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Poetry
A Widdle on Mr. Riddell - on receiving a rude rejection letter from the Senior Asst. Editor of The S
By Talisker
21 August 2006
This is a vitriolic poem in the Scots vernacular.  N.B. A widdle is a curse - not what you might first have thought of...though I think the pun adds to the fun (B->).

Oli


Yir bonnie gizz micht leuk ill-less,
But tent tae thy guid-dame.
The aiple wi’ the perfit skin’s
Been foostie jist the same.

An’ binna gie’s that sated gange,
Frae praisent seilie hichts.
The ill-aff joskin puir in siller,
Sleeps aft better nichts.

An’ shoud ye git abuin yersel !
Heidsman o’ wittins blad.
Jist mind the unco hichts ye sclim,
The fa’ll be muckle bad.

A seendle wissed a gadgie ill,
Twas niver in ma naitur.
A’d ne’er met the like o ye!
Ya coorse, ill-deedie craitur!

A pestilence tae tak yer hoose!
May nits infest yer oxters!
A rattan frae yer cludgie spring!
An’ aft times veesit doctors!

May skits cam hantle oot yer airse!
An’ plooks brierd on yer tadger!
May rochians mony a skelpin gie ye!
Y’ell no fecht back A’ll wager!

Ye’ll niver dee a strae-daith man,
T’will be baith lang an’ sair.
An’ ower yer wickit saul ye’ll find,
Nae meenisters in prayer.

An when tae hecklebirnie plowt,
Nick’s gleed tae face Paul Riddell.
Ye’ll birsle ‘n’ skoosh a month o’ muins,
Oan Mahoun’s sweltrie griddle!

Reviews
Braw
Written by kevg (45 comments posted) 26th August 2006
Great job. 
 
Excellent command of the Scots dialect, and you put it to fine use in this poem.  
 
I found the poem hilarious from start to finish, most notably this stanza: 
 
May skits cam hantle oot yer airse! 
An’ plooks brierd on yer tadger! 
May rochians mony a skelpin gie ye! 
Y’ell no fecht back A’ll wager! 
 
Also, I hadn't heard nor read the word 'oxters' in a while and had to give a little chuckle there too.  
 
KevG 
liked the acid
Written by kevinrobson73 (441 comments posted) 9th April 2007
didnae understand each word but understood it as a piece of venom well done

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