This is a small scene/section of the first draft of a film script on which I shall be working for the rest of the year. ' God's Englishman ' [ Based on the work of Christopher Hill ] explores the personal life of Oliver Cromwell and examines how a generous, idealistic and visionary young man became the dreadful butcher of Drogheda. Without wishing to flatter the film's makers I feel it has a considerable resonance for events today. Power corrupts. But religion does it faster. And better. Cromwell, however, was a most complex and contradictory character given much to external outburst of impatient pragmatism matched by dark, introverted and solitary musings.
It is critical to understanding the small scene below to know that the young Cromwell, a landowner and intending lawyer at Cambridge, earned the nickname ' Tom Guinea ' amongst his tenants for his efforts to assist their burdens by introducing cheap ' Guinea ' rents. The scene is set much later in the film after the seige of Drogheda [Tredah ] during his Irish campaign. The slaughter is remembered even to today for its brutality and remained forever a slur upon the otherwise good reputation of the Parliamentry Armies. It is said that Cromwell was haunted by it for all his life.
It goes without saying this is written to be spoken. As detailed in my brief from the film's producers I have written Cromwell's longer speeches hard to punctuation by the line. It is up to the actor and Director how they are played in filming. I hope that does not interfer with the read. To this end I have removed some of the obfuscating stage directions and all camera instructions.
Some of you have asked me what a professional writer does all day. I hope this may shed some light. This is my first visit to the Drama Site.
' This is a righteous judgement of God upon these barbarous wretches. It will tend to prevent effusion of blood for the future, which are satisfactory grounds to such actions, which otherwise cannot but work remorse and regret....'
OLIVER CROMWELL REPORTING ON HIS IRISH CAMPAIGN TO THE COUNCIL OF STATE SEPTEMBER 16, 1649
DROGHADA [TREDAH ]. CROMWELL'S BILLETED HEADQUARTERS IN THE
MAYOR'S MANSE. SUNRISE THROUGH A SILVER BUT GREYING EAST OF
IRELAND CLOUDLINE. A SHARP BREEZE IS EVIDENT. CROMWELL IS STOOD
IN A CLOSED ROOM TO THE RIGHT OF ITS DOOR, FACING AN OPEN
WINDOW TO THE COURTYARD BELOW. HIS HIGHER PROFILE IS REFLECTED
IN A GILT RIMMED PIER GLASS STRUNG FROM A RAIL AROUND THE WALL.
TO HIS REAR IS A TABLE ON WHICH LIES HIS DOUBLET AND PISTOL.
BEHIND HIM DIRECTLY A FULL LENGTH ROBING MIRROR. BY THIS DEVICE
HE SPEAKS, CAUGHT IN THE FIRST MIRROR, HIS REFLECTION ADDRESSING
HIMSELF IN THE SECOND. AS HE LOOKS OUT THE WINDOW IT IS HIS SIDE
PROFILE CAST IN BOTH. HIS HANDS ARE CLASPED BEHIND HIS BACK IN
CLASSIC POSE OF PENSIVENESS.TOSSED BY AN IRRITABLE GUST SPECKS
OF SWIRLING STUBBLE FLICK INTO THE ROOM.
Cromwell. See Heaven frowns,
And bids the wind through the barley.
It scatters fleck about the flagstones
And sweeps chaff tumbling by the chase.
Thereto is hoist notice the storm is abrupt.
[HE NODS TO HIMSELF ]
Shall I not grieve shelter?
Who drive God's bellows to wreak a hot and hissing tempest on this land?
Wherefore now authority,
To draw on leniency set loose to do it's mischief?
But there is comfort in the discharge of a troublesome turd.
For now...
DRUM BEATS IN THE COURTYARD TO HERALD APPROACHING RIDERS
WHOSE HORSES HOOVES ARE HEARD CLATTERING THE COBBLES.
CROMWELL REMAINS MOTIONLESS. HE CONTINUES.
It is a cute and cunning creature
That contrives to look up its own arse.
[THREE BEATS. HE SMILES ALMOST SADLY]
Aye and courageous too.
Why, a thing of such sure intent could bend
And snap its neck with so much introspection!
Goodly then, and Go to! For when Mars goads,
From atop the next hillock,
Bullying conscience is the first to fall.
FOOTSTEPS AND VOICES WITHOUT. LOUD FIST UPON DOOR. CALL FROM
WITHOUT.
Guard. Escort from the line. My Lord Cromwell your soon'st attention!
Cromwell. [ FIVE BEATS. CROMWELL CONTINUES TO LOOK OUT THE WINDOW] Give
passage. And enter!
THE DOOR OPENS AND A MESSENGER ENTERS THE ROOM. A YOUNG
DRAGOON CARRYING HIS HEMLET. HE STANDS BETWEEN THE TABLE AND
THE SECOND ROBING MIRROR AND BLOCKING THE SECOND MIRROR HE
NOW REPLACES CROMWELL'S OWN SECOND IMAGE IN THE FIRST
MIRROR ON THE WALL. CROMWELL REMAINS WITH HIS BACK TO HIM
AND SPEAKS TO THE WALL MIRROR. HE CONDUCTS THE ENTIRE
EXCHANGE THUS POSITIONED.
Messenger. My Lord Cromwell. By the Grace of God, the compliments of General
Ireton. It is his quick'st most urgent wish he should be of your order for
the dispatch of the dead.
Cromwell. The dead?
Messenger. The fallen, My Lord Cromwell. Friend and foe alike. General Ireton awaits
on your instruct to be informed how so and in what manner we shall do
with the cadavers.
Cromwell. Your name soldier?
Messenger. Thomas Guinea, Sir.
Cromwell. [ HE SMILES AND RAISES HIS EYEBROWS IN APPRECIATION ] A fine
name. And your attachment?
Messenger. By the Will of God, My Lord Cromwell, one given to the service of the
Parliament, a Dragoon in the Raised Horse of His Grace, the Duke of
Manchester.
Cromwell. Ha! Old Montague! I knew him one day. When he was a man. As too so
was I. Afore war's whore made blasphemy's bastard children of us all. Is he
well?
