on my shoulder. I was thinking, "alright"! Just as I thought that she really had feelings for me, that's when the other jerk guy joined us and she diverted her attention towards him. I went like "damn", I was so close.

Then we went back to our tables to have some food and somehow she ended up sitting next to that other guy. But as I said it wasn't all that bad because as they say, a drunken human being can take anything. But to tell you the truth, it was still a little difficult for me. She kept pulling his ears to tell him something. The stupid loud music. She had to go like really close to make herself audible. Why couldn't she tell me something? I don't know what the hell were they talking about. I ordered another beer. Look at the nerve of this guy. He actually calls me and tells me that he is drunk and wants to puke. I, yes, I, had to take him to the loo and help him. I wanted to choke him to death and just flush him out of my freaking life. He was on a trip of his own, and when asked why, he tells the girl I like, that he is drinking because he is depressed. Jesus. What a friggin lie? "You dirty little scumbag."  She went all over him. "God can you just gouge my eyes out first and wring my heart of all the stupid feelings?" No but he won't. God is good. My-you know what-he is good.

I got up with a purpose after my fourth beer and started to dance like mad. I completely focused myself on the other girls. "Can she just please leave me alone and just disappear with that guy? At least that way she won't be in front of me. But NO, she won't. She has to crap my brain."  She comes from behind and starts dancing again. Damn, she is so beautiful. WHY?

A friend of mine, who was standing behind my gal asked me something and I leaned over to answer her and WOW, my hands brushed her heavenly twosome. (I could almost smell her soul). She does not budge ladies and gentlemen. If she is so damn bloody not into me, then why the hell stand this close? And that nonsense about being scared of people and crap. Yeah right, my-you know what. I try to put her out my dimwit mind, but no sir, she apparently has a penthouse in there. Anyway, the party almost nears its end and she decides to leave. She comes over and gives me the warmest hug. "God, can't I just stay in this position for ever?" "No son, don't push your luck comes the reply." She moves towards the other guy. That bloody twerp is so high on grass and alcohol that he hugs her and doesn't let go for almost a whole damn minute. She still doesn't move or does anything to free herself. You know what happens when you have to pee really bad and exactly then, someone kicks you in your nuts? I had the same damn feeling. And then she left. I tried not to look at her leave and forced myself to ogle at others there. However, my heart had already slipped out of me, went after her, tucked her into bed and kissed her goodnight and my body here was busy matching steps with the others in the group. Some really crappy lounge music was on. Ok, you have to listen to this one. It's about this last nail in my coffin.

People start leaving one by one. I start to make a move too. Now what happens, this other guy, who I could have stabbed with a butchers knife a zillion times, comes up to me and says I have to drop him home. I was like WHAT? Didn't say it out loud, but my mind was spanking me from inside. Comes and tells me, that he is really drunk and can't drive for nuts now. First he gets all over the girl I like, then I take him to the loo for him to puke, then he smells like a drunk pig and on top of that it starts raining and the best part, it is 3 frigging clock in the morning and I have to drop this gentleman home. GREAT. Anyway I drop him and throughout the ride, my mind kept throwing profanities at me that I didn't know even existed. By the way, it seems he has already told my girl that I was going to drop him. And let alone call me, she doesn't even message me to ask whether I reached home safely. Instead, she calls that bugger asking if he is safe, and that too when I am right there with him. "I am sure you are loving this DOG, I mean GOD."  I come home, deprived of the love I deserve, deprived of the food I deserve and on top of that, shivering like a dog left out in a rainstorm. AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH.

"That girl is going to make him take drastic measures someday Mrs. Livingston. He is getting more and more wild and out of control everyday," said the doctor with genuine concern on her face.

"Sob, sob."

"No, no, please don't cry. Get a hold over yourself. But I am telling you this, that girl will rot in hell."