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Drama Scripts
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| Harry Eight | |
| By Granpa | ||||
| 16 August 2006 | ||||
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This script was developed for performance at Craft Fayres/ Fetes and in the grounds of public houses.... Harry Eight Enter Anne Boleyn. She is dressed in period costume showing plenty of cleavage and flirts outrageously with the men (young and old) in the audience on her way through to centre stage. She should try to pick up a young man on the way through and speak the following to him Anne: My name is Anne. Anne Boleyn if ‘twere exact. What thinkest thou of my womanly charms? Am I not a winsome and pretty little dish? Good enough to set before a King mayhap? Enter Henry and Katherine of Aragon from a distance. They talk between themselves but not to the crowd. Anne: But hush now, I hear my King approach. Pushes the young man away here, selects a woman from the crowd and speaks the next words to her Anne: Is he not the most manly of men? He makes my blood run hot and melts my very loins! I must have him! I WILL have him……. but first to get rid of his shrewish wife Katherine. Let me hide and await my chance. Pushes the woman away and hides where she may (in the crowd, behind a bush, wherever available) Henry and Katherine approach the centre, talking loudly as they do. Henry: So then wife. Some twenty years wed and still no male offspring. Methinks your father, Ferdinand of Spain hath soldeth me a dud. Kath.: If there be a dud, My Lord, it lies in thy breeches. Henry: How dare thee importune MY manhood! Me! Henry Eight, so called for the length and breadth of me in the bedchamber! Kath: If that be so My Lord then thee would be more aptly named Henry Two Henry: Away with you harlot! Get back to your maids. If I could rid myself of your presence I would so do in a trice. Off with you, out of the King’s sight. Katherine flounces off in a huff. Henry continues to talk to himself Henry: I would send an emissary to the Vatican itself (thinks here) but his Holiness will grant no divorce without good and compelling reason. There must be a way! Anne saunters out from hiding in sight of the King. She moans and swoons to the floor Henry rushes over to her, bends down and takes her hand. Henry: Great God, art thou a maiden in distress? Anne: (miraculously recovering)Indeed I am Sire (aside to the audience) tho’ I’d rather be a maiden out of this dress. Henry helps Anne to her feet but keeps hold of her hand. She bows her head modestly. Henry: Thou art a pretty little thing Anne: And you, kind Sire, are my Knight in shining armour Henry: A kiss then, sweet child, for thy saviour Leans forward ready for a kiss. Anne turns away and the kiss lands on her cheek Henry: And a virtuous little thing Anne: I value my maidenly modesty Sir Knight and guard it well ‘til my wedding night. Henry: Come girl, a romp in the bushes cures all ills Takes her by the arm and tries to lead her to the bushes. Anne drags back Anne: Alas Sire, I have no ills………..and if I did the cure lies in the wedding bed, not the rose bed. Henry: Does thou know who I am girl? Anne: Thou art my Knight Sire Henry: I am also thy Monarch child! (sweeps off his hat, Anne falls to her knees in front of him) King of England, Lord of Scotland, Protector of Wales and some bits and pieces of France, Keeper of the Catholic Faith and captain of the Palace polo team. I am Henry Eight!! Anne, on her knees, stares at his crotch Anne: Thou art aptly named Sire Bows her head demurely. Henry gently helps her to her feet. Henry: The rose bed then, my little tulip? Anne: The wedding bed Sire Henry: But I am already wed Lady Anne: Then annul thy marriage Sire Henry: I need grounds girl otherwise the Pope will have apoplexy Anne: Didst thou not wed thy brothers wife Sire? Henry: Ay, ‘tis a well know fact Anne: Then turn to thy Bible Sire Henry: My Bible child? Thy dares to instruct me on the scriptures? Anne: Leviticus XX my Lord Anne exits looking demurely over her shoulder Henry: Damn! She’s more difficult to get into than the Palace