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Molly Arbuckle-- The Aftermath
By Bottleblondesurfer
22 August 2006
For every action there is an equal and opposite re-action--Newton's law of motion
Sorry if this appears a bit rushed I wanted to get it as close to givitsums story as possible as follow-up reply.

Molly awoke feeling ravenously hungry. She got out of bed still half asleep and said,“ I’ll get the tea, dear don’t you stir” It was then she realised there was no-one else in the bed . Her other half was now in quarters in a one of those large black bin liners thoughtfully provided by the council. So it was breakfast for one, then. Still dopey she went down stairs and got the bread and went to pop it in the toaster.

“Bugger” she said irritated at the inconvenience and went upstairs and hoiked the toaster out of the bath. She carried the dripping appliance down to the kitchen and plugged it in. It crackled and sparked and with a bang it went dead. She couldn’t understand, it had come with a lifetime guarantee, mind you, she  philosophically, thought it didn’t say whose lifetime and her husband’s had just ended. She was a frugal woman and hated waste; in fact her husband was the only thing she had wasted in the last 20 years. She knew a little shop that did repairs quite cheaply.

 
The owner of the repair shop gave her a smile as she walked in. He knew most people in the locality. Yorkshire women always preferred to get things repaired than buy new. He could rely on their thriftiness.

“Good morning Mrs Arbuckle how can I help”

“It’s my toaster, shoppie, it’s conked out”, She took it out of the bag and plonked it on the counter. He picked it up and water trickled out of the bottom.

“I think I can see the cause”

“I knew I could rely on you”

“Its very wet”

“Really, wet you say?”
 He tilted it and more water came out, “We do get terrible damp in the kitchen” she explained.

“Well, of course that explains it, damp is bad for toasters” he said sponging down the counter.

“Can it be fixed? I’d hate to lose it.”

Oh, yes, no problem I’ve done it dozens of times.

“Oh, that’s good I hate waste, so how much will it be?”

“Well, about 10,000 pounds, should be ready next Tuesday”

“What! I could get a new one in Asda for 8 pounds,how come?”

“Well it’s 5.70 for the repair and 9994.30 not telling anyone, like the police for example, that you brought a toaster in, dripping wet and with human hair in the crumb tray” Molly thought for a moment, and with northern aplomb realised she was screwed.

“Next Tuesday you say, will it be…

“Good as new and spotlessly clean, no trace of water…. or anything.  And for and for an extra 5000 we will come and pick up your old appliance and dispose of it.

“I see” said Molly, as realisation dawned on her, “So you’ve done this before?”

The man picked up the toaster and beckoned Molly to follow him into the back. He put the toaster on a shelf loaded with other toasters and fires and hairdryers. All small electrical appliances and all either wet or damp. He smiled and said.  “It was soon after I moved to Yorkshire that I started to provide this service . I saw what the average Yorkshire man was like and knew it was only a matter of time before some woman, at the end of her tether, brought in an electrical appliance that…

“Archie Shawcross?” asked Molly. The shopkeeper nodded. “Bert Napp?” another nod

“ I thought I hadn’t seen them for a while”

 She remembered, “Ted Stafford?” The shopkeeper pointed to  a Revlon Turbo hairdryer. “ Really? ...I’ve always wanted one of those” she said.

“Very powerful” the keeper admitted, “he never felt a thing”

“Pity”, said Molly “he was a bastard”

“Have a word with Mrs Stafford she might do a swap”

“Next Tuesday, you say, cheque all right?”

“I’d rather cash” said the keeper.
 As Molly left he thought he should be moving on soon before the disappearance of the men-folk was remarked upon. Yorkshire was big county full of small towns and oppressed women.

 
 

Reviews
The fixer
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 22nd August 2006
I am glad for her sake she had one . 
 
But perhaps rather than lose ten thousand pounds , a Yorkie lady might contrive..... 
 
patterjack  
Poerty in Motion
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 22nd August 2006
Oh Jane. You really do make me laugh sometimes. I think if it wasn't for you and Chris, visiting this site wouldn't be half as much fun. You and he both have put a little of the fizz and fireworks back into the writing around here. Moreover the concept that the mutual pig sticking can be seen in terms of Newtonian Physics is one I applaud. Good amusement. 
 
