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| Molly Arbuckle-- The Aftermath | |
| By Bottleblondesurfer | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 22 August 2006 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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For every action there is an equal and opposite re-action--Newton's law of motion Sorry if this appears a bit rushed I wanted to get it as close to givitsums story as possible as follow-up reply. Molly awoke feeling ravenously hungry. She got out of bed still half asleep and said,“ I’ll get the tea, dear don’t you stir” It was then she realised there was no-one else in the bed . Her other half was now in quarters in a one of those large black bin liners thoughtfully provided by the council. So it was breakfast for one, then. Still dopey she went down stairs and got the bread and went to pop it in the toaster. “Bugger” she said irritated at the inconvenience and went upstairs and hoiked the toaster out of the bath. She carried the dripping appliance down to the kitchen and plugged it in. It crackled and sparked and with a bang it went dead. She couldn’t understand, it had come with a lifetime guarantee, mind you, she philosophically, thought it didn’t say whose lifetime and her husband’s had just ended. She was a frugal woman and hated waste; in fact her husband was the only thing she had wasted in the last 20 years. She knew a little shop that did repairs quite cheaply. The owner of the repair shop gave her a smile as she walked in. He knew most people in the locality. Yorkshire women always preferred to get things repaired than buy new. He could rely on their thriftiness. “Good morning Mrs Arbuckle how can I help” “It’s my toaster, shoppie, it’s conked out”, She took it out of the bag and plonked it on the counter. He picked it up and water trickled out of the bottom. “I think I can see the cause” “I knew I could rely on you” “Its very wet” “Really, wet you say?” He tilted it and more water came out, “We do get terrible damp in the kitchen” she explained. “Well, of course that explains it, damp is bad for toasters” he said sponging down the counter. “Can it be fixed? I’d hate to lose it.” Oh, yes, no problem I’ve done it dozens of times. “Oh, that’s good I hate waste, so how much will it be?” “Well, about 10,000 pounds, should be ready next Tuesday” “What! I could get a new one in Asda for 8 pounds,how come?” “Well it’s 5.70 for the repair and 9994.30 not telling anyone, like the police for example, that you brought a toaster in, dripping wet and with human hair in the crumb tray” Molly thought for a moment, and with northern aplomb realised she was screwed. “Next Tuesday you say, will it be… “Good as new and spotlessly clean, no trace of water…. or anything. And for and for an extra 5000 we will come and pick up your old appliance and dispose of it. “I see” said Molly, as realisation dawned on her, “So you’ve done this before?” The man picked up the toaster and beckoned Molly to follow him into the back. He put the toaster on a shelf loaded with other toasters and fires and hairdryers. All small electrical appliances and all either wet or damp. He smiled and said. “It was soon after I moved to Yorkshire that I started to provide this service . I saw what the average Yorkshire man was like and knew it was only a matter of time before some woman, at the end of her tether, brought in an electrical appliance that… “Archie Shawcross?” asked Molly. The shopkeeper nodded. “Bert Napp?” another nod “ I thought I hadn’t seen them for a while” She remembered, “Ted Stafford?” The shopkeeper pointed to a Revlon Turbo hairdryer. “ Really? ...I’ve always wanted one of those” she said. “Very powerful” the keeper admitted, “he never felt a thing” “Pity”, said Molly “he was a bastard” “Have a word with Mrs Stafford she might do a swap” “Next Tuesday, you say, cheque all right?” “I’d rather cash” said the keeper. As Molly left he thought he should be moving on soon before the disappearance of the men-folk was remarked upon. Yorkshire was big county full of small towns and oppressed women.
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