Messenger. He has carried his wounds to front. But no let of blood will bow him till
God's work now be done.
Cromwell. God's work!? Ah. Yea! Now there's fodder for hungry agitation. I know of
God's work. I have witnessed it to hand when it was afoot. Mark me God's
work will gorge itself and ere it be slaked have dead bodies stacked high
as to be topped with rooks' nests. Is it not so?
Messenger. It palls me My Lord, to hear you sound so roughly of our purpose. Shall
we not be about our business guided by Him in whose name we are all
made whole and who is the author of all purpose.
Cromwell. A much guided reply. But to purpose upon purpose here. Tell me Thomas
Guinea of His Grace the Duke of Manchester's Horse, what do men as
normal do with dead bodies?
Messenger. They are to be buried, My Lord Cromwell. As befits all Christian men, in
the hope of Resurrection and the Life of the World to come. By the Word
of Our Soverign Lord, Jesus Christ.
Cromwell. Therefore bury them Thomas Guinea. What need have you of my instruct
when you have so lofty a master?
Messenger. May it please My Lord Cromwell. General Ireton's compliments. But I am
to impart to you that the Papish armies have reformed themselves at
Wicklow. It is My Lord General Ireton's soon'st urge to be about them
with least delay. Thus, by His Cross, under which we all do serve, our
victory may be sweet'st effected.
Cromwell. So soldier. Shall I countermand The Almighty? Go to ! Look at me, Thomas
Guinea. What Do you see?
Messenger. May it please My Lord Cromwell, I see at once our Chief of Men.
Cromwell. You do?....By Christ's Bowels.... Mmmm. Then look again soldier. See the
grizzle on my face? Do not you see a Hired Hand ? ... Or maybe ...a
Farmer?
Messenger. Indeed a Farmer. Much given to the harvest of souls, by the Will of our
Soverign Master.
Cromwell. Oh! I pray you boy.
Mistake me not for the Mondayish Parson
Whose teeth clatter like a giddy ape,
Shook all with God's righteousness!
To naught but gouge out and garner in good opinion!
And all to promote the office of a sliding viper?
Messenger.Then hold to, My lord. Let the Parson leaven our resolve with his
blessing. But for a farmer, a farmer it shall be. Let us agree on that.
Cromwell. And would not any farmer split sinews, and in every arm
To fetch his least and barren cow from a ditch? Yea.
Was I not one once who would forsake a supper to do so?
Leave his fondest rumbling in belly and awaiting grace?
And for what? An act of mercy to a beast?
Now am I given governance o'er the quick and the dead.
Shall I be as the heathen Mohammedan?
He that would string up his fellows, doused in pig fat
To rot unburied betwixt heaven and hell? By the Mass!
Is this the enbranglement we are brought to,
Setting brother at his brother's neck?
And all for what!? The benediction of a pious adder!!
Messenger. We have taken up arms for law, Sir. And thereby to be governed.
Cromwell. Law!!? Ah! Yea. Law. I was too a lawyer once.
Yet have you not heard?
They are a snivelling race of shiprats
That have design of the Devil's Darning Needle.
What need have we of armament when, with pen and parchment,
We may twist the world around a toothpick!
Why give me quill and I shall straighten every bent an knuckled bark
In the whole Forest of Hades!
Who is that man of law?
None but one who would skin the infant's kitten
And all to make for himself a purse!
Go to Thomas Guinea!
I'll lend no limb of my authority to this.
Messenger. May it please My Lord Cromwell, it is written ' You would have no authority
were it not given you from above'.
Cromwell. Ha! Yea and thrice times.
There speaks youth with it's Bible.
I am grown too large for deceiphering small letters.
Look, I am a soldier now.
Authority is packed within a holster.
It comes neat and pretty and for speedest effect.
Upon the table. What calls your eye?
Messenger. A coat of leather. And a pistol, My Lord Cromwell.
Cromwell. A leather coat, Aye. But a pistol!? No pistol there
But only lies my authority. Made of wood and metal!
Given by God!? No, no. No such grand annointment.
Rather fashioned by some cursing smith upon an English village green.
Go to Thomas Guinea. Gaze upon its silver dash.
Feel with what favour he has formed its gaunt and violent beauty.
For a Farmer? Or a Man of Law? Yea? By His Wounds!
Cast your ear on the chattering flurry. Hear!
Every Farmer is a Lawyer now. And each Attorney is at Soldiering.
So shall we be governed by rude embellishment
And well tutored gunfire. There's a Parliament, fo' sooth.
Yet since it is th' latter answers my command
The Parliament may kiss both butts of Mistress Meg Gonightly!
There is my authority!!! [ POINTS BACKWARDS WITH FINGER OF
RIGHT HAND].
What need I parlay when thus armed and armoured
I AM THE PARLIAMENT!!
Messenger. Then shave the years from your substance and set present semblence
aside, My Lord. Put your faith in Him who made you. For you gave order
to our tussle as from your earliest you were steadied by that
same trust He who made us all has placed on you
Cromwell. So I was and am now, Thomas Guinea.
And yet do all times trust in Him.
But yet also cock the musket
And keep a powder horn safe by.
There's trust for you soldier. A soldier's trust
[ CROMWELL STIFFENS AS THOUGH SHAKING HIMSELF AWAKE ]
Enough! Wordish babble trips duty's stride!
Necessity needs no blustering shamble
But to make fools of us all.
There will be no women's lacey banter!
Here is my instruct! Alarm! Avant!
All to horse and fast to heel!
Let the dead bury the dead!
And now be soon'st to our bless'd friend and brother Henry Ireton.
Direct him he be stout about the ungodly,
Swift as upon Sennacharib's hoard!
Admonish him he leave no man stood under the sky
Yet he be of our persuasion.
Let the falcon fall and fiercest feast upon it's fleeing prey!
Messenger. Your instruct is with me My Lord Cromwell.
[EXIT MESSENGER ].
Cromwell.
[ TURNING TO THE ROBING MIRROR WHICH IS NOW EMPTY OF ANY
IMAGE BUT HIS OWN. HE IS ALMOST TEARFUL]
What! Gone so soon Tom Guinea!?
