Please see a "A Soft Target" to which this tale is but a footnote.
A SOFT TARGET: CODA
His Day started with its usual row with his eldest son. The pair of them then left for work. Today the father walked rather than drove to his town centre job, which meant that his son would have to walk to the station. He’d miss his train and end up just getting the next one. “Serves him bloody right” thought the father.
At about Ten he received a phone call from his wife, there’d been a number of bombs exploded on Tubes and Busses in London, she was hysterical. Apparently one had exploded just outside of Aldgate Station. She’d phoned the son’s office; which was across the road from the Station; and had been told that he hadn’t turned up. She phoned his mobile but had got no answer. What should she do?
He told her to calm down that he’d come home. He’d informed his boss who ordered and paid for a taxi to take him home. As he travelled the short journey a phrase formed in his head and it drove out all other thoughts: the phrase being: Divine Retribution.
However when he arrived he found his wife was now quite composed. He couldn’t have been on that train, it was far too late and his boss had phoned to say that he was in fact going directly to a customer, but he wasn’t sure which one. That’s why his phone was off asserted the wife, he was with a customer.
As the news of the carnage and suffering flooded in and the dead and casualty count was totted up, he was convinced that his son was at least seriously injured if not dead: Divine Retribution.
He went out into the garden and paced up to the shed then back to the kitchen door and back again. His wife screamed at him to come back into the house for they had news regarding the dead and injured. He went into the lounge, on the TV was a slide show of the victims. Then to his horror there was his blood stained and grimed son.
But he was alive and well. He was being interviewed, they said his composure had ensured that his carriage had avoided the panic that had occurred elsewhere. He had organised the walk along the track to Aldgate carrying a severely injured woman. He was a hero.
"The son smiled and said no, I was only doing what we English are good at, you know mucking our way through a crisis."
Divine retribution indeed. |
Written by Phil (6632 comments posted) 27th August 2006 |
The idea of devine retribution struck home. Many's the time I've left my oldest to fend for himself instead of giving him a lift and then worried about muggings etc. Enjoyed this, though not as powerful as the first. Again it emphasises the random and frightening acts of violence none of us have the power to control. Still thinking about the end. Phil. |
Thought Written by Phil (6632 comments posted) 27th August 2006 |
Had a think. Is it that we English are smugly superior and rise above 'mere inconveniences'; or that we have an abilty to muddle through and make the best of things? Or have I got the wrong end of the stick entirely? Phil. |
Hi Phil Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 27th August 2006 |
The end-a clue: "we English". Thanks for your time and comments, Brian . |
Crossed lines. Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 27th August 2006 |
Our postings crossed on the ether. "we have an abilty to muddle through and make the best of things? " But the key issue is that he sees himself as being English, which would have shook his father rigid. Brian. |
Written by Phil (6632 comments posted) 27th August 2006 |
Woops! Failed to make the link between same character in both pieces. Not the wrong end of the stick, a different stick altogether. Duh. Thanks for putting me straight. Phil. |
Hope doesn't happen again Written by Doublevision (11 comments posted) 27th August 2006 |
| Well written. I remember phoning my son and not getting through. Must say I did not like your choice of the fonts used. |
Hi DV Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 27th August 2006 |
Re Fonts I normally use Times New Roman 14 but posting here does od things to it. So in sheer desperation i picked this font almost at random. I'll certainly not use it again, but at least it's not come out microscopic. Thanks for your time and coments, Brian. |
Edited Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 27th August 2006 |
The piece has had its last few sentences removed. So it is now pointless. |
Sorry Brian Written by nascent (106 comments posted) 27th August 2006 |
It was entirely accidental as I was just sorting out the font for you and mis-copied the work back in. I've put them back now. cheers, nascent
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What with Phil and Nascent Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 27th August 2006 |
This has become a seemingly heavoly reviewed piece, so its not all bad, Brian |
A bigger punch Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3291 comments posted) 27th August 2006 |
God must be a really clever bugger if that was devine retribution, surely a far more powerful punishment to let him know what it feels like and then give him his son back so all he has is the empathy for the others to haunt him. That's my take on it anyway. I may have it wrong, but for me that short story really struck home. If anything it packed a bigger punch than the first one and in so few words. I don't know how you pack so much into so few words. Brilliant BBS |
Hi BBS Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 27th August 2006 |
I write in an attempt to make an impact on the reader. So the fewer the words the better. You're spot on with the added twist that his son sees himself as a "barbarian". Once again thanks for your time and comments, Brian |
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