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Poetry
Cheofurth
By Beeman
01 May 2005


Under your feet, under the floor it sits.

 

Flicking its huge wings, wings in bits.

 

Mother of ghouls,

 

Eater of graves.

 

Over your face it creeps-as you sleep.

 

Gorgeous dusty browns,

 

Soft feelers

 

With its shedding it drowns.

 

The myth of a city,

 

Like a great moth of pity,

 

It sits with the old-smelling of mould

 

And keeps them cosy.

 

It kisses the sacred soil as it snakes,

 

Leaving skull eggs for what it takes.

 

Always silent, not a noise,

 

Always secret, hiding scattered toys.

Reviews
a genuine frightener
Written by kevinrobson73 (441 comments posted) 3rd May 2005
effective, liked the gaps between the lines to give it gravitas 
you built the image unrelenting 
unpleasant overtones well delivered 
can see this as a performance piece -darkened room on hallow een -have plenty of toilet paper in the house :grin

Written by Clodagh (29 comments posted) 18th May 2005
I am going to be a bit harsh here as I really enjoyed the poem and find your poetry quite developed so i reckon you can handle it. You express yourself really well, the flow is great and the imagery is great. There are just one or two bits I would change- i dont really like the rhyme in it apart from the last two lines, it just seems out of place in this piece- the images are brilliant though- you've got some great ideas and you express them well- it's a breath of fresh air ;) 
 
 
 
 
Under your feet, under the floor it sits. 
Flicking its huge wings, wings in bits.(i would rephrase rhyme sounds forced and unnecessary) 
 
Mother of ghouls, 
Eater of graves. 
Over your face it creeps-as you sleep.(nice) 
 
Gorgeous dusty browns, 
(omit soft feelers, breaks the flow) 
With its shedding it drowns. 
 
 
The myth of a city, 
Like a great moth of pity, 
It sits with the old-smelling of mould 
(omit and keeps them cosy sounds out of place) 
 
It kisses the sacred soil as it snakes, 
Leaving skull eggs(omit for what it takes rhyme again is too forced and out of place) 
 
Always silent, not a noise, 
Always secret, hiding scattered toys. 

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