How youth dissolves at a shivering pace
To the wracked image that is caged here.
I was him. Till the vile spoor of age grew
And sowed me with so cantankerous a spirit
Whipped by the leathern tongues of conflict, so severe,
I can as not scarce answer mine own inditements.
SOUND OF HORSES ONCE AGAIN IN THE COURTYARD BELOW. CROMWELL
STIRS HIMSELF FROM PENSIVENESS AND TURNS TO THE DOOR WHICH IS
CLOSED.
Guard!! What's without?
Guard. [ ENTERS ]. May it please My Lord Cromwell. An Escort from the line. A
messenger from General Ireton. He begs to be informed what's to be done
with the dead?
Cromwell. [ STARES UNCOMPREHENDING AT THE GUARD ] Am I took mad soldier?
Guard. Good, My Lord?
Cromwell. Have I not a motion since furnished one just so with my command?
Guard. [ APPEARS MYSTIFIED ]. May it please My Lord, I know of none such.
Cromwell. A moment past. The youth. Thomas Guinea!
Guard. Youth, My Lord? No one has passed by here as I have stood
a full two hours Watch.
CROMWELL TURNS AND IN DOING SO CATCHES SIGHT OF HIMSELF AGAIN
IN THE MIRROR. THREE BEATS, HIS FACE TAKES ON A WRY SMILE.
Cromwell. Kiss me Guardsman. And address my doublet. And, Aye. Fasten me my
gun, whereso it can be handily had. Go to.
[THE GUARD EMBRACES CROMWELL AND BEGINS TO DRESS HIM].
Wherefore you are done, pen me then words and have them took to
General Ireton at suite.
' Gentlemen and Soldiers. All Christendom knows your quarrel is good. So
let your manhood be judged by rush of pike. If you do so, by God's
assistance and the intercession of His Blessed Mother and all the Holy
Saints in Heaven and th' Elect upon this earth, victory will be His crowning
glory......
[ THREE BEATS ] .....
Aye and recall. Do not give fire until a Shaft's length.....'
[FADES ]
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a hopeful promise
Written by patterjack (1067 comments posted) 23rd August 2006 |
I need some time to think about this , Gerard , but I will do my best within the next week to comment via an email.
As an ex-actor/producer of sorts , I need time , space and solitude to attempt to work on it by declamation. Even so , I am more likely to make my comments literary if that is the right word,
Should I fail in making the attempt , let me at least make a first observation --
it is bloody powerful !
Patterjack
|
a hopeful promise
Written by patterjack (1067 comments posted) 23rd August 2006 |
I need some time to think about this , Gerard , but I will do my best within the next week to comment via an email.
As an ex-actor/producer of sorts , I need time , space and solitude to attempt to work on it by declamation. Even so , I am more likely to make my comments literary if that is the right word,
Should I fail in making the attempt , let me at least make a first observation --
it is bloody powerful !
Patterjack
|
cor
Written by patterjack (1067 comments posted) 23rd August 2006 |
Got overexcited and doubled the comment -- still , it doubles the force of that last line !
patterjack |
Valued
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 23rd August 2006 |
Many thanks Brian.
I would truthfully value your comments. I notice that for a reason ' whereof I know not' a few lines of the ending were ommitted. I have reinstated them.
This is of course, again, a draft. It will alter immeasurably between now and celuloid, so to speak. Filming is due to commence in the Spring of next year.
Best regards,
Slan! |
Opportunity.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 24th August 2006 |
I almost forgot Brian. Yes. Of course. You have theatrical blood in your veins so your comments would be doubly welcome.
It's a great shame this Drama site doesn't get used more often. Members are always commenting on how to secure a hearing in professional circles. Over 50% of new initiatives/openings are in Drama. It's no accident that the only two sucesses in the real world I know of from Great Writing, Woody and Bagheera, both posted through the Drama Site.
Slan! And again thanks for the offer. [All three of them ] |
For what it's worth....
Written by LynB (433 comments posted) 24th August 2006 |
I've just finished reading this, and found that I couldn't tear myself away from it. You have such a powerful, dramatic way of writing, that I can imagine the scene in my head. There is a lot I could learn from you.
A professional writer like yourself probably wouldn't give a rat's behind about the opinion of an amateur like myself, but you were kind enough to review a chapter of my work, so I wanted to return the favour!  |
Most kind.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 24th August 2006 |
Hello Lyn.
It's worth a lot, Lovely Girl. You do yourself a disservice. I always appreciate comments. Many thanks.
When I have a spare moment I will have a look through your work again. I notice you are always busy on Extended.
Slan! |
the rel thing
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3138 comments posted) 24th August 2006 |
Firstly congratulations on the commission. We’ve had glimpses of what you can do but this was really letting rip and what a verbal tour-de –force it was. After a while I could hear it in my head, I don’t know if he did talk like that and I don’t really care, that was the man talking for me. Good to read something like that and also a little disheartening when you realise that’s what you have to do to be a pro. One thing though Gerard what is a clean limbed, fine up-standing Irish lad doing writing about Cromwell. If there’s one man universally hated there it must be him. I admire your restraint.
Fabulous stuff
Cheers
BBS
|
Just to say...
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 24th August 2006 |
Enthralling...I have a great big soft spot for things historical and this hit it big time! Just a shame it had to end. I particularly liked the use of Thomas Guinea.
Amazing,
Elli |
The Play's the Thing...
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 24th August 2006 |
Thank you Jane. You really are most kind, and notably someone from whom I value comment.
Again this is a Draft in preparation.
I don't usually make allusions to contemporary events, but the more I look to tease out the minutiae of Cromwell's life and the world 'turnred on it's axis' in which he lived, the more I am drawn to parallels with the power brokers of our own day.
I absoutely hate being preached at by an author; but I do believe those who ignore history are truely bound to repeat it. Religious fanaticism; bloodshed; wars against the other man's God; intolerance... where have you heard all that before?
I'll leave the 'play' to make the point. I think art does make you think.....If you do think at all, that is...I can afford to say that because I know you do.
Many thanks again.