treasury. Wanders about talking to himself Henry: Wedding bed hey mmmmm…………………..Leviticus XX mmmmmmmm CROMWELL!! Enter Thomas Cromwell, the Kings advisor. He rushes up and falls to his knees in front of the King Cromwell: You called Sire? Henry: Get me Moore, Cromwell Cromwell: More what Sire? Henry: Thomas Moore Cretin! Kicks Cromwell over. He recovers and scurries away Henry: AND CHECK LEVITICUS XX CROMWELL Cromwell: Yes Sire! Henry impatiently taps his foot whilst awaiting Moore and Cromwell. Cromwell appears in a hurry as usual whilst Moore strolls along behind. Cromwell falls to his knees Cromwell: Sire! I bring you Thomas Moore Henry: And Leviticus man? Cromwell: Couldn’t find him anywhere Sire Henry kicks him over again Henry: Idiot! Clear off Cromwell scuttles away as Moore approaches More: “If a man shall take his brothers wife, it is an unclean thing: He hath uncovered his brothers nakedness; they shall be childless” Henry: Beg pardon? More: Leviticus XX Sire. Henry: What sayeth thee man? As I took my brothers wife I shall be childless? More: Not I Sire, but the Bible Henry: What means this? More: That thy marriage to Katherine is unlawful in the eyes of the church Sire Henry: Unlawful you say? Art thou saying I have been living in sin these past twenty years? More: According to Leviticus Sire, that is true Henry ponders this Henry: Then I have never been truly wed to the shrew Katherine More: That would seem to be true Sire. Henry: CROMWELL! CROMWELL More walks away Cromwell scuttles up again and falls to his knees before his king Cromwell: You screamed Sire Henry: Get yourself aboard the next ship to Rome man and petition His Holiness the Pope Cromwell: Petition his Holiness Sire? Henry: Tell his Holiness that Henry Eight is not lawfully married and therefore requires that an immediate annulment Cromwell: But Sire……. Henry: No buts idiot, get thee gone Pushes Cromwell over. He gets up and starts to trot off Henry: And get me More! Cromwell: (running away) How much more dost thou want Sire Enter Anne. Dressed provocatively. She drops to her knees in front of Henry Anne: Sire, thou art indeed a mighty Monarch Henry: Ah! My little tulip rise, rise! Henry helps her to her feet and attempts to kiss her, she turns her head and his kiss lands on her cheek Henry: Virtuous as ever I see my little dove Anne: I save myself for my future husband Sire Henry lifts her chin and stares into her eyes Henry: And what lucky fellow would that be my little peach? Enter Katherine in a hurry. She rushes up to Henry and Anne and knocks Anne aside Katherine: So! My husband finds solace in a common slut! My Father shall here of this. Spain will take up arms Anne rushes back and pushes Katherine aside Anne: If thou wert able to give tend to thy husbands passion perhaps he would not seek solace elsewhere. Katherine: How dare thee speak to thy Queen thus! She pushes Anne again and the two start a cat fight and end up rolling on the ground. Henry stands and watches in glee before breaking the fight up and separating the two women. He holds them apart. Henry: Ladies ladies! Fight ye not over me………..after all there is plenty here for both. Indicates his ample belly Katherine: I demand that she be executed at once for laying a finger on her Queen! Cromwell is seen pushing his way through the crowd towards Henry Henry: Ah! My salvation is at hand…………….Katherine of Aragon, our marriage has never been and Cromwell, recently from Rome, will confirm its annulment Cromwell reaches Henry and drops at his feet. Henry: Rise man! Art thou fond of groveling in the dirt like a spineless pup? Cromwell: Sire I………….. Henry: Spit it out man! Cromwell: Sire I……………. Henry: Come man! Tell all present that our Pope has annulled my marriage to this old prune Indicates Katherine Cromwell: Sire, His Holiness…….His Holiness…………. Henry: Spit it out man! Cromwell: (in a rush) His Holiness the Pope refuses to annul thy marriage Sire Henry: What!! (pushes Cromwell away) Fool!! Idiot!! Emptier of the royal chamber pot!! Katherine: So husband, thou has failed in thy spurious attempt to divorce thy wedded wife! Now for you my little Harlot Turns to Anne