WELL SERGEANT TUBBY.

They said it was going to be over by Xmas, they just never said which one. From a distance the requisitioned Chateau looked the picture of 18^th Century Baroque. Close up it was tattered and shabby suffering as it had from vandalism both mindless and official. The building now housed the Regimental HQ, cell blocks and punishment yard. Today it was busy, eight court Martials: six had been heard, one was in progress and one was to come. The punishments had been harsh, four firing squad executions, and two floggings. The last two were likely to be punished by crucifixion.

The Execution Squad sat in a room that had 3 doors, one led to the court room, one to the cell block and one opened onto the Punishment Yard. The squad consisted of 8 men all regular soldiers. They were led by an invalided Captain who had refused to be sent home, there was a Sergeant missing an eye and an ear but otherwise sound and finally six lead swingers who knew a soft option.

However the captain had surprised everybody when he said that he would not be a party to a crucifixion. He stated that "I would shoot the poor bastard first and then stick him on the cross."

The Sergeant butted in, "No sir you see I would have bayoneted him first, it's silent and nobody would be the wiser."

One of the 6 men said, "you're safe with us sir. I'd rather go back to the trenches than see a man die on a cross."

The court room door opened and a terrified sixteen year old boy was handed screaming and struggling over to the execution party. The court room door closed. All of a sudden the boy went limp and the squad carried him out to the yard. As the Sergeant passed the Captain there was a wordless exchange. Neither man had joined up to torture children.


On their return they collected the last man. A Corporal charged with disobeying orders and on a separate occasion disobeying orders when under enemy fire. He was led by the Captain and escorted by the Squad into the court room. When the Squad was dismissed the man was asked by the Senior Officer "Well Corporal Tubby"

He replied "As well as well as is to be expected sir."

The Colonel was tired and sickened by the blood thirstiness of his fellow judging officers. "What I should have asked was how do you plead?"

Tubby answered, "I was hoping that I would be told what it was I was supposed to have done sir."

"Tell me Tubby what happened on the day that you were arrested."

"Well sir, we were to collect ordinance from the depot and take it to the back of line holding area. There would be 6 carts ...."

The Officer interrupted "Just tell me what happened"

"We dressed the horses, harnessed up and were at the Ordinance depot by 2.am. There was no sign of the Sergeant or the Captain. Being the Senior soldier present I ordered the carts to be loaded sir.

"Go on"

"I packed the carts so that the high explosives were split amongst the carts, and I had the top of the load sandbagged."

The Major looked puzzled, "Surely standing orders say that different sorts of ordinance should be in separate carts?"

"Yes sir"

"Why did you disobey standing orders?"

"Because sir, if a lucky shell had hit the high explosive wagon it would have blown up and taken us all with it. This way if we were lucky we would lose at worst one cart."

The Major looked at his fellow officers and ordered, "the first charge is to be considered unfounded. Now Tubby what is this about you disobeying orders under enemy fire?"

"Not guilty sir I did as I was ordered sir."

"Can you explain?"

"Yes sir, when the Sergeant and Officer arrived at about 4.am sir, 2 hours late; we left and were in close order. By now it was getting light and I suggested that we did not go along the ridge for we would be seen"

"But you went along the ridge"

"Yes sire, I obeyed orders."

"Then what happened"

"We came under fire sir and we were ordered to take cover. The other men stood and loosed their horses and then ran, I took my cart down the slope, unhitched the horses and then I led them away from the cart sir"

"You were ordered to take cover"

"I did sir; four strapping great horses provide excellent cover sir. Not only that but after the shelling which killed all but me and the Captain, I was able to deliver both the Captain; who had lost a leg and at least one load of mixed ordinance to the back of line holding area.

"Charge unfounded, court dismissed, stay where you are Tubby."


The execution squad came in. The Major beamed, "No further work for you lads.  The Boy did not suffer did he?"

"No sir" replied the Sergeant "I think he passed out and never came to"

The Major ordered "Squad dismissed".

That left just the Officer and Corporal Tubby.

"You a horses man Tubby?"

"Yes sir, family business drays and hansoms sir. However we've been buying as a novelty them new fangled automobiles sir. My brother and I drive them. See people can't afford Horses so they hire a fancy automobile to take them places. I have to dress up like a footman sir."

"Well we are in luck Tubby, I'm in need of a Driver, how do you fancy the job?"

"I'd be proud and honoured sir"

"Well Sergeant Tubby consider it is yours."


(As a consequence he came home in 1918. Five years later he sired his second child, his first daughter Hilda, who in turn gave birth to Brian. I owe that Officer everything.)