Hope this cheers you up. It's a DRAFT for a script; not a script as such.[ The script is created from this, usually collectively]. It comes from a current project, 'The Secret History of the British Crown ' for E4. It won't appear in this format so is commercially redundant. Sadly its all I've got to spare. I did enjoy writing it. I have removed most of the staging and all camera instructions to make it easier to read. It is, of course, not meant primarily for prose reading and therefore may run rather ragged to the eye. My apologies for that.
For information the events are those of the deep public disgust at the homosexual affair [ illegal at the time] flaunted by Noel ' Buffy ' Coward and the reviled rake and drug addict, George, Duke of Kent during and after the horror of the First World War. In 1921 Marie Lloyd, The Queen of the Music Hall, stepped on stage and savagely lampooned them both. She was arrested and Hoxton Palace of Varieties temporarily closed. No record of the performance exists; save in the recalled doggerel of the time. I have reconstructed the incident from this. For the purists; for legal reasons unconnected to the above, Lloyd appeared at Hoxton[ her birthplace ] performing under a version of her real name, Victoria Wood.
[Spot on hold. Leonard Sachs. Full Evening Dress. Gesticulating].
Voice of Intro. And now........
[Two beats]. That sooty little sauce bottle yous all of you longing for a lovely lick of......
Audience Oooooooooh!
[Two beats].
Voice of Intro. That lady what does... What your Ol' Duch don't!.......'Cause she don't know how!
[Two beats].
Audience Oooooooooh! She does . But she don't . 'Cause she won't!
Voice of Intro. UP WI' FROCKS!!! AN' 'ANDS ON COCKS!!!!!
Audience Reportin' f' duty!!
Voice of Intro. Your very own!!
Audience. We lives in 'ope!!
Voice of Intro. Yes! Your very own!!
[Long held Major Chord. And BAND 3 beats. Curtain up/aside. Full Follow Spot. Marie Lloyd onstage struts on Spot to thunderous ovation]. Marie Lloyd. ' Can't get away t' marry you today.....'
Audience [Ensemble ] ' MY WIFE WON'T LET ME '!!!
Voice of Intro.
[Over audience mayhem].....MISS MARIE LLOYD!!!!
[ Applause continues. Spot on figure Marie Lloyd with customary parasol closed depressed to floor. Fruit flowered fish plate hat and three layered skirt and silver shoes. Struts left to right holding and sweeping the folds of her skirt].Marie Lloyd. Ooooooh
[ Tosses skirt backwards] Boooooooumps a daisy. Frisky one's t' th' front, if ya please. So's I can see them randy runts what's peelin oranges in their pockets. 'Ere soldier. I see you brought yer musket. Ready t' fire is it?
Voice 1. Cocked an' loaded lookin' at you gel. Stiff as a sentry on duty!
Marie Lloyd. I loves a feller what's forward.
Voice 1. Always lead from th' front. King's Regulations.
Voice 2 Queen's regulations 'is different. Right up th' back.
Marie Lloyd. An' 'ere's me thinkin' you was so 'ansome you must be a Bushy Tail Boy.
Voice 2. Leave it out, Marie. This is Hoxton. We all shoot straight round 'ere.
Marie Lloyd. Now.
[ To audience.] You all gettin' enough?
Audience. Not so's we couldn't use a bit more.
Voice 3. Show us yer kipper ,gel.
Marie Lloyd. My Lawd! I've forgot where it is! It's true. Last time I 'ad some Jack wif 'is fishin' tackle down there 'e sez ' Blimey! It's turned into a sprat! ' Least that's what I fink 'e sez. I sez, ' A sprat!? That why you fryin' it on a teaspoon!?'.
[ Cat calls and whistling ]. I'm terrible, I am. Mind, it's true. There's no proper men left. What wif this war an' th' fashion f' bendin' over th' fence.
Audience. Oooooooh!
Marie Lloyd. It's true. My Mister Jasper 'e sez 'e can't keep up wif me. I sez if 'e kept it up a bit longer I might notice!! Oooooooh! Bumps a daisy!!
[ Tosses skirts backwards. Then pulls skirt hem up to calf. Teasing ]. You like what you see? Stick around you might see a bit more.
Voice 4 A bit more o' what?
Marie Lloyd. A bit o' what yer fancy. Does yer good! 'Ere, 'ave you 'erd? Ooooooh! [
Huge roll of drums ]. Well if you 'aven't now's yer chance now.
[Bends to footlights in feigned whisper ]
Georgie Porgie puddin' an' pie
Don't like girls. But on th' sly
Georgie Porgie likes t' play
Wif little boys what's young an' gay..........
[ Enormous eruption of hooting and jeering ].
Voice 5. Dirty bleedin' loofa brush!
Marie Lloyd. 'Ere, I'll tell yer.
A
udience. [Clapping and cheering ] 'Ere we 'erd!......Naughty gel Marie!