who clings desperately to Henry’s arm Anne: My Lord! Protect me my Lord! Henry puts his arm around Anne protectively Henry: Fear thee not child your King has reached a decision that will affect all of England’s Christendom. CROMWELL!! Cromwell: Your Majesty? Henry: Get me More Cromwell: More wh………… Henry: That jokes played out now Cromwell………..get thee gone Cromwell hastily departs tail between his legs Henry: And you, wife, get thee back to thy chambers Katherine: But Sire……………. Henry: Get thee gone woman! Katherine departs, head held high. Henry turns to Anne Henry: And now my little buttercup ( kisses her passionately) for the rose bushes Takes her by the hand and begins to lead her away. Thomas More enters More: You called Sire? Henry: Damn and tarnation the Gods conspire against me! Go Anne, great affairs of state are imminent. Go warm our nuptial bed for thou will be my wife afore the day is done Anne drops to her knees in front of Henry and kisses his hand whilst staring at his codpiece Anne: My Lord, my very loins ach for thee Anne deoarts whilst coyly looking at Henry Henry: More, the Pope has refused to annul mine sinful marriage to Katherine despite the sayings of the good Leviticus. More: Then all is lost My Lord Henry: Not so man! Am I not the King? Am I not the leader of all England? , Am I not the mightiest of the mighty? More: Indeed thou art My Lord, and not forgetting captain of the palace Polo team Henry: Then I denounce the Pope, the Papist regime, Rome, the EEC and the European currency and declare myself head of the new English church. More: But My Lord…………….. Henry: If thee values thy head More thee will keep a close watch on thy mouth. More: Yes Sire Henry: And thou More, are my new Archbishop More: Yes Sire Henry: And thy first job is to rid me of Katherine and wed me to Anne………see that they attend me at once man and whilst you are at it chop the head off the traitor Cromwell. More: As you wish Sire More departs. Henry wanders into the crowd and chats up the women. More re appears with Katherine and Anne Henry: Perform thy duty Archbishop More: Yes Sire………………………I pronounce thee divorced from this woman (pushes Katherine aside) and married to this woman Pushes Anne towards Henry who sweeps her into his arms and gives her a lusty kiss Katherine A pox on you Henry, my Father………….. Henry: Your father is a bungling fool…………rid the realm of her More More takes Katherine by the arm and hustles her away. Henry turns to Anne Henry: And now my little orchid………….. Leads Anne away. Short pause then Anne rushes back to centre and addresses the crowd Anne: ‘Tis two years since I first entered Henry’s bed and in truth his interest hath drooped. But I am still a passionate and sensuous lady and would welcome the attentions of a lusty male. Goes into the crowd, finds a lusty male and leads him back to the centre Anne: Thou art are a fine figure of a man Sire Drops to her knees in front of him Anne: Wilt thou not give thyself to help a poor maiden sorely in need of succor? Henry and More appear as Anne is on her knees Henry: What is this I see. Do my eyes deceive me More? More: It would seem that thy wife hath a more than healthy interest in a commoners breeches my Lord Henry storms up to the couple and throws Anne to the floor Henry: Away with this harlot More, divorce her from her head More drags Anne, kicking and screaming, away. Henry turns to the man Henry: So! Thou thinks to bed a Kings wife? Knowest thou the penalty for bedding a Kings wife? Man answers Henry: Thou must sing for thy King. Bring my lute! All characters gather round, Anne brings in Henry’s lute (guitar) with a songsheet for Greensleeves. All sit on the ground bar the man and More who remain standing. The King plays and all sing. At the end of the song: Henry: Now clear off and don’t let me catch you chatting up a Kings wife again Kicks man in the backside Henry: And you lot can clear off too (indicating all other characters) All leave until King is alone Henry: Now then, seems I need a new wife………………(looks into the crowd)..there is a certain Jane Seymour……….. End
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