Slan! |
Written by Phil (6393 comments posted) 24th August 2006 |
| Great |
Effusiveness beyond all expectation
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 24th August 2006 |
My Dear Phil.
What can I say but that I am overcome with your expansive, eloquent and erudite response!
Serously.Thanks Phil. God bless. And I will look up something of yours over the next few days and hopefully reply in kind. But maybe just a tad longer. Mind you, they do say brevity is the soul of wit and I just feel you may have proved them right!!
Slan! |
Wow!!
Written by Bagheera (679 comments posted) 24th August 2006 |
Gerald, this is sooooooooo powerful!
I like the way you alternate between blank verse and rhythmic speeches (in Cromwell's character) - the longer speeches lend themselves perfectly as vehicles for formal, rhythmic declamations (as opposed to short
[ =prose] dialogue).
I've a lot of ground to cover before I can stand in the corner and watch a master such as yourself at work, I think!
|
Phew!
Written by woody44 (761 comments posted) 24th August 2006 |
This is indeed powerful stuff Gerard. It certainly hits one between the eyes and brings it home what levels are needed in the `professional` game. I am at present reading about the Tradescant family of plant hunters and how their lives were touched by the Civil War, so this piece added another powerful dimension. Will the film be a cinema release Gerard or a made-for-tv piece? I am sure the story is made for the big screen but with the parlous state of the British film industry, well I just wondered. Can`t say much more, only to wish you all the very best with the project - hope to see your name up there on the credits in due course!
happy writing
woody |
In Awe...
Written by mishmish (389 comments posted) 24th August 2006 |
This was totally mind-blowing! I loved every minute of it! I don't know a thing about script-writing, I've never done it, so I guess my comments don't really count, but I was in totally in awe of the magic you created in this piece.
It was visual and visceral in one in hit! Truly powerful stuff...
Fantastic!
Best wishes
mish x |
In awe
Written by Phil (6393 comments posted) 24th August 2006 |
Sorry about the brevity. I'm very new to the site and still finding my way - although I have decided to attempt to comment on all I read.
Frankly, I'm a little in awe. God's Englishman is far beyond any small talent I may or may not have. I really did like the piece; its language, but particularly, its structure.
Forgive my timidity,
Phil. |
Gratitude.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 24th August 2006 |
Hello Elli.
And many thanks for your kind words.
I shall see if I can root out something of yours to comment on. Hopefuly it's something totally different from the sort of thing I write. Thus the world goes round.
Slan! |
The Real Thing
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 24th August 2006 |
Hello Michelle.
Many thanks for your comments. They are appreciated.
Although scripting is different from mainstream prose writing,ie it pre supposes a different mind set, it is certainly not exclusive and any writer with sound technique should be able to do it. I say that since I know you are keen to find yourself a hearing for your work beyond simple amateur encouragement [ positive thought that may be]. Drama scripts as I am sure I am in danger of repeating ad nauseam are the most popular and successful points of first entry for amateurs writers to professional writing, 'the real thing'. This is because opportunities for drama proliferate more than any other catagory.
You should think about the possibilities. Maybe even cut your teeth by posting something here where you will be guarenteed a hearing and constructive criticism. |
Succinct masterpiece?
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 24th August 2006 |
Ta Phil.
I appreciate you taking time to expand upon your succinct masterpiece!? You comments are very welcome. I will certainly be paying your postings a visit to return any helpful comments I can. I also like someone who enjoys a teasing joke.
Slan!
PS I notice you are a teacher. As was I once so, so many years [and tears ] ago. |
Your Highness
Written by givitsum (651 comments posted) 25th August 2006 |
My friend, in the style of Phil and Mango, I shall offer the following only:
Superb!
Don't really need to say anymore.
Chris |
Of Course.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 25th August 2006 |
Thanks Chris.
Iwould have accepted nothing less from one so eloquent as yourself.
But Mango...Ah. His passing is too hard to bear. Come to think of it he has probably been posting hundreds of masterworks but like the dog whistle we don't get to hear about it.
Slan! |
Thanks Woody.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 25th August 2006 |
Hello Woody.
Many thanks for your kind words. I'm glad you liked it.
I hope it persuades others to patronise the Drama Scripts Site. It's undervalued and under utilised. But as you know to your advantage, it's offering the quickest entre into professional writing.
Send me a postcard from Hollywood -or Holyrood- or whatever the performance is !
Slan! |
Thanks Bags.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 25th August 2006 |
Many thanks Paul.
As with Woody, I value your regard.
Thanks also for your PM. I promise I will make a few enquiries further to Peer n Ed in Edinburgh. My old Editor from Hodder, Monica Dyer, is there and she sticks her [ enormous] nose into everything. I'll give a ring/e-mail . Hope this encourages more members to make use of this site. To be truthfull if I were a publisher/agent sniffing aroung this would be the first place I would look. Drama scripting tell you so much about writing ability.
Slan! |
APB
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 25th August 2006 |
To all of you who have sent me a private message lately thanks and I will reply and try to answer any questions I can as soon as possible
Regards. |
God's Englishman
Written by MikeMorris (106 comments posted) 25th August 2006 |
Out Macken's Walter Macken!
My gran's worse expletive was "You bloody lobsterback" and for the truly damned, "The curse of Cromwell on your seed, breed and generation"
Thank the Lord for ecumenism.
|
Matchless expletives.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 25th August 2006 |
Where would the world be be without your Gran, Mike. I suppose she kept handguns in the larder and detonators in her drawers box. Hey! What are Granparents for!? If not to spoil you. Actually I've never heard of either expression. Learn something every day. And so the same world goes round.
Thanks for the comment.
Slan! |
Written by patterjack (1067 comments posted) 27th August 2006 |
|
Second try at a review
Written by patterjack (1067 comments posted) 27th August 2006 |
I've read this work several times now and remain as impressed as I was the first time . There is a raw power in it --whether because of the writing or the subject is a bit difficult to determine . It is my firm belief that content and expression should in the end be inseparable , complementary parts of a whole. However , in this case it seems that the expression is what is gripping me because I cannot comment on the content historically -- I am simply not knowledgeable enough , even after a lot of googling .
Nor can I comment on the filmic or television technicalities-- I have always been more of a stage actor and producer.