[Band long major chord then Marie Lloyd in her famous raucous rasping voice ]
It's so bonne mode t' be an Arse 'Ole Gent,
Since Buffy's 'ad a bugger wif th' Duke of Kent!
[ Total uproar. Continuous applause. Torrent of ribald abuse against ' Bumboys']
Marie Lloyd. 'Ere. You 'ave 'erd 'aven't ya. It's true. My Mister Jasper, sez 'is Ol' Duch, that's th' duckie what 'e's wedded to; well, some o' th' time.
[ Big jeer ] 'E sez she was fick wif one o' th' flunkies what does in th' bedchambers over th' Cocksucker's Castle. 'E sez she sez 'e sez 'e walks in one mornin' an' there's two filfy loofas workin' down th' man'ole. An' guess who it was? Go on. 'Ave a guess! ......It's true. As God is me witness.....'Ere. You knows don'y you
.....[Huge roll of drums as Lloyd gives exaggerated wink to audience ] You knows
......[ Lloyd to centre stage strutting left to right and opens parasol to cries of: ]
Audience. You got it up now, Marie!
[
And Band 4 beats ]
Marie Lloyd. So I 'ave. So now I'll tell yer
.....[Band keeps rhythm through brass. Lloyd now moving in alternating circles right to left centre stage in her celebrated recitative style singing over the beat. Audience eggs her on mercilessly].
Riding in my Landau, one morning in the Strand,
I spys Burlington Bertie wif 'is Topper in 'is 'and.
I 'ollers ' What Ho! Bertiekins! Dressed? Out? An' before dark?
'E sez, I 'ave an hassignation wif a yoof in Belsize Park!
Audience. Oooooooh!
Marie Lloyd. For I've given over ladies. Since the fashion, don'tchya ken,
Is for ripplin' strappy chappies wif a belltower like Big Ben.
You simply drops 'em 'arf a crown an' shouts 'God Save Prince
George! '
Then dam blighter rams 'is ring- a- ding right up yer Cheddar Gorge!
Audience [ Shouting and huge cheering and laughing applaue ] Gawd save 'is Majesty th' Queen!
Marie Lloyd. All together now!
[Ensemble]
It's so bonne mode t' be an Arse 'Ole Gent,
Since Buffy's 'ad a bugger wif th' Duke of Kent!
Marie Lloyd. Oooooooh Bumps a daisy!
[ Tosses skirt backwards ] I'm terrible, I am. 'Ere. My Mister Jasper 'e finks I'm a proper lady. It's true , so 'e does.
[ Cheer ] What you larfin' at. I am a proper lady. That's why I mixes in th' very 'ighest circles
[ Wink, curtsy and coy pose ]
Audience. An' what would them be?
Marie Lloyd. Listen out now an' I'll tell yer.
I meets wif dear Queen Mary, for tea upon th' lawn.
She sez it really breaks my 'eart t' see 'ow Georgie's gawn
An' took up wif an' hactor of dubious repute
What likes t' use a man's backstairs as 'is dirty laundry chute!
I tells 'er sobbin' Majesty, leave that 'ankerchief alone.
Soon Georgie Porgie may be crowned an sit upon 'is frone.
An' wif darlin' Buffy as 'is Consort, take th' Coronation Oath :
Fuck th' King! God Save Our Queens, Noel an' Georgie both!
Ohooooooooh!!
[ And Audience Ensemble. Fast]
.
It's so bonne mode t' be an Arse 'Ole Gent,
Since Buffy's 'ad a bugger wif th' Duke of Kent!
[Banging of feet and seats, wolf whistles and shrieks of laughter. Lloyd trademark twirl of the parasol with pouted lips running fingers up handle ]
Voice 6. Longer th' better I sez. It's never long enough f' me, duckie.
[Lloyd to centre stage and: ]
Now every cheeky chappie what dreams of cheeky cheeks,
An' loves what cheeky chappies keep in a cheeky chappy's breeks,
Is leggin' it down London Town rootin' f' rough trade,
Sniffin' out th' Bugle Boys on Buckingham Parade.
So arrivin' at The Palace th' Nabob of Titiphoo,
Politely asked 'is servin' man f' a shit, shave an' shampoo.
He sez I've 'erd The Palace is the place where nobs may find,
'Ow t' do th Indian Rope Trick, straight up from th' behind.
His butler sez 'Your Nabobship, The Palace is the place!
Here you'll discover everythin' is to your filthy foreign taste.
The British harrystocracy is most particular for arse,
An' most particular for servin' men, 'cause cock don't 'ave no class!
[ Chorus ensemble ] Oooooooh!
It's so bonne mode t' be an Arse 'Ole Gent,
Since Buffy's 'ad a bugger wif th' Duke of Kent!
Marie Loyd [ Now continuous ]
My Ol' Man, Th' Pearly King, 'e come back t' me last night.
An' sez t' me, 'is Pearly Queen. ' My Spoon, we just ain't right.
