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Against the clock
By MikeMorris
11 August 2006
A Very Short short story

   Not in his wallet. Nor inside pocket. Or top drawer of the sideboard. Where was it? He only had an hour. Maybe if he showed the accompanying letter? Oh, yes, with “No Admittance without Ticket” in big red letters.
   Mum! He tried the mobile he’d bought her. Please, please let it be switched on.
   “Hello, Mum? Can you hear me?”
   “Hello , Alan love.I can’t hear you ,son. But I can see your name on the phone. I’m on the bus. I’ll be home in a bit. Don’t worry.”
   Why, oh why hadn’t he taught her to text? Couldn’t be bothered, as usual.
   Where had he been when he’d opened the letter? In the kitchen. What had he done? Just dropped everything in the drawer. That was where he’d found the letter. But no ticket.
   Well, this was the end for him and Laura. She’d made it plain- sad, but firm.
   “If you come on Thursday I’ll know we have something. If not, well, goodbye and good luck.”
   But why was he so stupidly stubborn? “Nose, Cut  and Face” came to mind. Alright, he hadn’t wanted her to go to college; it took her away from him. But secretly he was proud of her degree.
   And today was her day. Without him being there.
   The ‘phone rang.
   “Hello”
   “Alan?” It’s Julie. Shouldn’t you be gone?”
   “Look, sis, I can’t find the degree ceremony ticket.”
   “Trust you. Mum put it in your bedroom so you wouldn’t forget it. Against the clock”
 

Reviews
Worthwhile two minutes....
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 11th August 2006
Very accomplished bit of throw away dialogue woven into a nice little aside. Well done, Mike. If you have not already done so you should look up Woody' work.[ ie Woody 44]. He's a real maestro at this sort of thing. It's my guess he would be right up your street. 
 
Slan!
Good Job
Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 11th August 2006
But i would have liked you build on it a lil more, you know what i am saying, like giving it a little more flesh. But all in all, it is engaging. 
 
Regards, 
TT
A bit more meat
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 11th August 2006
I was complaining that some of the short stories didn't have endings and now your's doesn't seem to have a beginning. What's there is fine in an easy converational style but I would have liked to know a bit more about the situation and characters.  
cheers 
BBS

Written by MikeMorris (106 comments posted) 11th August 2006
Very many thanks to Ged, TT and BBS. 
The piece was for a creative writing assignment that had to be exactly 250 words without the title. Hence the shortness.The title was as obligatory as the length. 
Maybe I'll try one without the constraints. Or leave it to those who know? 
Many thanks again. 
Mike

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 11th August 2006
"The piece was for a creative writing assignment that had to be exactly 250 words" 
Mike, that seems to be an oxymoronic statement to me. If you're going to be creative then why put limits on it. The story is the thing: it takes as long as it takes to tell. 
But don't listen to me, what do I know. It just struck me as an odd thing to do,that's all.. hey-ho 
cheers 
BBS

Written by MikeMorris (106 comments posted) 11th August 2006
The thing was, the tutor was trying to make us cut out all superfluous words. Some of the work had become a little long-winded, peppered with adverbs and adjectives. 
This was an attempt to make us "slim down" 
Chacun a son gout.... 
Straight up the Confessional...
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 11th August 2006
Chacun a son gout!!? 
 
Chacun a son gout!!!!!!!??? 
 
What's some lad from Ardwick doin' goin' about talkin' dirty foreign talk like that!!!??? 
 
Disgusting!  
 
It's a good job Father O' Gara isn't alive to hear that. Disgusting. Utterly disgusting!!

Written by MikeMorris (106 comments posted) 12th August 2006
A' gearoid, a duirt aithr o gara "pogue mo hone"! 
Slan, Micheal
A moment in time...
Written by mishmish (389 comments posted) 14th August 2006
...captured very well by your writing! 
 
I enjoyed this story, although short there was a lot in it. The reader got the feeling of anxiety and panic, and of course the implied love story... 
 
Really good well done! 
 
Best wishes 
 
mishmish x

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