What I can say is that I think the use of the mirror is brilliant -- ( I am a fan of whatever looks like doppelganger material ) and though I can see possibilities of using it in a stage production , it's a bit irrelevant to comment upon it here except to say that I can see that the mirroring of the actor is strongly reinforcing the mirroring of the events in Cromwell's life.
So what does that leave me ? Carping criticism about spelling , ? punctuation ? word usage ? style ?
All right -- a carp : I am amazed at the number of onsite writers who misspell its , the possessive pronoun . That spelling I just typed is its correct form , and to be forever substituting in one's mind it is when reading it's used as a possessive frustrates the old English teacher that I am . But leave it , Brian , leave it to the subeditors.
Leave punctuation as well -- see my own Village stuff for bad punctuation !
Word use and sentence construction : It's hardly possible to throw off the influence of Cromwell's own word use and style ! If you want to know the man you should go to what he has left -- his deeds and his words , and look at the reIationship between them . Their congruity and/or incongruity is highly revelatory . I am willing to assert , though , that as this dialogue is being spoken by an actor it is still going to leave a lot of people with difficulties of comprehension because of its density -- from the very first speech found here as well as its imagery. The language of the time is a stumbling block to many modern readers . I certainly found that in parts it required more than a couple of readings
The conflation of the two siege events will probably be easier to follow in the fuller script.
It seems to me that the breaking up of lines so that they almost suggest blank verse is the dynamo of the piece.
( laughing homily placed here -- knock not the poor poet who strives to compress all thought and emotion into the least compass !!! )
Apart from the spelling of its , I don't think I'd have the hutzpah change anything -- and I look forward to hearing ( mentally ) more of the work .
Good health !
patterjack |
Exceptional response.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 27th August 2006 |
So many thanks Brian for a serious critique of this piece.I am certainly in your debt.
I take on board everything you mention and appreciate you taking the time to be so thorough. I will mull over the comments and respond at greater length as soon as I have a moment.
Thank you also for your PM.
Slan! |
Written by Gill21 (566 comments posted) 27th August 2006 |
You won't care what i think however i simply feel that after reading it, i cannot not comment on it.
It was amazing. The standard of it was mind blowing and this, i am most definately in awe of (like many things i have read here but this is no.1 at the momment).
A most beguiling read which, as nearly everyone has already said, i could see played out perfectly in my head. It was so strong it had the feeling of being performed, rather than just read. You obviously have a great talent for what you do.
Good luck with the rest of the script! |
I was touched..
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 27th August 2006 |
By what you wrote above. Believe me Gill when I say I appreciate anyone who has gone to the time and trouble to comment either positively or otherwise. They keep the site going and whatever one's status, it is always good to be noticed. The worst review is to be ignored. On which point I must return your kind favour. I did notice something of your's the other day based on something Ol' Seamus had penned. I'll look it up. Or anyhting else I can find. But not Children's. I got/had children. I don't feel I have any expertise in that field. But best of luck to those who have. They deserve the most fullsome praise.
Again many thanks.
Slan! |
Coming to a Cinema near you..
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 28th August 2006 |
Hello Brian. I noticed you were online so I thought I would post a reply now.
Firstly Ouch! Correct. IOOO lines for misuse of its/it's, It takes an old classics man to spot an assault on the possesive. I've left it so that other take your point.
As I mentioned in the PM the use of 17th century parlance is an issue at Director/Producer level. The poor old writer just does what he is told, until his cheque clears. However Gambon is in favour and I rather think someone of his gravitas will carry the day as he has finally to speak the lines, after all. Personally I stand by what I have written but your observation is a valid one and worth having.
Finally, yes I do have a sub to iron out the typos'spelling gaffes etc. Mind you that's no excuse for making the in the first place. Also she doubles as Senior Ed and is married to the Production Manager so not somebody I care to offend unless I want to be scheduled to sit all the early morning shoots.
I also have a Researcher. Franky the less said about that bosthoon the better. I am on my way to making me first firing of my career.[ Usually it's me get's fired. ] Know anyone who wants a Staff Cinematic Researcher job?
Slan.
Oh PS. I was looking for the patrimony of the expression 'Quis custodiet-[ipsos?] custodes'? and my imbecile Researcer came up with Tallyrand!! I thought it was Terence but I am not sure. Any thoughts?
Slan! |
Quis custodiet ipsos / Custodes?
Written by nascent (106 comments posted) 28th August 2006 |
A quick search provides Satire vi by Juvenal p347.
n |
Job Done!
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 28th August 2006 |
Nascent!! You a classics scholar! And here's me thinking you were just an Editor!!
Many thanks. I shall endevour to have your name on the credits.
I don't suppose you want to be a researcher too? Would you credit the bald headed ignorance of the smochroon!!
Even I know Tallyrand was an Irishman!
Slan!
|
Writ large..
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 28th August 2006 |
Ooops!
Just in case I get even more messages. That last was a joke, by the way.
Slan! |
Hi Gerard
Written by jean.day (2196 comments posted) 30th August 2006 |
| Every word was beautifully written and the whole thing was truely a work of art. I could visualise the scene so well - and felt like I was there watching. Very powerful. We are all in awe of your vast talent. Thank you for posting it. |
A compliment
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 31st August 2006 |
Many thanks Jean. Coming from you I take the above as a real compliment.
I can well understand you would like this kind of thing but it is still generous of you to say so.
For your information as an ' extended' prose writer yourself, the film is the most difficult thing I have ever tackled and is a story told ' back to front '. That is to say it begins with Cromwell's death [ Actually the disinternment of his body by the Restoration government and and his remains being tipped in the river]. It then develops backwards to a finale when, as an idealistic young man, Cromwell took his College Oath at Cambridge promising to ' ..make of all things a true goodness in thy name, O Lord...'
I still find it has a depressing relevence for the modern day emasculation of politics by religious fervour.
My compliments to you. |
Luvly...
Written by coosh (822 comments posted) 31st August 2006 |
In terms of content/style, I almost feel that I'm not really qualified to comment... other than to say that I was riveted from beginning to end. The word "powerful" has quite rightly been a popular reaction, but there's also something quite spooky in the resonance/echo of the words of this powerful man, as you portray him.