I'm up th' Palace Arms just now, that's where I'm 'earin 'ow
Th' ploughboy 'e don't walk in front; 'e works behind th' plough!
So let us settle matters an' do all fings tickety boo.
Just like them toffs up th' West End, Noel an' Georgie do.
Cross yer legs an' give an' 'oliday t' yer well clapped out ol' nipper,
I'm off out f' a seein' to from a six foot Chinese Dipper!'
Ooooooooooooh!
[ Ensemble ]
It's so bonne mode t' b' an Arse 'Ole Gent'
Since Buffy's 'ad a bugger wif th' Duke of Kent
[ Audience registering strong vocal approval. Lloyd now begins to mimick the effete Coward in his own words. Feigns cigarette holder and sweeps back quiff of hair 'a la Noel '. Audience howls abuse. Fey pose hand to forehead in distress]
I've had a brief encounter with a creature so divine;
As to make mine eyes water when 'e stacks 'is up mine.
This angel's name is Georgie. He is of royal blood,
When I slip him my jousting stick I am aiming to make
good.
A dalliance! A dalliance! I crave a dalliance, dear child!
The sight of youthful buttocks drives your darling Buffy wild!
Sweet George, of easy virtue, blithe spirit of my heart.
Pray let me stuff that vortex where mere motals only fart!
Voice 7. Gawd's bollocks, Marie you'll want lockin' up!
Marie Lloyd. Me an' you both, soldier. An' they will...
[Drowned out to:]
Audience. [ Ensemble ] Oooooooooh!
It's so bonne mode t' be an Arse 'Ole Gent,
Since Buffy's 'ad a bugger wif th' Duke of Kent!
[ And CUT TO LIGHTS DIM AND MUSIC STOPS. SILENCE. And Marie Lloyd on spot. Recites slowly] 'Ere comes poor Tommy Atkins, returnin' 'ome from war.
'E sez servin' King an' Country is such a frightful bore!
Next time they wants a fightin' man, they'll get no volunteers,
No point dyin' in a far off land t' save a brace o' queers.
[ Then with vigour ]
So sod th' British Empire! An' sod th' British Crown!
Yeah! An' sod th' Rulin' Classes what always lets us down!
An' God forbid we're ever ruled b' a poncey King what's bent!
So most of all sod that sodin' queen;
Th' Sodin' Duke of Kent!!
[ Tidal wave of cheering. And Marie Lloyd and ensemble]
All together now!!!
It's so bonne mode t' be an Arse 'Ole Gent,
Since Buffy's 'ad a bugger wif th' Duke of Kent!!!
[CUT. TOTAL DARKNESS AND SILENCE. 5 BEATS AND FOOTLIGHTS TO DIM]
Voice Offstage. Constable for you Miss Lloyd.
Marie Lloyd [ From darkness] Ooooh! I loves a man in uniform!
[ Footsteps on board and murmering. Exeunt to lone piano. 'The Boy I l Love is Up in the Gallery '.
[Black backscreen and running on two beats, white font].
POSTSCRIPT [Optional]
George, Duke of Kent, died in a plane crash. It was rumoured he was, as usual, at the controls high on cocaine. Others were also killed. The circumstances of the crash were never officially investigated.
Noel Coward did not received the Knighthood he so longed for whilest Queen Mary was alive. She saw to that. Nor did he ever attain the popularity he thought he deserved amongst the population at large. Eventually he fell out of favour with theatre goers, but was knighted whilest living abroad and shortly before his death.There were strong public objections to honouring him.
Marie Lloyd [ Matilda Victoria Wood ] was cautioned but never charged. She died onstage not long afterwards in 1922. With the onset of pictures Music Hall effectively died with her.
The Hoxton Palace of Varieties closed to become a cinema. It was damaged by bombing and demolished. It is now a car park.
|
Giving us a turn
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (5077 comments posted) 10th August 2006 |
Hi, gerard well I’ve been pestering for an offering so it would only be courteous to give a proper response. The fact that it is based on real people and facts gave it a real resonance for me. I like things like that, especially as the characters involved are so iconic. It gave the piece a real edge . I’m sure those halls were bawdy but I’m not sure they’d have got a away with “cocks” but, hey, it’s the comedy that counts. If that works nothing else matters. And for me it works and then some. I know your work is designed to be performed so you need a bit of imagination. I could just see the scene with Marie strutting about the stage, you conjured that up vividly. And all the truly terrible innuendo that was the stuff of music hall was pitch perfect
But of course the piece de resistance was the song; in the music hall style but scabrous and scandalously over the top. If Marie had sung that one they would have done her for treason and thrown away the key and she would have had dear old Noel hyperventilating into his scented handkerchief. Although lewd and vulgar it was also subtle and satirical and I’m guessing took a lot of careful crafting. I hope you’re not going to tell me you knocked it off in two minutes or I may have to put a contract out on you that would be too much to take.
