“We can go to the mall on the west side.” Shannon isn’t particularly interested in visiting the west side mall, but the shopping center in question is near her area of town and she wouldn’t mind a ride home. “I’m not going to any goddamn mall, besides, there is nothing but vagrants and pushers on the west side”, says Edgar. Shannon’s disinterested brother interrupts the squabbling couple, whom have been irritating the hell out of him for the past several hours, and says “Must you always quarrel like children? I have had enough. Now, I am going to visit Night Owls this evening and I don't want to hear another word otherwise.” Edgar and Shannon exchange annoyed glances, but are hesitant to challenge Samuel right now.
               Edgar groans, “Ah, come on Samuel, you know Night Owls is a bullshit place, a damn bullshit place, Sam! There ain’t nothing but watered down yuppie drinks and high school kids with fake ids at that shit hole.” Samuel rolls his eyes far back into his head until he can see the stars illuminating the sky above and replies, “Fine, Edgar, just fine. We will not stop at Night Owls, though I think it should be noted that in my personal opinion it is a fine establishment. Tonight, we will meet with our dear friend, Dr. Alsford.”
               Shannon squealed with delight at the idea of visiting the eccentric old fellow, a man who never failed to entertain and surprise. Edgar, however, was not sure if he could stomach another visit with “Dr. Alsford”, and secretly questioned the validity of his title of “Doctor”. Shannon continued on, “A dear friend indeed! I hope he does his magic tricks! Oh, Sammy, remember the disappearing shoe trick he demonstrated on Edgar? What a gas!” Edgar rolled his eyes, remembering that the disappearing shoe trick consisted of Dr. Alsford forcibly removing Edgar’s shoes from his feet and heaving them into the neighboring junkyard, right over the barbed wire fence. Samuel smirked, “I do remember, Shannon, and perhaps we may convince the good doctor to continue his demonstrations tonight.
               Edgar, do you have cab fair? It is quite a hike to Dr. Alsfords residence and Shannon and I must save our meager wages for the holiday we’ve been planning.” Edgar was indignant, “You’re a real piece of work, you know that Sam? Yeah, that’s real funny dragging me over to see that fucker, making me pay your way and all. I’ll go for Shannon, but you oughta know I think you’re a real piece of work, Sam.” Samuel was pleased, “Wonderful! Then it is settled, I will phone Dr. Alsford and arrange to meet in forty-five minutes.
               Edgar, you call the taxi service and send for a cab, I think I will frequent Night Owls this evening, after all. Come along once you have notified the taxi service.” Shannon squealed once again and clapped her hands in anticipation. She pecked Edgar on the cheek before running to catch up with Samuel, who was now quite a distance ahead of the two. Edgar looked down at his new pair of shoes and sighed. He walked toward a nearby payphone and began mumbling to himself, “That old bastard ain’t going to get these, I can guarantee you that. I’ll kill that son of a bitch if he tries, I swear I will!” Pedestrians glanced nervously at the babbling man.
               Edgar is now on the telephone instructing the cab driver as to where he is located. It is dark outside; only a half moon lights the sky. 26th avenue is alive with many people racing to the taverns and nighttime dance clubs. A large man stands outside of “Dirty Dime” and directs patrons into the venue, occasionally sending certain individuals away. Edgar wonders if the large man would allow him into the club, and Edgar also wonders what kind of women they have inside. Just as he was thinking this, he heard Samuel summon him from further up the avenue. He looked and saw Samuel and Shannon standing outside of Night Owls, no doubt awaiting an ETA from Edgar for the taxi.
               Edgar started up the road toward his girlfriend and her brother, noticing that the sidewalks were rather filthy with dirt and grime. “So, did you arrange for a chauffeur?” Samuel asked. “Yeah Sam but I really don’t want to go see Dr. Alsford. He’s a lunatic, Sam, he really is a lunatic. Certifiable!” Edgar exclaimed. “How can you say that? After all of our lovely nights together! Honestly, Edgar, sometimes I think you are a monster” said Shannon. Just then, a yellow sedan pulled to the curb where they were standing. The three step into the vehicle and direct the driver to the residence of Dr. Alsford.
               The drive is long for Edgar. Shannon and Samuel are prattling on excitedly about their approaching holiday and all of the fun and adventure they are sure to encounter. Edgar isn’t the least bit interested, as he stares out the window at the silhouettes of mountains and cactuses and dirt. He never understood the desert; it was nothing but dreadful heat and monotonous landscape. After almost a half hour, they arrive at Dr. Alsfords residence. Samuel exits the vehicle after Shannon and says grandly, “Pay the good man, Edgar! And don’t forget to tip well, for I always say that gratuity is necessity!” The siblings laugh heartily and proceed up the driveway to the house. Edgar is irritated and grits his teeth as he compensates an expectant chauffeur.