Really got the adrenalin flowing, and I completely forgot my train was still held up with a signal failure outside Warrington.
Now, call me a smart-arsed, dim-witted, finickety old gobshite but: "Power corrupts. But religion does it faster. And better". Faster and better than what? Isn't religion just a highly effective form of power...i.e. they're both the same thing - do you mean faster and better than, say, political power, corporate power, etc.?
Ma legs are open, waitin' for thee to Zidane me in the crotch.
|
A human tragedy.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 31st August 2006 |
Thank you coosh. And for your e-mail to which I will reply in detail as soon as I have a moment to give it the attention it warrants.
As for your question; of course religion may be seen as a another arm of temporal pwer. But Cromwell was a great deal more of a contorted and tortured soul simply to class as a religious zealot. As for so many of religious conviction, God was the engine of good as well as evil. And his power base was never sunk in the religious in fervour of evangelical or worse, Millenarian politics which he oftimes abhorred. The film quintessentially sets to unravel the tragedy of Cromwell the man; and only incidentally comments on the use/misuse of power. I made the obvious point as it seemed germaine given present day preoccupations.
My own impression for what it is worth is of an instinctively good man; but a militarist who found himself unable or unwilling to tresspass beyond pragmatism. Nothing more than that. I would certainly think that I as a writer had failed were people to see only historiography.
Again, thank you.
Slan! |
To all the GW reviewers.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 31st August 2006 |
I think it would be churlish of me not to admit that even leaving aside my personal replies, I remain aghast at the number of members who have taken the trouble to read and comment on what is in essence, a piece of historical drama in seventeeth century parlance. Perhaps I was wrong and you are not all a gaggle of half educated, illiterate and uncoth dunces after all.[ Only joking ] I meant semi educated. No really seriously : I am truly humbled.
On a more pertinent note there is a frank debate amongst the film's poobahs as to the wisdom of using such parlance. Your feedback has convinced me that it is no bar to comprehension. After all if you lot can understand and appreciate it, well...
Seriously so many thanks. This is the kind of assistance I joined this site for originally, despite enjoying a few recreational exchanges. I can't promise any credits but what you have all said really has been most valuable and is appreciated.
My fondest compliments to you all.
Slan! |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3138 comments posted) 31st August 2006 |
"debate amongst the film's poobahs as to the wisdom of using such parlance."
--Perhaps they couldn't understand an Irishman writing such beautiful English; cheeky buggers
Jane |
Written by Leo (573 comments posted) 31st August 2006 |
Having just ventured into the scripts room, i have only just had opportunity to get my head around this piece. It feels like i've just had a taste of what the serious grown ups do. So I'll slip out quietly.
In a word, 'magnificent'. |
And its Goodnight from her...
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 31st August 2006 |
Thank you Jane. I cannnot blame a woman in this case for wanting to have the last word!!
Slan! |
And its Goodnight from him...
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 31st August 2006 |
Thanks too Leo!
You comment is much appreciated.
Slan! |
Written by sasquatch (125 comments posted) 1st September 2006 |
I dont usually delve into this corner but ive got to say this is hugely impressive Gerard. Surely some of your best work. The prose and poetry of the dialogue is brilliantly done.
Hope it gets on the screen, I can pretend I was involved in the editing process!
Who do you think would make a good Cromwell?
Well done
Sasquatch
|
Dramatists Personae.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 1st September 2006 |
Thanks Sas.
The main parts are taken by Michael Gambon, Cromwell; and Alan Rickman, Charles Stuart., with Ciaran Hands as Ireton.
Slan!. |
Drama
Written by Fledermaus (3159 comments posted) 22nd October 2006 |
Drama's something to be seen and heard rather than read, and like some of the other people above I hardly ever visit this part of the site. Yet to ignore the most commented piece on this site would be rather foolish. Especially since you seem very proud of it, considering your frequents refferences to Oliver Cromwell.
I had to read this one twice in order to fully appreciate it. The first time, I have to admit, I read it in a hurry and Cromwell's language seemed pompous and exaggerated.
But when I read it a second time, and with more care, I could realy sense the 17th century conflict between protestantism and catholicism.
I have to admit that where my knowledge of Irish history is concerned, there is a huge gap between 1170 and 1916, but in a way this conflict was part of a much larger conflict, in which I can imagine commanders with an attitude similar to that of your Cromwell, except that they probably weren't so clearly English.
So as a reader, I realy had to read this carefully to see its beauty. But once I did, it felt like a very powerful piece that realy takes one to the scene. |
My compliments...
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 22nd October 2006 |
Thank you Fieldmouse.
I have been living with Cromwell for a long time now. Small wonder I could bore for England on the subject. The final script is due for delivery in the Spring of next year. I have found it the most challenging piece I have ever attempted. A good deal of the problem is how to present Cromwell. He was private and taciturn man; but given to passionate outburst. One of the most testing elements of the drama concerns relations between him and his wife, Elizabeth. The were profoundly in love with eachother, yet they come across in extant published and unpublished correspondance so cold and aloof.
I see you have some interset in history yourself. You will understand the problem os source material for the dramatist havige to balance historical accuracy as against dramatic imperatives. The good folk of this site have been most helpfull in commenting. It good to see you got the measure of the language. That was a big issue with he producers at the outset. For a while we dallied with adopting modern parlance. But decided otherwise. The reaction of yourself and many others makes me certain we made the correct decision.
Many thanks again for your kind words. I shall look up some more of your work as time allows.