A long wait but worth it
Mrs B
|
Take a Bow...
Written by mishmish (389 comments posted) 10th August 2006 |
...for that was absolutely brilliant!
My grandmother was in vaudeville and although her activities (I don't think!) were as bawdy and lewd as this, she did tell me before she died, it did get extremely raucous...! So I wouldn't be surprised...
I thoroughly enjoyed this, and I sang it out loud (at home...not the office!) as it was really the only way to appreciate the true genius of this piece.
The construction of the piece was perfect, and as BBS has already said, the song was the piece de resistance...truly fantastic. I had to read a few times, and really get into the Pygmalion accent...But I loved it!!!
Thanks for this...
With best wishes
mishmish x |
Written by MikeMorris (106 comments posted) 10th August 2006 |
For me, as for BBS, the song is the highlight. And what a song! Even without any stage directions you can hear the pauses and see Marie's face expressing both the mock shock and the knowing leers.
Would love to see it on stage.
Would have loved the great Georgia Brown to have performed it.
Ah well, maybe in Heaven...or the other place!
Mike |
Coincidence
Written by givitsum ( comments posted) 10th August 2006 |
I just noticed Paul Walker logged on just as you left. Anything to be read from that? (Only joking...)
Fabulous stuff this. Others before me talked of reading it more than once. I did too, in order to see everything it had to offer. I've no idea who this woman is, but honestly it makes not a blind bit of difference.
Please accept my compliments. Top notch.
Givitsum |
Yes !
Written by patterjack (1927 comments posted) 10th August 2006 |
As one whose acquaintance with English music hall has been confined to snippets from TV documentaries , I appreciated this .
When I was small my maternal grandfather took me to every travelling tent show that ever came to my home town -- and despite my grandmother's admonitions , we always sat in the front section , so that *You can see the legs better * The content however was pretty tame (or over my child's head )
We in Australia did not have , in my time or at least to my limited historical knowledge , that strong British tradition . We did have some fairly vulgar proponents of comedy at the city variety theatres like the Tivoli ( both Melbourne and Sydney ) but to my eternal regret , they were beyond my capability to visit .
This was a fine breath of foul air .
patterjack |
Thank you , Mrs B.
Written by gerardconnolly (1354 comments posted) 10th August 2006 |
Thanks Mrs B.
I am glad you liked it. It was written, since you ask, about four months ago, and no, I did not knock it up in a few minutes. It formed one of six drafts for the series which were conceived to a given brief and written over two months or so.
I posted it to give an idea what a jobbing writer does all day. For example I am living with Oliver Cromwell at present! Researching as much as writing. Also to try to offer something different to read on the Comedy Site. The whole series which is to commence filming sometime after Christmas of this year, takes place on stage.That is to say scenes from the less well publicised [ or rather better hidden, depending on your point of view ] history of the British Monarchy are acted out in the Music Hall stage. They plan to use Hackney Empire for the shoot.
Again many thanks for so detailed a response. I appreciate it. I will reply to your Message as soon as I have a moment.
Slan!
|
Regards...
Written by gerardconnolly (1354 comments posted) 10th August 2006 |
Thank you Mishmish.
I am pleased you found it to your liking. Whilest writing my part for the series, I got to talk to a number of people who themselves remembered British vaudeville. I got a lot of help through the assistance of associates of the comedian Roy Hudd. It seems what he doesn't know about Music Hall theatre is not worth knowing. One of them, Martha Goldfarb, had lived in Hoxton all her life and her father, Nathan, was actually in the audience on the night of Lloyd's fated performance. It was her supplied the tenor of Lloyd's ditty. No nightingale, Marie Lloyd.
Also thank you for your message. I will get round to discussing it in more detail as soon as I can.
Slan! |
And again....
Written by gerardconnolly (1354 comments posted) 10th August 2006 |
Thanks Mike.
I too recall Georgia Brown. Superb in Oliver. Though here Marie Lloyd is Kathy Burke.
I kept in a good deal of the then current cockney slang
[ shit, shave n' shampoo- sexual excess; Chinese Dipper- homosexual , etc ] I hope others were able to understand the patois. Even lads from Ardwick!
Thanks for the Message. I will reply.
Slan! |
Antipodean approval..
Written by gerardconnolly (1354 comments posted) 11th August 2006 |
Hello, Patterjack.
Nice to meet with you. I often see you of a UK morning pattering around on your jack. You seem to be keeping the village going at the moment. I wiil get over there and support you if ever I have time.
I am happy you enjoyed the piece. I did think about the large number of non UK members when I was considering posting it. You finding it to your taste is a good sign and vindicates my thought that an intellegent readership will make up it's own mind about something offered in good faith. Also, like the Irish. I feel Australians too have a healthy disrespect for the pretentions of the British Monarchy.
Many thanks to you.
Slan! |
Really Chris!!