Sorry I haven't time to toss my hat into the ring. I'm having my lunch at the moment in the midst of a film script on Oliver Cromwell [My first ].Nice to get a bit of light relief. My compliments to you. 
 
Slan! 
 
Slan!
Hilarious
Written by Leigh (254 comments posted) 22nd August 2006
A very satisfying sequel in which you stick very closely to Givitsum's matter of fact style. Good to see Molly here is not the doormat one might imagine from the previous story. 
 
I laughed at Molly being "irritated at the inconvenience" of not having the toaster to hand because it's still in the bath where it was used as a murder weapon, and wondering why said toaster should not work despite its lifetime guarantee.  
 
Like the way too Molly is so thrifty she would rather try and get the thing repaired than dispose of it and the incriminating evidence it contains (though this backfires as she will ultimately end up paying £10,000 for the shopkeeper's silence)! 
 
Excellent dark humour.
Top trump
Written by Leo (573 comments posted) 22nd August 2006
Mrs B, 
 
I am so in awe of your ability to produce such high quality writing. And double awaed by the speed with which you post your ripostes to others. As GC alluded to, you and Givitsum are the sites life force.  
 
Live long and prosper.
Hi BBS
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 22nd August 2006
It's all been said. 
 
It stands alone very well, 
 
Brian.
Touche
Written by givitsum (651 comments posted) 22nd August 2006
I'd have been disappointed had you not picked up the gauntlet BBMac, and you did so with your usual aplomb. 
 
Not sure where this racist notion that Yorkshire folk are thrifty? I never thought I'd see you stooping to such levels! As a man of 100% Yorkshire extraction, I will be writing to my MP, Mr. Amritraj. 
 
My heroine! 
 
Givitsum.
Yorkshire
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 22nd August 2006
My grandmother ( she worked for Minton in Stoke ) had a mug that in childhood fascinated me. 
 
On one side it had a set of heraldic arms: its Motto : Qui capit , il habet. Translated below it as : Cop t'lot , and stick  
 
On the other side was a yokel with pitchfork in one hand and a foaming pint in the other -- saying ; 
 
'ere's to me an my wife's 'usband , not forgettin' mesen .  
 
As well was the advice See all , hear all , say nowt . Drink all , sup all , pay nowt  
 
Not that I personally have ever found Yorkshire folk to be near ! 
Hats Off
Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 22nd August 2006
The revelation by the shopkeeper hit me like 'Woah'.  
 
"Well it’s 5.70 for the repair and 9994.30 not telling anyone"...hahaha...Great Stuff BBS...as always..floored by your writing. 
 
Regards, 
TT
Hi BBS
Written by jean.day (2387 comments posted) 23rd August 2006
You do have a talent for writing the extra quick comeback. I really enjoyed this. But its a shame she had to pay up for what was really an act of kindneess to the world.
Keeping it goin'
Written by coosh (923 comments posted) 23rd August 2006
And they say sequels are just moneyspinners. I thought this took the story up a notch, or branched it out, in a "Ripping Yarns" kind of way. I like the sentence about "repairs" following the one about "wasting her husband" - and the idea of a combined electrical appliance mender and body disposal expert is good. You two should submit it as a mini-series to Yorkshhire TV... or Lancashire TV.
Brilliant
Written by wattle (117 comments posted) 24th August 2006
BBS 
 
What a magical storyteller you are. I can see a message in there for me, I’m going to be a pro-active, passive husband starting now. Have to go it’s bin night and I must do it before the look. (‘She’ purchased a larger toaster just last week) ---- wattle
Wonderful
Written by mishmish (389 comments posted) 24th August 2006
Jane, this was just great! Rushed...God, if this is you rushed, I can't wait to see something you've taken time on...This is was bloody brilliant and a perfect continuation to Gvtsm. 
 
Had me laughing...(something I need believe me!) 
 
looking forward to reading more... 
 
Best wishes 
 
mish x
Witty repartee
Written by Gill21 (566 comments posted) 25th August 2006
Fantastic! Could stand by itself well yet works brilliantly as its intended 'repartee'. 
Next!.....

Written by Kathy (220 comments posted) 4th March 2007
What can I say that others haven't? I found this really funny and I just love your sense of humour... off to read some more! 
Kathy

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