She’s mine – she’s gotta learn that – the guys at the factory have to learn that. She’s mine. We’re gonna marry – it’s all planned. The days of havin’ a laugh with the lads are over. We’ve got each other – we can make each other laugh. I will make her laugh.

*                      *                      *                      *                  

I made Lesley sit at the front of the bus with me this evening - on our own, away from the others. That pissed her off for a start. She loves having a natter with the lads at the back of the bus – always asking John if he’s getting the early or late bus, then hangin’ around chattin’ to the girls on the next shift so we have to catch the late. Or knockin’ off ten minutes before shift-change so she can get a seat on the early – all to sit with the lads - to sit with John.

Anyhow, I told Lesley I’d had a bad day – told her I’d rowed with Mike about a stock-check and some parts going missing – told her I had a head ache and wanted us to sit on our own. She went into a strop of course – started rootin about in her bag, pretending to look for something – keeping her hands busy so she doesn’t have to hold mine – only lookin up when she hears John get on the bus. Alright Lesley? he says, givin’ her a wink.

Christ he knows how to wind me up. All the lads do – but John especially. I try not to let it - try to join in even - try and beat him at his own game - but he just doesn’t let up. Like earlier in the day - in the canteen - talkin’ about all the girls he wanted to fuck and my Lesley being at the top of his list – maybe second and third too. And all the other guys – oh I know he’d primed them ready – but they chipped in with Lesley, Lesley, Lesley. I tried to turn it round, saying I wanted to shag John’s wife, but he just laughed - said he’d like to watch - said he was up for a bit of swinging. That’s the trouble with that lot; they just don’t care about their women. But I care. I love Lesley.

Well, only two minutes into the bus ride John starts shouting down the bus, telling Lesley to come and sit at the back. Can’t, she says – Col’s got a headache. So of course we get all the headache jokes – about me not giving Lesley one tonight – and everyone cracks up, except me and Lesley. Trouble is it’s true – I probably won't – and Lesley knows I won't and looks daggers at me - and I’m blushing – red as a cherry. But the guys don’t stop. Bring the lady wife up the back, Col, they shout – yeh, bring her up the rear – we hear she likes it up the rear!

That was it. I’d had enough. I stormed up the bus and told them to shut their dirty fucking mouths. Well the bus went dead quiet and John was a bit gob-smacked I think – told me to calm down – only a bit of harmless fun he said. I told him I didn’t call arse-fucking harmless fun - and then some old bitch shouted out that she’s always found arse-fucking pretty harmless, as long you use plenty of KY. Course, the whole bus fell off its seats laughin’ at that one. Except me. Even Lesley was laughin’ – I could see her shoulders shakin’. I was so fuckin’ angry – felt like everyone was laughin’ at me – felt like cryin’. And to cap it all – when I sat back down next to Lesley - she lifted one arse cheek , slapped it and licked her lips at me. I didn’t say anything – just ignored her – stared straight ahead for the rest of the trip. The dirty cow.

When we got home Lesley stomped off upstairs – said if I wanted tea I should go down the chippy – she wasn’t in the mood for cooking. She was going to have a girlie night as she calls it. That usually means two hours in the bathroom, emptying the hot tank and steam liftin’ the wallpaper that I have to keep gluing back on. I don’t like it when she has a girlie night. I’m all on my own downstairs– watchin’ telly – or sometimes just sittin’.

Well, this time I followed her upstairs to the bedroom. Told her I didn’t like her talking smutty with the lads – it weren’t nice – she never used to carry on like that. She didn’t answer – just put Christina bloody Aguilera on full blast and disappeared into the bathroom. I banged on the door – shoutin’ over the music. Said I wanted to go back to how we were – when it was just us two – eating pizza in front of the telly – sitting on our own in the canteen, holdin’ hands – nobody makin’ smutty comments.

She didn’t answer.

Do you still love me? I shouted.

She didn’t answer.

So here I am now, sittin’ on my own – on my third bag of crisps – and her upstairs, tarting her self up. And when she does finally appear she won’t look like Lesley – not my Lesley – all dolled up like that. She’ll look like someone else. Sort of older – harder. She’ll sit all night in that comfy chair – feet tucked up under her – doin her nails, smoking, drinking coffee – makin phone calls, takin phone calls – laughin her head off – then going quiet, listening, smiling to herself. And me here on the settee, a space beside me - watchin telly and eatin’.

I wish we could go back to when it was just us two. It had been different then. Me just started workin’ after college – and her there in the canteen on her first day – straight out of school. No make-up on, nothin’. She wouldn’t say boo to a goose back then. She’d blush if a bloke so much as looked at her – which she did, that day I stood behind her in the queue. She was blushing before I’d even got the courage up to talk to her. I asked her if she wanted to share a can of Coke – said I couldn’t drink a whole one. Stupid really – truth was I only had enough money for one.

It was easier back then - sort of simpler.

Maybe we should move away? Yeh – we’ll get married and move away – south coast maybe – Worthing’s nice. It’s got rough up here – we need to be somewhere a bit posher - a bit nicer. Maybe get Lesley off the shop-floor and into an office – smart clothes and that. Get her away from that mouthy lot in the factory. And I’ll get a job close by – maybe even in the same road – so I’m close to her – see she’s alright. We can have lunchtimes on our own again – just the two of us – just like it used to be…..

I asked Lesley earlier: Do you still love me?

She didn’t answer.

But she didn’t say No, did she? No – she didn’t say No.

She’s just in a strop that’s all. She’s just having a girlie night. Nothing’s meant by it.

We’re gonna get married me and Lesley. We’re gonna be happy. I’m gonna make her happy.