Written by gerardconnolly (1354 comments posted) 11th August 2006 |
Hi Givitsum and welcome back.
Thanks for your comments. I can't believe you don't know who Marie Lloyd is!!? I think you're pulling my leg. You must have led a very sheltered existence in Sheffield. Imangine Gracie Fields, with talent!
Anyhow my regards for your appreciation. And by the way your review of MangoMan was one of the highlights of the week. That gag really has got five legs. I had to join in.
Oh and by the way.......I noticed that as you left the site the other day, Brook Rivers came straight on cursing like a trooper and telling jokes turds.....? ...No!?....Surley not....
Slan!
|
Hi Gerald
Written by jean.day (2908 comments posted) 11th August 2006 |
I found this fascinating and such fun. I had no difficulty visualising how it would have been on stage - you gave very good directions. It was very cleverly written and I really enjoyed the postscript at the end.
|
Thanks Janet...
Written by gerardconnolly (1354 comments posted) 11th August 2006 |
Many thanks. Its Gerard by the way. Gerald is my Welsh cousin who I have never heard of. My birth certificate says ' Gerhoiad o' Conalhaige ', but what the hell Jennifer, you can call me Ged, like all my friends. Or if you are an editor, 'You bastard'.
Just joking Jeanette. I am glad you enjoyed the piece. You and I are at opposite ends of the content spectrum; but when it comes to wordcraft but we both of us share an appreciation of professionalism. And as you are aware I have always been an admirer of your inch perfect style.
Thanks again, Joyce.
Slan! |
Victoria Wood.
Written by gerardconnolly (1354 comments posted) 11th August 2006 |
It has just struck me and I have amended the author's note above. I should have made it clear that for those students of the late Edwardian and interwar Music Hall Theatre, Lloyd's performance at Hoxton in 1921 was, for legal reasons, under a version of her real name, Victoria Wood.
Also it's probably not escaped anyone where the modern cockney term ' Duke o' Kent ' for a tight pants pixie comes from.
Slan! |
Nope!
Written by givitsum ( comments posted) 11th August 2006 |
Hi mate.
No, sorry but I've never heard of her, honestly. I wasn't born till 1971, which may have summat to do with it.
PS, speaking of the Rivers girl, any idea where she's got to? Fingers crossed she hasn't been abducted by aliens, who are, as we speak, performing explicit sexual experiments on her, whilst simultaneously draining her brain via Bluetooth, to generate a script for an Extra-Terrestrial TV sitcom called Fasten Your Teflon-Coated Chair Restraints Please.
I hope not, anyway.
Cheers
GVTSM |
Another Comedienne
Written by gerardconnolly (1354 comments posted) 11th August 2006 |
Thanks.
Last I heard of the Rivers woman she had been kicked upstairs to join those who watch over us all. I was told they needed someone who understood comedy. I know of no recent siting.
Slan! |
Born too late....
Written by woody44 (876 comments posted) 12th August 2006 |
Cor luv a duck what a right Tufnell Park this was. This is the real Macoy Gerard and I`m sure if you had been born in another era you could have made a nice little living writing material for Ms Lloyd. I also liked the idea of the postscipt, which tied things up very neatly. Finally it just goes to show there is no substitute for hard graft when it comes to turning out pieces such as this. Excellent.
happy writing
woody |
And my compliments to you also...
Written by gerardconnolly (1354 comments posted) 12th August 2006 |
Thank you Woody.
The messages from you and Mrs B made me sort out something other than simply complain about the shortcomings of others.
Yes it is challenging to write when you have to work to a strict brief. [ Or not get paid]. Oh for the luxury of being able to decide myself what I write. Amateurs have it so easy. It's not at all like that in the real world of the professional writer. I'm on holiday this coming week [10 deadlines instead of 20 ]. So I'll see if I can dream up something to tickle your fancy. Now let me see. Where did I leave that Bennett chap's number......
Thanks again Woody. Coming from you I take it is as a real compliment.
Slan!
|
Written by sasquatch (136 comments posted) 14th August 2006 |
Nice piece Gerard, well put together.
I aslo now know who Marie Lloyd was, which is good, knowledge is power of course.
Thanks for your review by the way. I deleted the peice as decided it was a bit too crass, which mirrored your comments in retrospect, and a few minutes later your review came through. Looks like the internet isnt so fast after all. But thanks all the same.
Sasquatch |
Hi Sas....!!
Written by gerardconnolly (1354 comments posted) 14th August 2006 |
Oh Sas!!
Now you've made me feel bad. I certainly didn't think you should have deleted it!! You at your worst are so much better than so many others at their best. And I didn't think it was that bad. For Christ's sake I reviewed it. I can't be arsed to do it for so many others who are , it seems, the stuff of genius!? [ My arse]. It's just as I continue to repeat I am not convinced you always do yourself justice. 'Diary' had legs. My regards to Mr Wilkinson, by the way. Ours [Satan] died two weeks ago. our youngest found him behind the Tumble Dryer. Praise the Lord! There is a God!!