Slan! |
Second thoughts
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3138 comments posted) 23rd January 2007 |
Hi Gerard, I’ve been reading this again after having accessed a few scripts on-line and been struck by couple of things; the fluency of the dialogue, a lot of the ones I’ve read have been quite sparse but here the amount and flow of the words carries you along and yet it didn’t seem wordy or obtuse. I’ve heard that these things are edited down and down. I’m not too sure what I’m trying to say except that this stands out from a lot of scripts that I have read as one that embraces verbosity but and revels in the words but keeps the narrative drive. I could imagine my self happily reading the whole thing but have given up on some of the scripts because the dialogue seemed to lack that dramatic pull. I’m getting really fascinated with dialogue in drama. And the other point was that your piece had few directions [and I remember you saying that drama was the direction of the spoken word] and yet it was a very visual and vivid piece I had no trouble visualising it in mind. Some scripts had lines of description leading to a couple of exchanges without the visual impact. Is it just down to knowing where to place and what to describe, it’s obviously very important. Anyway, sorry to ramble but these things have been going through my mind Oh and I saw this
“I know of God's work. I have witnessed it to hand when it was afoot.”
And I just wondered if it was a bit of devilment you sneaked in or Cromell’s attempt at wordplay humour, either way I liked it
I’ve taken you advice to heart and am concentrating on a short radio drama to try and get noticed. Woody and I both want to try and make a breakthrough this year
Hope all is going well with you
Jane
|
Religious Zealots.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 24th January 2007 |
Thank you Jane.
I have always appreciated and admired the willingness of those like Yourself, Woody, David, Phil, etc., to try your hands at scripting. Just as, conversely, I can never comprehend the mindset of those who stick up prose on a Script site and expect to be taken seriously. You have certainly produced some eye catching stuff. Believe me when I repeat it is the fastest and most common way into print.
As for God's Englishman, I am at present halfway through a number of scene re-writes. Filming commences in April. I will post something up if I can spare it before I finish which might help to answer some of the points you raise above.
As for the line you quote, it was a wry piece of humour. A reference to the murderous behaviour of certain platoons of Presbyterian zealots after Marston Moor.
Good luck with your own scripts. Do feel free to PM me if you need further advice of if I can be of help.
Slan!
PS In a nice twist of irony God's Englishman was of Welsh ancestry. |
Wow Gerard
Written by flook123 (35 comments posted) 6th February 2007 |
I thought Maire Lloyd was good but this is a class apart. I did not think people wrote drama like this anymore. It reminds me of when I first read Robert Bolt's Man for All Seasons. Like the others say, its the power of the language. In my opinion the most impressive piece of writing I have read on this site. Great Writing. The real thing.
Lance |
English Lesson
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 10th February 2007 |
Thank you Flook.
People do write in this vein, though all too sadly not too often on this site. You should think yourself what seventeenth century classic English literature has to teach you. A great deal more than ' Gladiator' I feel. Its so easy to write epic drama than amounts to nothing beyond trite, throwaway declamatory cliches and so much more difficult to reflect the impact of erstwhile mundane discourse, especially at the level of intimacy. No wonder Donne has stood the test of time so well.
In another incarnation and many years ago I used to hold a lectureship in Modern English Literature and I met Bolt and subsequently set his text for my students. It was popular.
My compliments to you, and Good Luck. |
Wow!
Written by stan (3 comments posted) 18th February 2007 |
I'm sorry I can't give much advice or such but I just wanted to say...well ''WOW!'' since I got into history about 3 years ago I've been intrigued by Oliver Cromwell and have been hoping for a somewhat historically accurate production of his life or aspects of it for a while. Ever since 'To Kill a King' left me a wee dissapointed I have been looking forward to something such as this. By the way, thankyou ever so much for your review of my Cromwell piece, it was an honour for an amateur historian such as myself to be reviewed by somebowdy who is capable of work such as this. I'm not to clear on what you said was happening with this, production wise but I wish you and this project the upmost luck. Finally somebody who is great at writing and clearly knows their history.
cheers. |
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 18th February 2007 |
Thank you Stan.
It was my pleasure to review you piece, amateur historian or no. I certainly felt your balanced view belied your age ; if I have it correctly.
Cromwell has suffered the denigration of history. It has been my experience that few if any of the myths surrounding him stand up to serious scrutiny. Alongside my own contribution, the TV historian David Starkie is embarked on a major reappraisal of his life and influence-- [Channel 4 for Spring next year I think ]. A good deal of the problem is that most primary sources have been intentionally destroyed, leaving only the subsequent less than dispassionate second hand evidence and the inventive slurs of Royalist malice to serve as his epitaph.
Other than King John, I can think of fewer English historical figures who have been so remorselessly and deliberately denigrated.
Slan!
|
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 18th February 2007 |
This popped up in my work awaiting review box and as I remembered enjoying it the first time around thought I'd have another read through.
I wasn't going to add to the comments already posted - as most of what one might want to say has already been said! However, one thing did strike me that I thought worth mentioning briefly and that's the richness of the language. It's such a relief to read pieces where the writer uses the breadth and depth of language that we have available. Now this may be a result of writing for the period so to speak but whatever, it is refreshing. As I'm currently struggling to capture an idiosyncratic (to say the least) speech style in an extended piece that feels more like a script at times I appreciated this snapshot of Cromwell all the more.
I'm beginning to ramble so I'll stop - I've said my piece. On a more mundane note even laying out a script like this on this site is a gargantuan task! Half an hour well spent which is more than can be said for some of what I've read around and about recently.
Cheers,
Elli |
Written by Marybarry (237 comments posted) 18th February 2007 |
Hi readers try reading Christopher Hill'S, version of God's Englishman.
Marybarry  |
Bless you, Elli.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 18th February 2007 |
Many thanks to you Elli.
You are most kind. The screenplay is now alll but completed and production is due to commence in a few months from now. The production company is busy recruiting 3000 extras!!
Language is everything, Ellie. Whatver the media, its the bottom line. [Its also why the Silents failed ]. My medium is the speaking voice. Different from narrative prose; or poetry. But immeasurably rewarding on first hearing. Wait till you hear your words spoken as I am sure you will one day!
When the script is canned I will post up some more so that anyone interested can mull over the outcome of nine years endevour. My job is all but done. I am moving on to a new project, Rotweiller Radio!
I will look up your prodigeous output as soon as I have time to do you justice. If you like, put up your piece and I'll give it a whirl
Great to hear from you!
Slan!
