The World Tiddlywink Cup, being staged inside the palatial surroundings of the tap-room of the Cock and Pullet Hackney, has now reached the quarter final stages with England, after two indifferent games, about to face Potugal.
    On the injury front Wayne Looney has still not recovered from the nasty gash sustained when an over-zealous Ecuadorian player came down far too hard with his squidger and his wink caught Wayne a nasty glancing blow on his left eye. The team manager, Sven Moron Onmyedson, says Wayne has only a fifty-fifty chance of being able to play if England are lucky enough to reach the semi-final stages. Elsewhere there is concern over the commitment of Peter Crotch. He has been seen in numerous East End pubs using his much-needed tiddling arm both at the bar and, according to reliable witnesses, several times in the Gents.  "Without Peter on top form it is going to be very difficult to stop blue squopping green, but more crucially if we can`t stop red squopping yellow we are going to be under serious pressure," said Sven at last nights Press conference. "But we`ll give it our best shot." England incidentally will be using their now familiar red and white winks for this important game.
      Of the other teams left in the competition Brazil are now the clear favourites. With only ten seconds of their game remaining against the much-fancied Argentinians, Ronnie Ronaldo scored an electrifying pot when fully two feet from the cup. This proved to be a bad tempered game with three of the Argie players being sent off for persistent use of the index finger whilst trying to propel the wink towards the pot. The game ended `Brazil 10 winks - Argentina 4.
     And it has just been announced that Jonathan Ross is to succeed Sven as the new England manager. As we all know Jonathan is an all-round winker so we wish him and the team all the best...