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Drama Scripts
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The Coffee Morning
By mishmish
26 August 2006
This is short sketch designed for radio broadcast.

This is my very first drama script I've ever written. It's a bit short, I'm just testing the water...So please comment and give me some constructive criticism...


[THE DOOR BELL RINGS]

 

Sally:                [A young hesitant female with a Home Counties well spoken accent] Hello there, is this where the coffee morning is?

 

Hilda:               [An older woman with a heavy Somerset voice, about mid 60’s with a warm and motherly edge] Why yes dear, cum on in.

 

                        [SALLY AND HILDA FOOTSTEPS ARE HEARD AS THEY PROGRESS INTO THE LOUNGE. IN THE BACKGROUND IS LAUGHING, CHATTING AND CHINKING OF TEA CUPS.]

 

Hilda:               [Delivered in welcoming hospitable tone.] Welcum’ ladies, thank yu for cumin ta this cuffee murrning. It’s furr a good cause, as I’m sure yu know. As yu can see we’ve got lots ‘ere, in all shapes and sizes, so I’m sure yu’ll find som’ink to match yurr needs.

 

Margaret:         [An elderly lady with a Scottish accent. Her voice rings with a tone of anticipation] Aye! I do hope so!

 

Betty:               [An elderly lady with a South East London, cockney voice. Her voice rings with sudden excitement.] ‘Ere…Look at the colours, there’s a set in transparent blue. I’m ‘aving ‘aat!

 

Hilda:               [Delivered with surprise.] Ooo Be’ty, this one’s gut a nice, snug fit.

 

Betty:               [Delivered in a response.] An’ ‘his one’s got a good grip, see ‘hat Josie.

 

Josie:                [An elderly woman with a strong Yorkshire accent] Eh up there…’at’s a tight wun, neot’ll get out a’ ‘hat wun.

 

Hilda:               [Delivered in an understanding tone.] Yes, ‘an this set I’ll keep tings hot, what yu say Mary?

 

Mary:               [An older woman with a strong Irish accent.]

THE SOUND OF HER PICKING SOMETHING UP AND PUTTING IT ON TO THE COFFEE TABLE IS HEARD IN THE BACKGROUND.]


 Sure, that be so, n’ ‘tis wun is rugged, perfect fur camping.

 

Margaret:         [Delivered in a grateful tone] Aye! It’s luvely, ‘nd the prrice just reet furr ma’ pension!

 

Betty:               [Delivered as if she is explaining something to others around her.] ‘Ere ya can stick ‘iss wun on top a’ ‘aat wun fur extra capacity.

 

Josie:                Ooh I like ‘tat, so I do.

 

Mary:               An’ it fits nicely in’ta cupboard.

 

Hilda:               Sure it’ll keep tings nice an’ fresh!

 

                       [ALL THE WOMEN START TO LAUGH.]

 

Sally:                [The young girl interrupts the elderly ladies laughing, suppressing a giggle] So, tell me ladies, just how many of these Anne Summers parties do you hold a month…?


Reviews

Written by kevg (45 comments posted) 26th August 2006
Hi mishmish. 
 
This piece is very interesting. Scripts are something i've never tried myself, but I can see the appeal of the form; being no expert on scripts i'll just let you know what appeals to me in the piece, and leave the technical criticism to the pros. 
 
Good work with the dialects, it is always good to read something written in the 'vulgar' form. A good blend of accents are present in this piece, and I'm sure this would lend the piece a great deal of character if read aloud by various speakers.  
 
It interests me that the younger woman (Sally) speaks in a more standard from in contrast to the tongues spoken by the older women. This provides an interesting contrast - both in voice and age - and brings Sally's character to the forefront of my attention as a reader.  
 
There is little I could offer criticism on, in a piece so short. I would definitely recommend that you keep going and see where you end up with the story. 
 
Thanks for the read. 
KevG 
 
 
 
What a surprise...!!!
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 26th August 2006
Blimey that was quick! 
 
I only mentioned it yesterday and today little gem. 
 
What else have you got in your bottom drawer? 
 
Don't answer that last. Just heed this was a quite super response! Made all the better for your 'out of the blue' command of dialect. I've not noticed that in your ongoing ' Consequences '. I have a feeling you are a much more accomplished writer than you let on!! But no matter. A lovely little piece and as Kev quite rightly observes above, the reader could hear this in the head; the true test of a good piece of scripting. 
 
So very well done Michelle. I can't believe you haven't done this before. 
 
So what have you got next......17th Century Blank Verse!? 
 
Slan! 
 

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3369 comments posted) 30th August 2006
Nicely scripted, great characters,lively dialogue and a funny ending what's not to like. A pleasure to read 
cheers 
Jane
Hi, mishmish!
Written by Bagheera (683 comments posted) 30th August 2006
As you said, it's a bit on the short side but it should be possible to do something about that ... lots of "nudge, nudge, wink, wink" innuendos and naive misunderstandings amongst the old crones are there for the taking in the context of an Ann Summers party (especially if, as you infer, it's the first time they've had one!!!) 
 
Liked the idea, see if you can't 'flesh it out'a bit .... :grin
Keep em guessing...
Written by woody44 (775 comments posted) 1st September 2006
Nice one mishmish. Loved it, especially the ending of course. Accent dialogue is not my strong point so I take my hat off to you for giving it a more than worthy go.  
 
happy writing 
woody

Written by MikeMorris (106 comments posted) 1st September 2006
Hi mishmash, I will admit that ,after checking with my daughters what an Ann Summers party was, (that conversation a sketch in itself) and then getting my confessor's permission to comment, I found the piece very, very funny. The use of regional accents was a gem of an idea and the actual handling of the accents masterly. Mary's comment in particular raised a smile (camping?) Superb! 
Many thanks, Mike 

Written by brook_rivers (484 comments posted) 13th September 2006
at first i thought you had made a typo before i realised what sort of coffee morning it was!! Especially loved the 'ooh betty'  
A nice, short, humorus piece well done 
 
brook xx

Written by wattle (117 comments posted) 19th November 2006
'mishmish', great stuff you have captured the characters well, I can see and feel them. - More please. --- regards. wattle

Written by coosh (868 comments posted) 25th January 2007
Nice, simple concept, well delivered. The fact that you had one person from every different region at an Ann Summers party only added to the eccentric charm of the piece. You seem to have disappeared off the GW radar since I joined - is this due to success? Will you have time to contribute further between tequila sunrises round your pool in LA? Will move on to "Nabbin'" in the not too distant, much enjoyed.

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