Take Care Lovely Boy.
Slan! |
Written by sasquatch (136 comments posted) 14th August 2006 |
Thanks Gerard, ive stuck it up again. i actually removed it before your review appeared, we crossed in the post!
when i post stuff the gap between inspiration and execution is approx 0 seconds, so the quality is hit or miss, with the emphasis on miss, but thats always been my approach.
Mr Wilkenson is doing ok thanks, ill pass on your regards, and sorry to hear about Satan.
Cheers
Sasquatch |
Relieved.
Written by gerardconnolly (1354 comments posted) 14th August 2006 |
Thanks Sas.
I'm glad to hear it. That's put my mind at rest.
I'll have another look.
Slan!
|
Good stuff
Written by coosh (1156 comments posted) 21st August 2006 |
Yeah, it certainly "cheered me up" (other than leaving me with the feeling of how much of a mountain I have to climb in this area). Some great lines in this - fryin' it in on a teaspoon, and cocks penetrating the clarse barrier -
The song lyrics are brilliantly crafted and the images you conjure up are extremely vivid. (I had a momentary surrealistic vision of the The Two Ronnies suddenly deciding to shock a middle-class UK 70s Saturday evening audience - which thankfully disappeared).
The stack of research you must have to do on this really shows. Left me keen to read more gerardconnolly. |
I'll show yer mine,if you'll show me y
Written by gerardconnolly (1354 comments posted) 21st August 2006 |
Thank you coosh. You are most kind. And I am certainly tickled that I cheered you up.
As for the research, I must come clean and admit that the Production Company provides the Researcher. I didn't have to lift a finger. Mind you, probably neither did she as you can get most of this off the Internet.
I see you have popped something up on the Comedy Site. I pootle over later and sample your wares.
Slan! |
There may be trouble ahead...
Written by ellipinnock (1816 comments posted) 28th August 2006 |
...them randy runts what's peelin oranges in their pockets...what a beautiful image!!! oh i wish i could get that into a conversation without the inevitable social repercussions 
Enjoyed this so much I had to reread. However, this has had the unfortunate consequence that, having given the song a tune, I now find myself singing, ' Buffy's 'ad a bugger wif th' Duke of Kent' under my breath at increasingly inappropriate moments. I blame you entirely for any consequences this may have!
Thanks for sharing,
Elli |
Encore!
Written by gerardconnolly (1354 comments posted) 28th August 2006 |
Thanks Elli.
Trouble? You should read my script for Edward and Mrs Simpson, as performed by George Robey, Little Tich and Old Mother Riley.
Many thanks for you kind words. Very much appreciated.
Slan! |
oooooooh gerardconnolly!!
Written by brook_rivers (486 comments posted) 11th September 2006 |
Well the aliens have let me go & I have enough of my brain left to appreciate this fine piece of work!
Absolutely brilliant, you really brought it to life - please let us know when it is completed and on tv! & I'd love to see what you have made of Wallis!
Anymore news on the Village?
Best wishes
Brook
[& really Chris I can't believe you don't know who Marie Lloyd is! Even I, after an alien abduction and half my brain left, can recollect who she is!]  |
Praise from Caesar.
Written by gerardconnolly (1354 comments posted) 11th September 2006 |
Many thanks Brook. If you didn't exist we would have to invent you.
I will let you know when it goes out. Scheduled for Autumn 07 last I heard.
I will PM you about The Village. I promise. [Where have you heard that before!?]. Seriously this time. Honest. |
Remarkable...
Written by Talisker (1367 comments posted) 12th September 2006 |
Gerard
Its always humbling to read your material. Its like when I see a great guitar player, I always want to stop my sausage fingered efforts.
I love this "oooerrrr missus" stuff. I love the audience participation here - thats the best bit for me. It emphasises what was lost when cinema replaced music hall. A whole dimension of audience involvement and counterpoint. Marvelous!
Oli
|
Wizard with words.
Written by gerardconnolly (1354 comments posted) 12th September 2006 |
Thanks Old Celt.
You're quite a wizard with words youself.
Slan1 |
Wow!! BRILLIANT!
Written by flook123 ( comments posted) 5th February 2007 |
Wow! This is absolutely fantastic. You really are a real pro! I'd just love to see this performed! So original. I kinda read a few pieces and they are all so samey. But this so different!
I'm going to be looking up more of your scripts.
Flook |
So impressive
Written by flook123 ( comments posted) 5th February 2007 |
I ought to add that I am studying script as part of my course at UAE. If you catch this review I would really apprecite you giving me some feedback on how you come to be able to write like this. I have read a few other scripts on this site and they don't seem anything like as original or witty as yours. Do you write professionally? I see from the above that this was part of a series for E4. How did you get it on there? Also do you do it yourself or are you one of a team?
I look forward to hearing from you if you have the time.
