Oh my god, oh my god, Oh MY GOD. I am just dying to tell you what happened yesterday. Well here’s what actually happened.

I met her again. YES. Sweet isn’t it? Her friend came with her. A guy. But I know for sure that they are just good friends. So that’s cool. What was not so cool was that the other guy was also there. You know what I am saying? Yeah the jerk. But, but, but, I ended up sitting next to her. Hohohahahehe. We went to this really chilled out place. Felt so nice and cozy and beautiful. All because she was there with me. I swear she could make even hell look like paradise. But the place was in fact really beautiful and she made it even more special. So we all just sat and talked about stuff and drank and smoked and ate. Ohh! just the fact that she was sitting next to me, somehow gave me a confidence that otherwise only alcohol can. And this time she was telling me something and leaned forward every time. My mouth was like stuck. All 32 teeth showing. It somehow didn’t want to shut. I never listened so intently to anyone else ever before in my life. I hung on to every word that came out of her mouth. Oh boy! God I couldn’t stop staring at her. Sweet lord. I am sure I looked like a jerk to her. But you know she makes me really really HAPPY when I am around her. She makes me feel extra special.
Unfortunately we had to move out as the place was nearing its closing time. Losers. Tch, Tch, why even have a place if they can’t see the magic happening right under their unromantic noses. Anyway, then we all make plans to have dinner elsewhere. So we go restaurant hunting. Finally an idea struck yours truly. I knew this place near the railway station that was open 24/7. So we sat down together again and I was thinking this is so good. I was there with the queen of cuteness, her majesty, the honey bee. Again the session of talks continued. She was tired it seems, poor thing, she kept resting her head on the table. I felt like giving her the warmest hug ever, but hey, I heard a voice. “Seriously?...you kidding me”(Yeah, it was GOD). Anyways then we had a dumb little argument that kinda made her upset and almost made me puke. I was disgusted at myself for making her upset. But I swear I was just trying to help her. Anyway that’s not very important. Then what happened? Oh yeah, then being the certified fool that I am, I ask her, “Are you like ok with my company or should I like just walk out”. That’s when she just looked at me and got up. She went to the loo. It looked like she had splashed water on her face. I hoped that she hadn’t cried or anything. Anyway we all decide to push off. But, but, but, our tiny little GOD man, who I feel is so on my side, did something for me. He made it rain. And not just simple drizzling, crazy, mad rain. I looked up in gratitude. So we stayed for a while more. She was keeping a really low profile. Perhaps she was mad at me for what I had said earlier. But she couldn’t keep it in and blurted it out.

“Mister are you going to continue this”?

“Continue what”?

“This thing of pointing out and blaming me of double standards and hypocrisy”.

“Ok, if speaking my mind is a crime I apologize”.

“No, an apology won’t get you anywhere”, saying this punched. And ladies and gentleman it wasn’t pleasant. It was a real punch. My abdomen was what she chose to assault. And not 1 or 2 or 3 or 4 or 5, but 6 punches, one after the other. But hey how could I possibly mind that, after all you know how much she means to me. At least she wasn’t mad at me anymore. It was still raining and there was no way now that she or her friend could have entered their respective hostels. It was pretty late. So she had a brilliant idea. Who’s girl is she again?  She suggested we go to my house. YES.  There were two reasons for it. One, my house was the closest and two; she wanted to read my stories. People, I was on the 18^th cloud, if there is one. It was still raining.

So the scene for the next few hours is my house. And thankfully it was passable, not super neat but not unbearable either. It was relatively clean. We all watch TV for a while and then she requested me to sing something. I was like, alright! Now the only thing I had to do was to choose the perfect song. And I did. I pick my guitar and start strumming. “What day is it and in what month this clock never seems so alive, I can’t keep up and I can’t back down, I’ve been losing so much time, coz its you and me and all other people..blah..blah and I don’t know why, I can’t keep my eyes off you. Blah…blah…I am tripping on words, you got my head spinning and I don’t know where to go from here”. Man, was it perfection or what? The wonderful ‘Lifehouse’ number. She was overwhelmed and totally impressed. I looked at the jerk with eyes of superiority. I could see his face changing colors. Hahaha. It was really funny.

Then came the moment I was both dreading and looking forward to. She told me she wanted to read my stories. Before that I made her listen to all the songs I love. The ones that had subtle hints in them. “Strange and beautiful” by Aqualung, “Yellow” by Coldplay, “Hanging by a moment”, Lifehouse and few others. Then came the time for the grand finale. I told her my recent literary effort was the ‘Mindless Babble of the Eternally Stupid Heart” and that I have written 3 parts and the fourth one will be the last. But I didn’t show it to her right away. I first showed my earlier stuff that I had written. And then…the story that was about…well, us.

She was sitting next to me and I nervously took the mouse cursor to the first part and clicked on the link. Stupid computer. The page got loaded in a jiffy; otherwise it would take repetitive abuses to just get it started. At a subconscious level I did want her to find out how I felt about her at least through my stories, but at a more sane level I dreaded that, because I had no clue how she would react to something like that.

She starts reading the intro. Then gets right into the action. “Hey wait a minute, is this fiction or real. Is this all about me by any chance”, she asked. I was like, uh, uh, uh…no, not at all. Damn, I was bloody nervous.

“This is so about me. This is exactly the same conversation we had the other day”.

“Yes, most it is true and how I really felt at that moment". I somehow had the courage to say that, especially now that I had been cornered.

“But when did I stand close to you, when did I call him? (the other guy), I never called or messaged anyone. Were you there”?

“Yeah when I was there, he got a message”.