               Dr. Alsford heard the car approach and has come outside, waiting at the doorstep. The trio approaches and greets the old man, though he does not respond. Dr. Alsford is crouched low to the ground, eyeing the three young people and shifting his weight from side to side. “Hey, Doc, you doing okay these days?” asks Edgar. “Shove it up your ass before I slit your mothers throat, you arrogant prick.” Edgar chuckled nervously and swallowed hard. Shannon shrieked with pleasure, “Oh, Dr. Alsford, you are so clever! We’ve missed your wit and hilarious antics! Please, won’t you demonstrate one of your magic tricks for us?” The doctor looks to Samuel, ignoring Shannon, and says “Nice piece of ass you brought me Sammy boy, yes indeed, I haven’t had a good lay in months. She’ll do, she will do quite nicely”
               Samuel notices a foul smell rising in the air, “Dr. Alsford, I must say there is a rather displeasing aroma in this particular area, perhaps we should enter into your home for the time being”. Dr. Alsford suddenly yelped and jumped to his feet. A large pile of human waste lay on the doorstep where the doctor had been crouched. Edgar looked to his friends, who were now laughing hysterically, and then to Dr. Alsford, who was in the process of pulling up his pants and fastening his belt.
               The doctor began yelling, “If I were in a cage at the zoo you’d pay good money to watch that. Well, here you go, free of charge!”  Dr. Alsford took a running start at his feces and kicked them in the direction of Edgar. The waste was now scattered all about the driveway, and a particularly large portion had landed on one of Edgar’s new shoes. “How’s that for a magic trick, baby?” said the doctor. He looked at Shannon and said, “Give me a smooch, sugar, I’m feeling hot tonight!” Dr. Alsford grabbed Shannon’s head between his two hands and shoved his tongue into her mouth.
               Samuel, who had found the preceding events to be quite humorous, was taken aback by the doctor’s sudden boldness with his younger sister. Edgar stepped forward, “You sick fuck, get your hands off my lady before I tear your head off!” Dr. Alsford loosened his grip from Shannon and she stepped back. “Ah, Eddy, we were just having a little fun.” Edgar looked at his girlfriend, incredulous, and said, “I don’t want that dirty old nut fondling you like that and I’m going to do something about it! Shannon, he ruined my new shoes! Fuck… FUCK!” Edgar was upset.
               Samuel addressed his agitated friend, “Come now, Edgar, your poor social skills are putting a dark cloud over an otherwise lovely evening.” Dr. Alsford became tired of watching the young people exchange harsh words and retreated into the house. Samuel continued, “Now look what you’ve done, you vile cretin! The good doctor is obviously offended and embarrassed. Shannon, I must say that you should reconsider the company with which you keep.” Edgar stood stupefied as he watched Samuel turn and enter the house. Shannon looked to him but did not offer any words of appeasement before she followed her brother into the house. The door closed and Edgar was left standing alone in the driveway.
                                                         
                                                                ***

               Winter was near and the tree that separated the junk yard from Dr. Alsfords home towered over a great pile of crusted leaves. The main road two blocks up hummed occasionally as a car passed. He looked to they sky and said “It wasn’t supposed to be like this.” Edgar could just barely make out a neon sign at the corner that flashed, “GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS.” He headed in the direction of the club and upon arrival paid the five dollar admission fee. Loud music pulsated inside and several young and topless women were dancing center stage, keeping in time with the obnoxious music. The stage was surrounded by four or five tables full of gawking men clutching one dollar bills tightly in their hands as though they were holding a key to the castle.
               Edgar chose a seat at the bar, located in the rear of the building. A plump woman from behind the bar looked to him and said, “What’ll you have, kid?” He ordered a whiskey and coke. The woman brought him his drink and Edgar instructed her to “keep them coming”. After six or seven drinks, the plump woman refused to continue service to Edgar. He harassed the lady a bit and a man in a black shirt that read “Security” asked him to leave. Outside, Edgar checked his watch and realized that several hours had passed. He began stumbling back though the neighborhood in the direction of Dr. Alsfords.
               The house was dark. A dog was barking a few blocks down. Edgar clumsily scaled the fence and was now in the doctor’s backyard. The blinds covering the living room window had not yet been drawn and he could see Dr. Alsford sitting in a recliner mumbling to himself. Edgar checked the back door. It was not locked. He entered. The doctor looked up at him and said, “Ah, it’s you! Prof. Limp Dick, I presume?” A primal scream emitted from Edgar’s mouth as he grabbed a couch cushion and slammed it down over Dr. Alsfords face. He held it there and he continued to scream. The doctor struggled, but Edgar would not relinquish his grasp. Eventually, there was no more movement underneath the pillow. He held the cushion up and saw Dr. Alsfords red face gasping for air. Edgar dropped the cushion and began beating the doctor’s face. He hit him hard, and then again, and again, and again. He beat his fists until blood covered the chair and the doctor breathed no more.
               Edgar was trembling. He exited the house the same way he had entered. He began meandering in the general direction of the main road. After only a few minutes of waiting he was able to hail a cab. He entered the car and instructed the driver where to go. Edgar gazed out the window at the pimps and prostitutes and streetlights. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.