Flook |
Do make contact.
Written by gerardconnolly (1354 comments posted) 5th February 2007 |
Many thanks to you Flook.
Although I always respond swiftly to crass humbug, I have to admit I am a little unused to fan mail. Do feel free to put any question you have to me in a Personal Message and I will endevour to reply as quickly as I can.
In broad answer to your enquiry ' THE SECRET HISTORY OF THE BRITISH CROWN '- of which this is a small interlude- is now complete and canned. I was responsible for four of the six episodes. We await a transmission listing. Probably in the autumn.
Slan! |
Well done Gerard
Written by flook123 ( comments posted) 6th February 2007 |
Thanks Gerard. I really appreciate what you say in your message. I will look at Gods Englishman draft also. I have read through this again and am trying to understand what you meant by this being episodic. Is it the same characterisation? Or do you introduce different one's? I can also see what you mean by the medium involving directing the speaking voice. Also does a Scripting Conference have the last word or can you still add things if you want.
Yours truely
Lance |
Panache! A Masterclass
Written by saracen (12 comments posted) 7th March 2007 |
in how to prepare a script. Savage, witty, outrageous and totally original. And how do you get those accents !!?? I can actually smell the putrid atmosphere of the old Music Hall theatre. Smashing piece. Like Lance above says this is in a different league to other scripting efforts on this site, and a few of those are actually quite good. But nothing comes near Marie Lloyd for sheer creative panache.
Fantasically well done. |
Written by fellpony (2924 comments posted) 7th March 2007 |
Finally got round to reading this Gerard - another treat. I'm curious to know, how much camera info was there in here, that you've removed? I am not in the scripting business, but am interested. You never know when such knowledge may come in handy.
Sue |
Ta.
Written by gerardconnolly (1354 comments posted) 7th March 2007 |
Once again thank you Saracen for your compliments.
I do accents in scripts for a living so its not something I think about too much. I just do it. It never ceases to amaze me the number of people who turn out a script in regional argot and think everyone talks RADA Cockney. Imbeciles. They deserve to have their work thrown back at them. Which I can assure you they repeatedly do.
Slan! |
Menage a Tois
Written by gerardconnolly (1354 comments posted) 7th March 2007 |
Thanks Sue.
Short answer, a lot. It would certainly disfigure a legible script such as could be read here. For example close shots on grip and on locate lighting take up around 50% of any working script in the hands of the Floor Manager. I am not responsible for the final camera directions [ That is for the Director- in this case Paula Sibley ]. But I do get to be consulted on any material departure from stage direction. There is also, of course a Lighting Director and a good deal of filming is spent in contratemps between the Director of Photography. Lighting and the Staging Director. The writer is contractually ' on the bench '.
Its out in the autumn.
Slan! |
Written by coosh (1156 comments posted) 19th March 2007 |
Re-reading this, I was wondering, when you started out, how naturally the scripting of accents came to you (particularly non-Irish) - when you look back at the first pieces you ever sold, I presume you see a considerable difference.
On a more flippant matter, far be it from me to suggest subjects for your material, but I wondered if you had noticed the fact that the Irish not only have a cricket team, but one which can comfortably stuff Pakistan - on St. Patrick's Day to boot. I can only imagine that any follower of Irish cricket (?!) who had wagered serious money on such an eventuality, must have experienced something not akin to a multiple orgasm. I look forward to seeing them in the final. In a hard fought tussle with Luxembourg. |
Wonderful!
Written by libbylaw (8 comments posted) 20th March 2007 |
I enjoyed reading this too. Like the person above it would be fascinating to know how long it takes to get all those accents right. Can't you just write it as normal and direct the actors to imitate the accent? Or is this too simple?
Real fun read. |
Irish Nationalist!!??
Written by gerardconnolly (1354 comments posted) 20th March 2007 |
Firstly thank you David.
The answer to your question is that I only really put on accents for show. When you produce a script it isn't necessary since the Script Editor is largely responsible for the tenor of the piece and the actors chosen will be so chosen for their ability to reproduce authentically an agreed line. For example the writers of Eastenders do no bother about idiom since that is already an accepted element of the concept. Actors are then recruited to reproduce this. The writer simply produces a script in keeping with the argot of the community represented. Ideas and creative plot progression are far more important.
Secondly yes. O tempora O mores. I never would have thought I would live to see the day that God Save the Queen was sung at Croke Park. Eamon De Valera must have turned in his grave. That would have blown his trilby over the dark side of the moon. No matter it is good to see that the world really does turn on its axis each day and that the dinosaurs of Clanna na Gael are no longer a salient feature of Irish society. Funny Ireland should be showing two fingers to Nationalism when Scotland seems to be so keen to embrace it. Mind a brutal Civil War was parobably enought o cure most sensible Irish of any romantic attachment to Nationalist twaddle. So much so that I can now turn on my TV set and witness the bizarre spectacle of Pat an' Mick playing cricket. As a fresh faced Galway farm boy on the eve of going up to TCD I once suggested to my Sportsmaster Fr Malachay Driscoll SJ that cricket might be worth considering as a summer game. His reply ' Connolly. When the Irish take up cricket is the day they have elected to rejoin the British Empire' , says it all. O tempora. O mores, indeed.