“I am sure, it was someone else. And I don’t have anything for anyone else, ok. So I am a bitch, a psycho. Wow, great”?

“See I wrote this when I was really really mad and upset. So don’t hang on to every word. Just think how painful it had been for me?” Ok I am going to the other room, you finish reading this and let me know”.

“You are not leaving this room until I am done. Sit”.

I begged her not to read further. But she nevertheless does. She goes through the next two parts as well. Shocked and surprised was what her face told me. Finally she asked me one last time. “Is this all fiction or real”?

“What do you think”?

“Real”?

“Bingo”.

She just said ok and walked off to the other room. I moved a little to let her pass. I just sat there not knowing what to do, whether to go after her or just find some place to hide my face? Anyway I just sit there to just get back my composure. I go straight to the kitchen and make some tea for me, her and the other guy, who was now chatting to her in the in the front room. Making tea just gave me some time to think about all the things that could happen in the next few hours. She was lying on my couch. God, what does she have in her to melt me like that every time I look at her? She had covered herself with my quilt. “Lucky bastard”. Anyway I just wanted to keep the cups there and sneak out to the other room as inconpicuously as possible, but thankfully the other guy asked me something and I took it as a chance to sit there and answer him. I thank him for that. While he was jabbering away, she had closed her sweet eyes and gone to sleep. Since I didn’t wanted to disturb her I asked the other guy to come out with me. Just when I was getting up to go, she said with sleepy eyes, “Where are you going?” and smiled the most beautiful smile I had ever seen in my life. It instantly warmed my heart.

“Just for a little stroll, you sleep”, I said and smiled back. That moment is when I thought that this really could be what I thought it was. We both (the other guy and myself) came in after a while and opened the door, only to find that she had shifted to my bed. “Lucky bastard”.

Awww, I could have gone down on my knees and begged her to stay there her entire life, so that I could just keep looking at her. She was lying on her side, her face turned towards me. A little strand of hair was covering her face.

I suddenly realized that the other guy was watching me with some keen interest, so I just asked him to come to the balcony with me. Her friend had already occupied one bed and she was on the other, so there was no way that the jerk and I could’ve found a place to crash and anyway I wouldn’t have been able to. So I indulged myself in some stupid no-good chit chat. It was close to 5 in the morning and I was finding it hard to keep my eyes open. So had another cup of tea. But if my girl as much as hinted that she was going to be at my place every day, then you know I could bloody well go without sleep my entire life.

Finally the jerk and I decided that we should possibly go out and have some breakfast and so we did that. We came back and I found her still sleeping. At around 7 she woke up and looked up at me. She told me to sit, and I chose to sit next to her and she kind of moved away, as if she was trying to say, "Don't touch me". So I sat a little away from her. Ok, so I knew that she was going to give it to me. I am sure, the one ABOVE, watching all this must be so happy. This is what she told me.

“Okay, first of all I am sorry that I gave you wrong signals. I didn’t mean to. You are a great guy but honestly I have never felt the way you feel for me. When I read your stuff, it kind of freaked me out. I have had guys proposing to me in the past, but this was really a different way of doing it".     

“Um, yes.”

“Ok, but right now, first, it’s not on my priority list and second, frankly I am not attracted to you that way. I just wanted to be friends with you, nothing more. So now that you know that, you can move on. I will see you around. Take care. Bye.”

I was kinda amazed at my capacity to be sane when she said all that. I thanked GOD for that.

It became tough once she left. The first thing I did was to put a pillow to my mouth and scream my heart out. Felt good. Then I just went in front of god's idol and fell at his feet like a loose gunny sack and CRIED. Cried and cried and cried till I could cry no more. I looked at him for answers, for comfort. I didn’t understand what was happening to me. I seriously wanted to call up and talk to someone. At least I would get a freaking response. Not like this gentleman (Mr. so called GOD) who was the least bothered. But I didn’t know whom to call. So I talked to myself and cried by myself. Because I was the only person concerned enough to talk to me. I don’t know, I had a strange feeling in my heart. It was a nervous flutter. No, it was like someone had stabbed me over and over again. No, it was like someone was burying my heart alive. No, it was like my heart was hit by a flood of salty liquid crap. I don’t know. I just picked up my guitar and started strumming something that came to my mind….       

 Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can't find no rest
Where I’m going is anybody's guess
I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is…incomplete…incomplete… incomplete.

“Jean is not stable Mrs.Livingston and perhaps will never be. But to know exactly what he is going through, you should read the stories he has written about this girl. At least then we would know how he really feels. How painful all this is for him. He has literally opened his soul in these stories”.

“Sob, sob, my poor child. I can’t. I just can’t live through the pain he is going through, so I don’t think I will be able to read what he has written. I…”

“Doctor Andrews, Doctor Andrews, there seems to something seriously wrong with Jean".

“What happened nurse”?

“His entire body seems to be paralyzed and he is screaming wildly and repeating some girl’s name over and over again”.

“Oh my god. I don’t feel his pulse. His heart beat is dangerously uneven. Jean, Jean, Je….”

“What happened Doctor. What has happened to my poor child?”

“He is no more Mrs.Livingston. He has poisoned himself. I am so sorry”.

“Sob, sob, s…What’s that in his hands Doctor”?

“Seems like a letter. May I?”

“Yes please”.

“No one is to be blamed for my death. It’s my fault. I being this emotional stupid fool just didn’t think. All I want you do for me now is somehow make my sweetheart read this last story. At least she would know that I didn’t move on, I couldn’t and loved her till my last breath.”

Sweet Love
Jean.  

“I am glad he killed himself Doctor. Life has been so cruel to him”.