PS. Not too sure about Coventry City's new manager. Ian Dowie!? Good talker, but....!? |
nothing --
Written by fellpony (1507 comments posted) 18th February 2007 |
-- attracts attention like a good barney. And what a reward. I enjoyed seeing how a script can be constructed for film. I liked the device of the mirror and the use of "Tom Guinea" as alter ego, and I very much enjoyed the language, which has much power. Although most of my own work on here is short and tends to be for individuals to read, I hear and appreciate your prose for speech; which brings back pleasant memories of playing in Bolt's "Man for all Seasons" (though only as a very rank amateur.)
I hope the direction ultimately allows it to retain its power. |
Sue. Thanks for your candour.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 18th February 2007 |
Thank you Sue.
Since we both of us seem--as far as I can deceipher-- to inhabit differing parts of the site our paths have not crossed. But I am grateful for your comments.
The work is an enormous labour that has been nine years in getting off the ground. Its backers are the British Film Finance Corporation, Channel 4 and Richard Branson. Its producers are Seetec and Gabrail. Distribution will be via Channel 4.
It goes without saying that I have invested a great deal of my creative energy into this and it is therefore gratifying that others such as yourself feel that the little snippet I have posted retains the fullsome impact I intended. I will put something else up later to give a wider feel of the text. I am always interested in raw responses. It has always been an issue to set the text as in seventeenth century idiom. I wanted it. The producers agreed and it is good to have so many say they are not daunted by our determination to have a semblence of actual contemporary parlance as the basis of our script.
When I have a chance I shall look up something of yours and try to be equally helpful.
Slan!
PS As I mentioned above, I met Robert Bolt many years ago. He was a most charming individual quite dismissive of his own ability and celebrity. He was much more interested in talking about Chaucer! |
1000 Hits!
Written by flook123 (35 comments posted) 22nd February 2007 |
Hi Gerard.
I keep coming back to this. And getting more out of it. Exactly how does it fit into the screenplay? That is what is the angle of it? It says you are interested in Cromwell's early life so this must be towards the end? Also I see there have been over 1000 hits on this. Me and friends have read this and everyone agrees its so professional. Is there any chance you could post up some more?
Lance. |
Request.
Written by flook123 (35 comments posted) 7th March 2007 |
Hi Gerard.
I don't know if you are still visiting the site and I have sent you a PM but I would love to know as above if you are able to post up any more of this. Also whether it is OK for me to print this off to use in my script writing tutorials.
Lance |
Simply Stunning
Written by saracen (10 comments posted) 7th March 2007 |
Hello Gerard.
Lance above suggested I look up your work and having read this I am in awe of the power of your language. Lance is correct this is a masterly piece of scripting and so much in a class of its own above others around on the site. I would love to read more of your scripts as this kind of display from a modern writer is pretty absent from the course we are on. Is this actually being filmed now?
Love to know more.
Good wishes. |
Regret.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 7th March 2007 |
My thanks to you Lance. As I have said previously it is difficult for me to reproduce pieces here that are the subject of commercial copyright. If I have further redundant or discarded scenes from God's Englishman I will certainly, time permitting, post them and you are welcome to take from them what you will.
I regret I cannot say fairer than that.
Slan! |
My compliments
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 7th March 2007 |
Thank you Saracen.
Filming is due to commence in April, although we have already had one delay. As I have saisd to Lance due to commercial constraints it would probably be better if I posted up something, say, experimental, in its development stages for you to look at if you are still interested. This would be a project on which I and others are collaborating at present but is not yet taken by any production company, Rotweiller Radio. It is rather strong meat and I fear some of the luvvies on this site may not find it to their taste. But since commercial scripting is about pushing out the boundaries of , quite frankly, what you can get away with, I might just stick up a sampler and, like Samson in the Temple of Dagon, suffer the consequences. I have to be truthful and say that I have found tastes especially for Comedy on this otherwise wonderful site to be growing increasingly pedestrian. There is rather too much mutual backslapping for my liking. Like you I yearn to see something really raw and original instead of TV and radio retreads.
Slan! |
To Gerard
Written by saracen (10 comments posted) 8th March 2007 |
You seem to have lost your votes Gerard. I voted for you. I thought this was great.
Best wishes.
Julia. |
revisitation...........
Written by Bagheera (679 comments posted) 8th March 2007 |
It's so long since I read this through, I just re-read it and it's still as gripping as it was first time!
How's production coming along? And do you have time to speak to us mere mortals while taking this to another level?
Best of luck!
Paul |
Mindblowing!
Written by libbylaw (7 comments posted) 9th March 2007 |
gerardconnolly, I have just read this and think it fantastic. I see it is only a draft and I would love to see the finished article. I really liked the effect you created with the double mirrors. How clever! I can imagine how this would play out on stage, or screen. SPOOKY. But so dramatic. I will read it again and try to get inside the language, some of which I did not fully understand. But I do know that when you experience something in performance it is transformed from what appears on the page. i have tried writing playscripts myself but when I read this I am so jelous of your amazing command of dramatic language.
Great!
Libs. |
Thank you Paul.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 9th March 2007 |
Thank you for your comments Paul.
When I have a moment I shall e-mail you and bring you up to speed on this ongoing project. I am at Sydney Sussex at present preparing for filming amongst the Fenlands. As for the joys of being a filmwriter!!?? Its very like the words of Cromwell himself addressing his brother- in- law John Desborough in 1646 on the subject of his sister's acid tongue.
' Life!? Life, Sir! I shall tell you of life! It is alarm! All alarm by day. And by night fleas in your bed!!
Slan! |
Christ!
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 9th March 2007 |
Yes Libby.
Actors are not my favourite people. But then who may judge?
Me for a start. I would hope you all of you could learn to speak the words set before you and not go inventing dialogue of your own. Its simple enough. Open the script and read the words. Stevie Wonder could see it coming.
Excuse my intemperance. I have had a rich bellyful of actors. I am sure you would not tresspass so blatantantly as to think you have command of a play!? My experince of actors is of those you beat about the head with a thick chair leg until they succumb to the reality of who is in charge. Thereby to produce a play. Or whatever.
Slan! |
Best wishes.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 22nd March 2007 |
Thank you to the many who have mailed me regarding this and the progress of the filming. I promise to reply as soon as I have time.
Regards to all. |
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