Slan! |
Ears not eyes.
Written by gerardconnolly (1354 comments posted) 20th March 2007 |
Thank you libbylaw. You are sort of, er, correct. See my above explaination to David. No scriptwriter I know of wastes too much time on reproducing ' authentic accents ' by the clipped syllable. It is much more important to develop the concept. Fun to read though . But real scripts are written to be produced not to be read.
Slan! |
Written by LynB (452 comments posted) 20th March 2007 |
Hi Gerard. I'm sorry I didn't review this when you first posted it up, but I was fairly new to the site, and not very confident at writing reviews, but I have to say this is a work of sheer genius. I love your humour, and the whole piece conjures up images of a time sadly long past.
You are truly an inspiration, and I always appreciate your support and encouragement. It means a lot to me. |
Lyn.
Written by gerardconnolly (1354 comments posted) 20th March 2007 |
Thank you Lyn. Believe me I would not waste my time giving you dishonest and cruel encouragement if I did not think you were were worth it. No you are right you may not be amongst the literary cognoscenti of this site. But I continue to believe by dint of an almost naive honesty and uncomplicated and uncontrived prose style, alongside the knack of being able to tell a good story, you are one of a tiny few on this site who stand out as a serious commercial prospect. Do I think you you mighrt win the Nobel Prize? Sadly no. But unlike the vast majority of others here, I do think you have a better than evens chance of getting into print. Which reminds me I must PM you with the two agents I think it would be worth approaching.
Slan! |
Written by LynB (452 comments posted) 20th March 2007 |
Thank you, Gerard. I don't expect to win the Nobel Prize - just to see my name on the front of a book cover would be enough.
I always appreciate your honesty, as it is always tempered with kindness. |
Written by pnc-creative (30 comments posted) 2nd April 2007 |
| This was quite enjoyable as a concept and the song was witty, but as a 12th generation Eastender, you appear to have made the fatal mistake of giving Marie the voice of Audrey Hepburn in My Fair Lady. For one who places so much value on the authenticity of real voices and credible dialogue, this was frankly disappointing. BTW, Duch should be Dutch - dutch knife = wife. |
Oh Dear..
Written by gerardconnolly (1354 comments posted) 7th April 2007 |
Oh Dear... Oh Dear. I suppose I have only myself to blame for this peevish piece of a reposte, since I was rather less than flattering about your recent offering. No matter. I am used to sour barbs. This thing is long ago rewritten, unrecognisible and canned so I am not minded to pay much attention to your comments. Also, I do note you are in a minority of one in your disappointment. So best leave it there.
One thing however is worth mentioning. Yes it is Duch. As written above as an oral pun on Lloyd's infamous banned ditty ' The Duchess of Billingsgate Castle' [ What always talked through 'er arse'ole ]. Incidentally there are a few other phrases in above post also lifted from that. If you are so clued up a member of the East End community as you claim to be I would have expected you to spot that immediately.
Slan! |
Radio Star.
Written by libbylaw (8 comments posted) 19th June 2007 |
Hi Gerard. I heard the ' IRA Customer Services Helpline ' on RTE - Brohannan's Eye. WONDERFUL.! Is Marie Lloyd on the box yet? You should let us know when its coming out. Look forward to it.
Liz |
Written by stevetroster (1907 comments posted) 6th July 2007 |
Dear Gerard.
With reference to your statement: “Yes it is Duch. As written above as an oral pun”.
As I have no knowledge of scriptwriting could you please explain to me how one can write an oral pun? As presumably an ‘oral pun’ is for listening to rather than reading??
Also, during the oration (had it not been canned), how exactly would the actor/actress orate the word Duch (as opposed to Dutch), in order to convey the oral pun??
Also, I assume that as this is a biographical work, that all of the songs and ditties used will be originals as performed by Miss Lloyd, and that therefore you can make no claim to having written them.
However, if you have been involved in writing the song in your post, you might want to take another look at it:
Georgie Porgie puddin' an' pie
Don't like girls. But on th' sly
Georgie Porgie likes t' play
Wif little boys what's young an' gay..........
The use of the word gay was initially more commonly used to imply ‘heterosexually’ unconstrained lifestyles, as for example in the once-common phrase "gay Lothario", or in the title of the book and film The Gay Falcon (1941), which concerns a womanizing detective.
Well into the mid 20th century a middle-aged bachelor could be described as "gay" without any implication of homosexuality.
The subculture usage started to become mainstream in the 1960s, when gay became the term predominantly preferred by homosexual men to describe themselves.
Best wishes.
|
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register.
Previous item
