Torn from my illusions of love, my dreams of fantasy, my era of unwritten romance, I sit here. Swearing upon my life that I shall never love again. And never be loved truely again. I had love and I gave it away. Therefore I have no more. But one day someone shall prove me wrong. Until then good-bye dreams of Prince Charming. Good-bye beautiful walks by the a moonlit lake shore. Good-bye romantic holucinations of dancing alone in a gym with only the music to keep me and him together. Good-bye proposal with a small simple diamond and kiss on the hand and a red rose and a ride into sunset on a snow-white horse. Good-bye to the dreams of yesterday. The dreams that have made me what I am on the outside and sometimes on the inside. Good-bye soft sweet kisses on my cheek and hands. I shall miss you all terribly. It was nice to have these things. Now all I have is my books. . . my gaian friends. . . and myself. Everything else is gone. I am almost gone too, but the world holds on to that peice of earth which I call the rest of the way of my journey, for it is almost at an end. The end of my journey shall result in a perilous cliff. A cliff from which there is no safety at the bottom and no one at the top to stop me from doing that which I can't help but to think of doing. That which will end my journey for alone in the dark the monsters are always out there. Threatening to snuff my very existence and my one last sheild is gone. My best friend doesn't know but she's slowly abandoning me. Leaving me to the monsters driving the glass through my wrists as the blood runs into my palms and drains me of everything. My love, left me, doesn't know how much I suffer because of it. No one knows me truely, and in that I am damned. In that I shall never find love again because he has willingly taken it from me and won't give it back. But I don't care. I'll work with the monsters in that case. I'll work with them to save everyone else. And I need to forget about him. Him and everything he gave me; love, reason, happiness, and a heart. Now I have lost them and gained in their stead; anger, pain, numbness, and loss. So good-bye Kota, Josh, Nic, Jan, mother and father. Good-bye. You must leave me to the monsters, do it civily. For even if you tried to save me right now. . . I would still be dead on the inside and no one can heal me. . . not even Nic. I'm sorry.