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For Children
Watching The Garden Birds.
By Buchan
11 August 2006
Just look at the birds ...so much to see and learn

              I love to watch birds ,sing and peck
              In the morning for food on my deck
              Feathered friends abound and come 
              To feed to look even have some fun

              Red,brown,blue,yellow can be seen to
              Only the thought that life goes on
              Built a house,where my wren goes to sleep
              All his family,they go cheep,cheep,cheep

              Happy place for them to stay,one day fly away
              They need a house like you and me
              No credit cards,no electric bills to pay
              Don't need money,isn't their life funny

              They are happy with a little,not a lot
              Life that is all they got...........................

Reviews
To Buchan
Written by Josie (2732 comments posted) 15th September 2006
Buchan, I don't like to be critical, but only to say this: You started your poem off very well and I see that you aimed to be writing with rhyme and rhythm. Firstly, you need to indent your rhyming lines, and secondly by the time you arrived at verse 2, the rhyming seemed to have come to an end on the first two lines, and the rhythm went astray. If you are writing for children, the teaching of rhyme and rhythm is a necessary part of the National Curriculum, and they are taught to count and clap to the rhythm of their poetry. I think you could do so well with the subject and if you tackled the second and third verses in a better way. Having said that, I am sure that some of my own poetry jars and I find it difficult to write this way - - - that is the challenge I suppose.

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